My bf of 6 months and I recently broke up (we're both 25) because we were starting to get pretty serious and he decided he didn't want to be in a serious relationship. He still wanted to hang out, etc but said he didn't want to lead me on. I saw him out with a girl who is a friend (they are not dating, i know that for sure) and he called me and invited me to dinner with them, I couldnt' go, and he said he'd call me later. Well that was 2 weeks ago and i haven't heard from him since. This is the longest we've EVER gone without talking... even when we weren't together or on a break or something, he would still call me or text me every day or so.
I know he doesn't want a relationship, but I do miss him and his friendship. Should i call him or text him with a little hello, or has he moved on completely and doesn't want me in his life? It kind of hurts because we had a good friendship. Should i give him his space and leave the ball in his court? I don't want to look clingy or needy.
2007-10-21 11:37:24 · 23 answers · asked by Leah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He knows very well I want to stay dating but he just doesn't want anything serious.
2007-10-21 11:43:13 · update #1
I wanted to answer this question before I even finished reading it. Here is the deal. The ball is actually in your court. My advice comes from some of my own personal experiences. First, you let him be the one to contact you, after all he wanted the break. Second, I understand you miss your relationship with him be it a friendship or romance. Its hard to walk away from something you enjoyed however men whether they are straight, gay or whatever love the thrill of the hunt its a natural instinct. So, GO out hang out with your friends make another guy friend and spend time with him. Your life should show him you have continued without him. Guys aways want what they cant have and if he sees you moving on he will realize just how great you are and he will want you back. But who knows you could just meet the man of your dreams while you wait for the man who clearly is not waiting for you. Good Luck and remember guys are wimps they cant commit, its not about you!
2007-10-21 11:47:20 · answer #1 · answered by Steven C 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am no relationship expert and I don't think one exsist. Primarily because relationships are so complicated. The 8th wonder of the world. However I can speak from experience and I will tell you though I know it is incredibly difficult for you don't contact him. Give him his space. Why are we always the one expected to make the 1st move? Look at it this way, if he does call you it will feel incredibly wonderful and it will let you know he is still interested. If he doesn't make any attempts to contact you then it is time for you to move on. One thing that can end up happening in a situation such as your is that the guy will expect to be friends with benefits, thus leaving you feeling used. However from what you said in your questions he doesn't seem the type. Remember that old saying our parents used to say 'If you love it let it go, if it comes back to you then its your, if it doesn't then it was never your to begin with'(or something like that). I think he needs space to see where his head and heart is at and in the long run giving him this space may work in your advantage. either that or he has moved on. Resist the strong urge to contact him, I promise it will get easier as time goes on. And who knows in the future you guys may be able to have a good friendship, but if you pressure him you won't get a chance to find out. Good Luck
2007-10-21 18:51:10 · answer #2 · answered by nyc2caligal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say if it is honestly just friendship what you're after, do text him (that's the advantage of textmessages; they show just the right amount of interest, because people cannot hear you voice or anything) telling him something simple like Hi! just wondering what you're up to, and then leave it to him.
one thing that is important though is, if you (not him: you) are really serious about moving on, it would be a good moment to start doing so, and sadly, but true, we all know that is only possible if you really put some distance in between. Youi do not need to stop being his friend, but maybe it is good for you not to see him so often now, otherwise, you will continue to get entangled in this "in-between" situation.
Anyways, to sum up, for the sake of friendship, send him a short hello, and for your own sake, decide what you really really want from this relationship and if what you want is not possible, move on girl: there's so much to do out there.
2007-10-21 18:48:18 · answer #3 · answered by Ecatl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi.. I do hope you are not too down and that this situation will not cause you to get depress. I think you should move pride out of the way and give him a text. Show how caring you are by saying a brief hello. Say to him " Hi, I haven't heard from you in a while are you ok?" You know your usual greetings but do not give the impression that you are seeking a relationship with him. At lease you shouldn't since he decided he needed his space. remain in contact because frienship isn't about always laughter but about caring for and understanding each other. Good luck.
2007-10-21 18:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing in what u said keeps u from calling him, you can call him anytime and that is not desperate , breaking up a relationship is not losing a friend,and yet you have to know that getting serious is not a step u take or something you plan things flow in a relationship where u suddenly find yourself walking on that path. So stop breaking down things and be yourself,
Good Luck
2007-10-21 19:03:25 · answer #5 · answered by Dareen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be extra careful here. It is difficult to build a friendship with a formal lover that isn't a needy relationship.
Why not return the favor? Get a friend or two together, and call him to ask him to join both or all of you to eat or do something?
This certainly wouldn't qualify as 'desperate' and you can see how it goes. If he comes but never contacts you after that, consider him as having moved on.
2007-10-21 18:42:44 · answer #6 · answered by nora22000 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definately call/text him - for all you know he may be sitting at home wondering exactly the same thing.
Try and have a reason for calling him though, in case he isn't expecting it when he answers, perhaps ask if he wants to catch up for lunch or check out a new movie or something?
But with text, since it's much more anti-social you may not even need a reason, just a simple "Hey, haven't heard from you in a while and was wondering how you are" should be o.k
2007-10-21 18:43:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Two things - he does not want to be in a relationship. If you do want, then you may not call. Secondly, if he has changed his mind about relationship, after meeting someone else, then again you should not call.. because you may not get good response. So you may want to wait, for a little more, and then do call him to say hi. That way you will remain as good friends at least. Remember, he may be very busy with something important, and may be planning to explain to you
2007-10-21 18:43:35 · answer #8 · answered by tgssoft 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with yourself. You are still clinging to more than just friendship. You need to come to terms with the end of the relationship before you call him up. Otherwise, you will continue to seem clingy to him. He might also just need some time apart to find what he wants in life.
2007-10-21 18:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by mrunge340 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd call him to see what he's been up to, he's probably waiting for you and maybe took you not being able to go to dinner as you not wanting to continue a friendship with him. he's probably wondering the same things you are. pick up the phone and call him. I'm sure both of you will feel better!! good luck!
2007-10-21 19:01:13 · answer #10 · answered by 0 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋