I'm a 26 year old male, how can I leave my house when my parents put me on a guilt trip everytime I try?

Question

I've been trying to leave my house for 2 years.
I'm the youngest of 3, my 2 older sisters are 10 years older than me, they left long ago.

Money is not the problem, I make very good money.

I'm a 26 year old male with a curfew, I have to be home by midnight. I want to leave my house, but they make me feel all guilty everytime I even mention it.

My parents are both retired and healty, but they don't let me leave.
They keep me doing chores all day long after work. I've been renting an apartment for the last 5 months, but I've never actually slept here.

I use my apartment to get phone calls, because at home my mom will pick up the other phone everytime I try to talk. I can invite friends over without my mom wanting to talk to them.
Today is Sunday, I'm using my apartment to avoid my parents wanting me to spend all day long with them and making chores.

They know I have an apartment, but they make me feel so guilty, I can't move in.

What can I do?

Answer 1

While I agree that as long as you live in their house, you should definitely be respectful of their guidelines,......Honey you have but 1 life to live. You can still do for them and live on your own. It's a matter of you coming up with the courage to tell them. If they were disabled in some way, that would be different, but their not. Don't allow them to put a guilt trip on you. They do that because you've allowed them to get away with it. Make your decision, and just do it. Believe me, you'll breath a sigh of relief after the fact, and I guarantee it won't take long for the guilt to dissipate.

Answer 2

You are a 26 year old man making enough money to support an apartment,\and you respond to a curfew from your parents? I'm sorry man. But that's just ridiculous. What are they going to do to you if you come home after midnight? Ground you?

I understand your respect for your parents. That does not have to change. You can respect them from your apartment and visit all you want. Nothing wrong there. In fact, there is something very admirable about that. Your sisters left long ago. It's MORE than time for you to go. You are not doing anyone a favor by allowing yourself to be manipulated like this. Someone mentioned that it probably isnt your parents who have the problem. It's probably you. You know what? That's probably right. You have to assert yourself here. Your parents will be fine. You are the one at risk.

You ask what can you do? Get yourself over to your apartment and start living your life as an adult. A grown man with a curfew will never be an effective member of society. Time to move on my friend. And SOON.

Answer 3

I notice you say you are a 26 year old male well it's about time you became a 26 year old man. Get up and leave, there is obviously nothing to stop you going back to check up on your parents a couple of times a week if you should wish to do so. Are you sure it's not you whose not wanting to cut the chord

Answer 4

Why do you feel guilty about leaving? You said yourself they are healthy and it sounds a little like they like someone doing all the chores they don't want to do. A 26 year old male should be on his own. Your parents can pay someone to do the things around the house they aren't capable of doing. Or they can ask you to stop by on the weekend. But, if you continue to stay much longer you will only start to resent them, and you and they don't want that.

If all the advice you get here does not convince you that it is time for you to be independent, that you should not feel any guilt for doing what most 26 year olds are doing, then you need to see a therapist and find out why you are having so much trouble cutting the apron strings.

Answer 5

I know that when the Parent's youngest Son, or daughter for that matter, is all ready an Adult, they ignore that he is all grown up, and would be indifferent to what he feels he needs to do, with his Life. If, as you say that you have talked to them, about your plans, and they ignore you, and do not want to hear what you had already told them you wanted to do. You do not want to cause any problems between you and your parents, so, you stay there doing what they want you do for them. What I would suggest you do, is move away from them the sooner the better, and tell them that you want to live alone but, that does not mean you wouldn't be back to see them and help them when you have the time to do so. I think that your dad, can cut the Lawn by himself, if not hire a gardener, to do it. My Husband and I are both retired, and our kids are all Married and making a Life of their own, do we asked them to come and help us, with our chores? No, we don't, my kids all got Married when they were 24 years old, and yes, they did help us with whatever work we had for them to do, but when they each moved from our side, the helping stopped when they got Married. Now we do the yard work, by ourselves or if we need some help, like painting the house, or trimming the trees or Bushes we hire someone to do it.

Answer 6

Well, you can picture yourself living there as their servant boy when you're 36.

Seriously...just pack up & move. Don't listen to anything they say...guilt is a passive-agressive mind game. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Think about all the freedom you'll have when you move out.

Answer 7

Start acting like an adult and move out. Then go get the book 'Toxic Parents' by Susan Forward. You might find it interesting.

Answer 8

You need to seek counseling because while on the surface this appears to be a problem with your parents, but really its you.

You need to find out why this is acceptable and why you are afraid to lose their approval, when you already have it. Please talk to a doctor, and since you make good money, hire someone to do the chores. Tell your folks you are busy getting on with your life.

Answer 9

Just move out of your parents' house. Tell them you are an adult and you want to be independent.

Answer 10

my husband had that same problem with his mom (of course this was before he met me), he told me that he had to finally sit his mom down and tell her he wasn't a child anymore, that she should be proud that she raised him to be responsible, and that it is time to move on, but you won't be gone for good. It sounds like they are trying to hold to you cause you are the baby, and they think you won't come back. Also maybe get your sisters involved to talk to them.