Issues with my Teenage daughter...?

Question

My 16[-year old daughter does not come home anymore, she spends several days without coming home. Nobody knows where she is, who she is with, what she is doing. She doesn't answer her cell phone. I tried to talk to her gently, but nothing comes out of her. This happens every week since about 7 months. When she comes home, she acts as if nothing happened, then she leaves again for another few days. I am a single father with 2 other kids at home and I don't have any relative anywhere near our area. I made appointments with a counsellor but she missed them all. This situation is causing me much emotional distress, to the point where I am thinking about giving up completely (whether I give up or not doesn't make a difference because she already does what she wants). She doesn't care at all about how this is affecting me and the rest of our family. A year ago, she was such a sweet girl who enjoyed chatting with me about everything. I am at loss, desperate and depressed. What should I do?

I have no relatives in this country, and her mother is estranged.

Answer 1

Sounds like there is a boyfriend involved???

- Let her know how this is affecting you, Your worried sick for her safety when she doesn't come home or inform you of her whereabouts.

- Let her know that 'YOU LOVE HER' and are there if she needs anything even just to talk. You just want to know that everything is okay with her.

- Give her her space. She will let you in on whats going on if there is something going on when she's ready.

- Stay calm and try not to blow up on her it's probably the last thing she needs, The good thing is she is coming home, You want to keep it that way.

If you emphasise the first two suggestions she will come around.. I was the same at that age without realising my selfishness etc despite all the confusion and mixed emotions at the time, whatever I was going through it was good to know that I still had someone there for me and I always had a home.

All the best :-)

Answer 2

You do not mention where the Mother is? why is it that you have the obligation, of raising your Kids? I know it is hard to talk to a teenager, who is smart enough to know that she can do whatever she wants, and you will not interfere with whatever she is doing. What I can tell you is to try and have a talk with her, if you haven't already done so, then find out who her Friends are, because sometimes, it depends on who she is associating with that counts a lot with her Behavior. Have you known if she has a Boyfriend? or have you noticed anything strange with her behavior? It is hard to make a teenager understand the consequences of her actions are going to take her, but more troubles. have you talked with her School counselor, if not go personally to the School and tell them what is happening to your Daughter, maybe they might be able to help you with her. I am a Mother, Grand-mother, so, I should know about teenagers, I have Five Girls all Married, with family of their own, the youngest of the five gave me a lot of trouble, when she got into middle School, she would skip class, or would be in the building but would hide in the Girls bathroom, I always have been a Mom to my kids, who knew each one their faults, I would go to my daughter's school, and would look for my daughter until I found her, and I always took her into her room, and even told the Teachers that if she was not inside their classrooms when the Bell rang to call me at home and I would come and look for her. she was the one who gave me a lot of headaches, after she behaved and started attending classes, the worst trouble was when the boys started liking her, and then the same cycle began, but I always was after her like a hawk, and she knew she could not do anything bad, because I would find out about it, and she would get it at Home. But, my guess is that you as a man, it is more dificult to control your daughter, so, you need to look for help, outside your Home, my best bet is the School district, so, I hope you do something about this big Problem you have with your daughter, before she ends up Pregnant, on drugs, or gets infected with HIV, I know it is cruel what I just wrote but, this might happened, because some kids do not take precautions when they are having Sexual Realations. Do not let this problem go on for long, for your peace of mind, and for the rest of your kids, because sometimes the other siblings might try to do the same thing the oldest is doing. Good Luck, and I hope that you would be able to help your daughter, see, what she is doing is affecting you and the rest of the family. Please write back when you resolved the problem, I care.

Answer 3

Cancel the cell phone account. If she has a care take it away. Stop buying her clothes. Take the clothes that she has in her room and lock them up. Only give her what she needs. If she comes home and wants clothes tell her that if she wants your assistance she must live in your house. Don't give her money. Go to your local Radio Shack or something similar and talk to those people about buying the stuff to tap your land line. It should not cost much more than $100.00 if that much. You need to know who she is hanging out with. Don't feel guilty about doing it either. It may save her life.

Answer 4

Teenagers are the most difficult!!!! People think the two year olds are bad with making that "Terrible two's" saying.

I will tell ya, If my daughter did that when she was 16, I would have gone out hunting her "A" down! Embarrass the heck out of her when I find her, drag her into the vehicle and lecture the heck out of her on the way home!
I would take her phone away, her vehicle away (if she has one) and make sure that she keeps herself confined to her bedroom except to eat, shower, and potty.

You need to figure out what happened 7 months ago. what changed? Parents do not want to think this way, however, check to see if she is using drugs. Find out what she is doing when she is gone that long.. I realize you have other children and makes this a little difficult. However, they can sleep in the back seat while you watch ever step of your daughter's move so that you know what she is up to.
It is possible that she got herself into something horrible. Her attitude change makes me think this way.... DO NOT GIVE UP! I know it is tough raising kids as a single parent... I have been there done that and still doing that with one more child in the house. You need to investiage and educate your daughter.... I used a scare tactic with my daughter on how easily it is for her to be killed by an accident or by some stupid idiot that happened to be driving next to her drunk.. and that worked.
I wish you the best and get yourself some more strength to get through this one, you will need it, especially with two more to go after your daughter.

I almost forgot,,, stop being gentle with her!!! She obviously needs a strong wakening up!!!

Answer 5

I certainly understand. I have a similar problem with my daughter. And my daughter doesn't care how it affects me either. I have people telling me she needs to move out because she is being disrespectful to me and to the man I care about. If she won't be respectful then something has to be done. If she is willingly being bad, then you will have to do something about it. I see it in my younger son...he sees his older sister in action and I see him thinking it's okay to do. Put your foot down before it continues on and on. I made the mistake of allowing my daughter to think she can run things.
Remember...you are the parent. Sometimes we need to step up to the plate and be the parent. And it may involve some harsh decisions but life isn't easy all the time. What makes them think they can do what they wish?
Good luck and keep in touch.

Answer 6

Sounds like you’ve tried everything you can, but she is completely disregarding you. If you live in the US, and without knowing what state you live in--check and see if it’s possible to ask the court to declare her to be an ‘incorrigible minor’. If so, then the court will attempt to help you get her under control. *Maybe* if a JUDGE orders her to attend counseling, she will.

Answer 7

HI FIRST OF ALL I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE A GOOD FATHER KIDS JUST ACT UP IT DOESNT MEAN YOU ARE NOT A GOOD PARENT I'M 21 WHEN I WAS A TEEN ,STARTING WHEN I WAS 14 I WOULD SNEAK OUT OF MY HOUSE WITH BOYFRIENDS SMOKE DRINK BAD STUFF, AND MY MOM WOULD CRY AND YELL AT ME AND TRY TO MAKE ME SEE HER POINT OFF VIEW AND IT DIDNT WORK THIS WENT ON FOR ABOUT A YEAR OR SO UNTIL SHE WAS FED UP AND EVERYTIME I WOULD LEAVE SHE WOULD CALL THE POLICE AND MAKE A REPORT I DIDNT SEEM TO CARE UNTIL LIKE THE 4 TIME THE COPS TOLD HER SHE HAD TO MAKE A COURT DATE BY LAW TO SEE A FAMILY COURT JUDGE TO STRAIGHTEN ME OUT AND WHEN WE WENT TO THE COURT DATE THEY SENT ME TO A GROUP HOME AND I STAYED THERE FOR A MONTH IT GOT ME THINKING AND WHEN I GOT OUT I BEHAVED FOR A WHILE I STARTED ASKING FOR PERMISSION TO GO OUT AND THEN WHEN I TURNES 18 I MOVED OUT ON MY OWN AND TILL THIS DAY I'M A RESPONSIBLE YOUNG ADULT I DONT SMOKE DRINK OR PARTY AND I'M ENGAGED , YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN BECAUSE IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOUR DAUGHTER WHILE SHE IS OUT ALL THOSE DAYS YOU ARE LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE AND YOU HAVE YOUR OTHER KIDS TO WORRY ABOUT I SAY GO AHEAD AND CALL THE POLICE THE NEXT TIME SHE LEAVES WITH OUT YOUR PERMISSION WARN HER IF SHE DOESNT LISTEN DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO THE STREETS ARE DANGEROUS OUT THERE YOU ARE HER FATHER YOU ARE IN CONTROL BUT MOST OF ALL GOD IS IN CONTROL GOD BLESS YOU AND MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

Answer 8

Take her and have her drug tested.Pay an adult to take her to school and go to her room with her and to pick her up and baby sit her until you get home.
Tell her no driver's license and no car priviliges.

Answer 9

where is her mother? can she go and stay with other family members some one who will straighten her out?