Help with a depressed friend, who may be at rock bottom.?

Question

I've been in a relationship w/ a friend. He told me he loved me, but not like he should. He loves me w/ his head not his heart. Which makes him feel guilty. We've been friends for 10 yrs. He doesn't live here & he is suffering w/ depression. He told me that he is confused & that I am a big problem in his quandary. I asked why & he didn't answer. Just saying because & that thing are different between us. I told him that as a friend he should be able to confide in me. He just said everything is F**cked up, work, everything. He says I am his best friend, but he doesn't open up. I am concerned because he is not happy & very fragile. His depression is beginning to scare me. He said he thought about putting a bullet in his head. This is a person I want to remain in my life. I am looking for suggestions on how to help him. I know that I need to back off a romance, but I am afraid this will make him feel more like a failure which is one of his issues. I love him and don't know what to do

I've told him that I love him and have been honest with my feelings. I told him that talk of suicide is serious & that I don't take it lightly. I've asked him to go for treatment. I just can't get him to agree and go.

Answer 1

G'day Swedegirl,

Thank you for your question.

I would encourage him to see a psychologist or counsellor so he can have the confidence to speak with you. The talk about suicide is disturbing.

I would also tell him that you love him and you want him to stay in your life.

I hope that it works out for you both.

Regards

Answer 2

Show your friend this message:

Without God's love, you will always crave more and more and never be content.

Without a friend that gives you an honest answer when you want one, who gives you one out of love, you will always feel some misery. And if you only have friends that flatter you, you may be depressed knowing that they are doing so because they want to take advantage of you in some way rather than truly loving you, or loving you with a pure love, love which isn't self-seeking.

Also, you may have a poor diet which is causing a chemical imbalance or making you depressed due to its blandness, have past trauma that is still bothering you because you don't know how to deal with it or because it was very painful, are encountering unpleasant smells often (like perhaps from a new rug which smells bad), have bland surroundings (you may want to decorate your walls with posters), have unpleasant parents, don't have friends or ones that give you bad to no advice when you ask for the help or when it's obvious you need it, you may have a boring getting-no-where life, or you may feel as if you're not getting your way in general (which frustrates everyone who feels that way).

I had problems with depression and suicide when I was 12 due to my parents abusing me, neglecting my education (including knowledge about right from wrong), and not providing me with much interesting or helpful to do or teaching me how to be helpful. I also got bullied at school for how I was dressed and appeared before I was 14, and of course, instead of the bullies being punished for what they did to me, I was the one who got stuck in a miserable substitute for a "normal" public high school and had next to no friends while there (and still have about none). Soon after attending that school I was bullied by the police off an on a few times. Other miserable things happened including being repeatedly kicked out and being mistreated at nearly all the jobs I had by coworkers or bosses who harassed me out of them. But, God saved me and helped me beat my depression and allowed and helped me to accomplish some great things that I can take comfort in having accomplished no matter how miserable. I'm still depressed sometimes, but it's not as bad now since he's opened my eyes.

Check out the link in my profile if you are interested in spiritual help, which I found has been a lasting and permanent solution heading towards perfect peace. I hope you show the link to others.

Answer 3

Swede,
Part of what's going on here is that he is trying to, and succeeding in manipulating you. He wants you to rush to his side, do all sorts of things for him and take his mind off what he doesn't really want to think about: why he has created so much failure in his life.

Since you don't live in the same city, you cannot go rushing over to his rescue. He is going to have to figure out how to solve this on his own. I'm not saying he isn't fragile or depressed, just that he has to recognize his own handiwork in his life. This is for your knowledge -not for you to say to him.

If you talk to him by phone, let him know you care, but tell him to talk to a suicide hot line. Also ask him if he has medical or psychological benefits from work. If so, tell him to make an appointment right away. It often takes a while to get appointments with HMOs, but he needs to go as soon as he can. That way he can work out what's bothering him as soon as possible.

Now, you must support his efforts, but you must NOT worry about him. Worrying is when you essentially think about something obsessively that you can't do anything about. So I'm not saying "don't care," but I am saying don't stress yourself to the point that you can't work or stay focused on your own life.

Answer 4

he may need some simple intervention, like just see a MD and get a prescription

when the depression lifts then the whole world will look different, offer to drive him to a doctor appointment, make the appointment for him, etc

if you are in contact with his family then ask for their help as well

Answer 5

if you were a quandary in is life wouldn't he be thinking to much and planning a relationship rather then just enjoying the relationship that you have. That's pretty ugly

Answer 6

All you can do is to be there for him....however, dont pressure him....if he cannot talk to you, he needs to talk to someone....especially if he is thinking of suicide. He needs to talk, talk, talk, talk!!!!! He needs to probably talk to a professional since he is thinking of suicide......please dont let this go.....

Let him know you love him and that you are there, but he probably needs to talk to someone else........
GOOD LUCK to you both.......