So my bf and I are together for more than 3 and a half years. Today's his b-day, we had dinner at his house. They were having a vote for something for christmas and his sister told me to vote too... so I raised my hand for my vote and his brother says "you can't vote your not part of the family." I was probably so red, and I could've cried right there. His family jokes a lot so it's not like it was just out of the blue, but in my opinion, he just took it toooo far. I was really hurt, and cried when I got home. I just thought it was so rude and hurtful. My bf says he was just joking and that I know how his brother is so I shouldn't be offended. I know his family likes me so it's not that, but now I kind of feel awkward and out of place, and now I feel like I'm really not part of the family. Am I over-reacting? What should I do?
2007-10-21 14:17:46 · 15 answers · asked by 570Chicky 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
p.s: we're both in college, that's why there's no progress to get married.... I know it's coming though, after we're done. =)
2007-10-21 14:49:48 · update #1
and actually... I didn't make a big deal of it in front of my bf (especially since it was his b-day, so why are u jumping to conclusions??) I just mentioned it and said that it was hurtful... it's not like I was freaking out!
2007-10-21 14:51:40 · update #2
That was a very bad joke! You handled the situation much better than I would have. I would have been pissed, gotten up and left. To all the others that said that since you and your boyfriend aren't married you aren't part of his family, I say bullshit! Love makes a family. Blood and marriage have little if anything to do with it. People can be related by blood and/ or marriage and hate each other's guts. As far as what should you do? I can't tell you that. What I would do is play it very cool with the brother for awhile and if someone asked me why I would say that I didn't appreciate his sense of humor!
2007-10-22 08:21:00 · answer #1 · answered by Coop's Wife 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think there is more to your reaction than just a response to a joking remark from your boyfriend's brother. You have been together with your boyfriend for 3 and a half years - that remark from his brother cut to the quick in that you've discovered that you feel you really should be a part of that family by now.
Your b/f's brother said something which was true and had no idea you would be so rattled by it. He also probably said it as he just wanted the voting to go his way. He has done nothing wrong really. Your sensitivity to his comment is what has really upset you.
What happens next? You will either have to toughen up and ignore the comment, or toughen up and address the issues which don't allow you to be strong and confident in the presence of your b/f's family.
2007-10-21 15:03:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You had your cry now if you want to be part of that family, bury the hatchet and joke right back with the brother when another voting situation occurs say "if a none member can put a vote in" and laugh like hell....Don't hold a grudge, just realize there is always a bad apple in the bunch and if you love your boyfriend, hang tough. Good Luck,have fun and God Bless, Elle
2007-10-21 14:43:20 · answer #3 · answered by velle T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they joke around a lot, then maybe you are overreacting. Talk to your bf's brother. Say "I overreacted when you said I wasn't part of the family and I cried and felt hurt. I know you didn't mean that right"? Make sure you joke it in a sort of casual.joking way. This puts him on the spot. From his reaction it would let you know if he was joking or not.
2007-10-21 14:24:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were shot down or at least his brother spoke out of ignorance. Laugh it off and don't worry. The whole family must like you a lot.
The brother probably spoke too soon and embarrassed himself.
2007-10-21 14:22:46 · answer #5 · answered by mary 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was very rude of your bf's brother to exclude you like that in front of everyone, but your bf should have stuck up for you. The brother is just a jerk. Avoid him.
2007-10-21 14:31:53 · answer #6 · answered by Wintergirl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
YES you're overreacting, and his brother is right...you're techically NOT part of their family. I don't care if your boyfriend and you have been dating for 10 years, until you both agree to commit to each other and get married.
You should apologise profusely to your boyfriend for acting like a hysterical maniac on his birthday, and making it about YOU instead of about him.
2007-10-21 14:42:57 · answer #7 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In the first place, you should have declined to vote even though you were told to. Secondly, you are too sensitive and need to nurture your self-esteem. These are times when you laugh at yourself. It comes with maturity and experience. Next time you find yourself in an awkward situation that you got yourself into, just laugh it off.
2007-10-21 14:22:04 · answer #8 · answered by gma 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
you need to lighen up, that is part of life, shake it off, this is a little thing in life, what will you do when something major happens. I am sure if he knew that he hurt your feeling he would have apologized..Girl you need to build your self esteem up, I once was in your shoes, and I started reading books written by joel osteen, it has really helped me alot, you should try them to.
2007-10-21 14:33:39 · answer #9 · answered by curious 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yeah, i don't think you should have taken it so hard. i'm sure y'all are all really close, but you're not actually part of his family until y'all get married. i really think his brother was joking. i have a similar sense of humor & i really don't set out to hurt people, because i don't expect them to take me seriously. jokes like that CAN backfire though. anyway, i think you should apologize to your bf for overreacting... blame it on hormones.. guys are used to dealing with that stuff :) good luck girl!
2007-10-21 14:31:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋