Please, only real answers.
Tonight, I almost cried in the subway station and as I was walking home. Lately, it hurts to see happy couples in love, and babies. I'm still healing from a series of breakups. Just casual dating. One almost got serious, but I put an end to it when I discovered the guy was basically a player. The other, well, I just got tired of all his phone calls and empty promises--all talk and no action. So, I put myself on a much needed break from dating. Now I feel horrible whenever I come home from teaching, hanging out with friends, or a gig. Prayer, reading, meditation, and dvds usu. help. But not tonight. I'm just so sad.
This is so weird. Usu. I'm the one helping other people. Now I'm the one who needs the help of someone with a heart. I just got finished admitting to another Y/A member that one of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die in my apartment alone and no one will figure it out until they miss me at school or I miss a gig. :) Help me.
2007-10-21 13:49:27 · 7 answers · asked by Indi 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Omg, y'all. TY, TY, TY...forever. Your kind words and thoughtful advice helped me to have a good cry, to get it all out. Now I feel clear and hopeful again. I'm not out there looking for a guy (not my style), but now I am trusting the Universe that if I cont. to be my true self, keep doing my thing, let some new energy into my life, and keep an open mind, good things can and will happen. Now for a dvd, a bedtime prayer, and good night's sleep. Bless you all.
2007-10-21 14:36:00 · update #1
My dear indigogriot,
I know we have never met "in real life", but what I know about you is that you are all and more of the following:
very caring, strong, great to be with, warm, tender, giving, delightful, cool, intellegent, one you can count on in a pinch at 3am, and as wonderful as a person can be.
I met my wife 38 years ago because I was pushed into going to a college party, in the basement of a Catholic Church. Being Jewish I could see no reason to waste my time on going to a Catholic Church on a Friday night. But I was promised free beer and pizza. Late in the evening, I looked up and saw her. Long dark hair (I thought I liked blondes) and deep green eyes (I had not ever even known what color any girl's eyes were). I asked her to dance the last dance with me (I was positive she would say no). She said yes. The party ended when the song ended, so I kissed her on the forehead (why I will never know) and left. Anyway we have been married for a little over 37 years so far. Behind my eyelids she is still that girl with the long dark hair and deep green eyes.
What I am trying to say to you, indigogriot, is carry a steel umbrella. One day you will be at a party and see the wrong guy, you know the one, the one who does not fit any of the perameters you have set down for him. He will appear all wrong. Your socks will roll down and the bricks will fall from the sky, hence the steel umbrella. If you go and hunt for that man you will never find him. If you continue to be you, he will appear from nowhere and sweep you away.
Now pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.
2007-10-21 14:18:21 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
From all that you said, you are truly a person who is sensitive, a person who cares for others. a person who perhaps trusts too easily and gets hurt but you are also a person who deserves a very special person in your life and sadly you have not met him yet and were still kissing the toads while he was out looking in the wrong places for you. The two of you will meet in time and the prayers, reading and meditation will give you that much more strength to last until you meet him.
One thing that may make it easier to tell the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, and which you may enjoy is to go to the site below and learn handwriting analysis. This has been proven over 80% accurate and can easily tell you how open a person is, whether they have goals, how secretive they may be and so on, and you can practice that on the handwriting of your students as well as the men you meet.:)
you need friends to talk you through moment like these so make them in real life or contact some of us here - I already talk online by IM with a few people I have met here, so there are some who would make great friends and be happy to talk when you need someone to listen, and remember that by not having anyone now, you are not also being cheated upon, abused, or put down like some of those who are but put on the happy faces you see and think are so happy. Good Luck to you!
2007-10-22 22:39:04 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Breakups suck, no doubt about it. Been there, done that, many times.
First, pat yourself on the back for doing all the right things. You took a much-needed break from dating, fill your life with productive activities that help help people and yourself, and you don't stay with losers. Again, you're doing all the right things! So many people in your boat would immediately jump into a relationship with Mr. Wrong b/c they can't handle being alone. That sets the breakup cycle going again.
The key for you will be learning how to enjoy being partnerless w/o any self-pity. For starters, I suggest you read the marriage section of Y!A. Notice all the miserable souls in abusive relationships with Mr. (or Mrs.) Wrong b/c unlike you they didn't have the common sense to leave players and people they're not compatible with? Declare that it's better to be by yourself than with the wrong person. And then continue to do what you're doing: meditation, reading, helping others, being with supportive friends, etc.
Also, it's okay to be sad sometimes. In a society that offers a pill to stop sadness (not just clinical depression), we too often lose site of that truth. If you're human, you're sad sometimes. It's part of the human condition. Hang in there--you have a healthy attitude and psychologically healthy lifestyle--I'm sure you'll feel better soon.
As for all those couples out there, many of them are miserable or only appear happy b/c of physical attraction. (Again, read the marriage section.) And the happy ones could lose their loved one at any moment to accident or illness. Never envy anyone b/c you don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
I didn't meet Mr. Right until I was 44 years old. And I resolved that I would not be or stay in any relationship with the wrong guy. So when Mr. Right *did* come along, I was single and available for him. And if he didn't come along, I would have been reasonably happy anyway.
2007-10-21 21:06:37 · answer #3 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
We can put on a happy face when we're with others, but when it's time to go home, we know we go home to an empty house, with no one around. I felt like that a lot when I was single. I cried many nights/days because of the loneliness. No one wants to be alone. Everyone deserves to be loved, and deserves the best of what life has to offer. That is you my dear cyber friend. You too deserve to have the happiness that others are feeling from being in a relationship. It's ok to break down and cry and let it all out. It's a healthy way of releasing those unwanted feelings. With the way you touch people here on Y/A, I'm sure your friends from school, and your band are grateful to have a person like you in their life. Breakups, scorned hearts can really put a damper on future happiness, but if you let go of the past hurt, that will help you to open up for future happiness. Open your heart up for love, for it is what nourishes our very existance. It's what feeds our soul. We pick one fruit off the tree, and it may be bad, and we look for others and we may find soreness, or bruising, but if you keep looking, and be patient, you will find that ripe one that is perfect for the grabbing. And when you do, grab it, hold on and don't let go. :-)
You too will find that perfect fruit. (silly analogy I know). :-)
You are loved thru Y/A. We enjoy your writing, your words, your thoughts, and advice. Please keep up the wonderful compassion you have for others because we need you.
God Bless!
2007-10-22 21:38:10 · answer #4 · answered by lady_bella 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Indigogriot,
I hope you slept well. You have been a very good friend to all of us. Thank you. I'm sorry that you are lonely. I've been through similar experiences. I agree with William B. 100%. What beautiful, insightful and thoughtful advice. I have a bit to add. Place a profile on Match.com. So that when he looks for you he can find you. That's how my hubby found me! It took a while. Three years, but I met some great people and had a lot of fun until he did. God Bless!
Take care.
I'm always here. If you need an ear. I'd love to help you. You have helped me with so much.
Thank you.
Jen
2007-10-21 23:46:41 · answer #5 · answered by Jen 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I always find that a great guy appears when I put myself out there in a new way. So, how about trying a new hobby or finding a new hangout? Something you haven't tried yet.
2007-10-21 20:53:41 · answer #6 · answered by MR. Tumnus 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Awwww! Thats so sad! U need to just find some1 to talk to! It dont hav to b a guy. If u evr need to talk to any1, just email me plz!
2007-10-21 20:58:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋