i was with my ex for 7 yrs we were both very mixed up in the drug seen for a very long time off and on after we had lost everything and had to ask a member of my family to take the kids i left state to get clean and he ended up in jail it has been 1 1/2 yrs and i have a good life and my kids are with me things are good but last week i found out he was released so i sent him an e-mail letting him know that if he was clean and wanted to be a part of his kids life i had no problem with letting him but my new boy friend thinks i should have left it up to the ex to find us i just didn't want to be one of the mothers that don't even give the dad a chance to be a dad even if it would just be a part time gig please let me know if i did the right thing
2007-10-21 15:56:24 · 5 answers · asked by flkenout 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I might have been better if you had let him find you. For one, you got drug treatment, he was in jail and thus didn't get treatment so might still be on drugs. Can you handle him still being possibly addicted and maybe pulling you down?
Do you want someone, who might still be on drugs around your kids? Even if it's the father?
He was just released from prison, so he possibly has no job, no money and no place to stay. Are you and your boyfriend willing to have him stay with you?
It might have been better if you would have waited a bit until he would have had some time to get his life together.
But I certainly understand your motivations and more power to you for them.
2007-10-21 16:10:30 · answer #1 · answered by Llani 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex got into heavy drugs to the point that he lost everything.
The second that I found out that he was in the drug scene, I told him that the kids will not come over to visit and that this is not the appropriate atmopshere for the kids.
This was oh about 4 or 5 years ago... Keeping contact with the ex in-laws, I know that he ended up leaving country and is not back. Through a lawyer that contacted me, I learned that there is a warrant out for his arrest... Has he seen my son in the last 4 or 5 years? NOPE! Have I contacted him to let him know how to get ahold of my son? NOPE!
When he is cleaned up, has his life straightened out and wants to see his son, is when he will find out how to contact me through his family...
My responsibility is to ensure that my kids had food, a roof, safe, and were taught to live! It is his responsibility to pay child support and be a father to his children... He chose to not do either!! He can chose to see them not me!
Therefore, I agree with your boyfriend!
2007-10-21 23:08:01 · answer #2 · answered by LyndasCa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a guy wants to see his kids he will make an effort.You went the extra mile, just wait and let time tell the story.
Your b/f has no say so in this unless he is paying to put a roof over you and your children's heads and feeding you and taking care of you and at that point you should be married and not shacking because that sets a bad example for the kids.
2007-10-21 23:13:56 · answer #3 · answered by Joe F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only time will tell. You may have turned your life around but did he? You did o.k. for the first time you were in this situation but next time try to be just a little more patient, o.k.? It would have been nice to see if he could figure out how to contact you.
2007-10-21 23:09:53 · answer #4 · answered by doglover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ask yourself......... "what would I have wanted him to do if the situation were reversed??" I think you'll know the answer right away....... good luck.
2007-10-21 23:03:24 · answer #5 · answered by chixwithkidz5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋