parenting a teenager advise plz!!!!!!!?

Question

Ok..... i am 20 my fiance is 19, we have been together for 7 years her mother gaive up all her children out of desperation. My fiances little brother is 15, his first placement did not treat him "fairly" so we took guardianship. when we first got him he got into a liquer cabinet and almost died of alcahol poising, we have caught him stealing money, we have caught him smoking pot, he has bad grades in school, when we first got him he got expelled from school for violence. What can i do to correct him, hes a good kid but he likes to stand out he loves attn. me and my fiance are full time students and full time employees we give him everything we can including expensive clothing and a flashy cell phone....hes spoiled. we have tried removing video games and computers and cell phones and everything imaginable but nothing seems to work. We are his last hope please some serious suggestions.

he likes football but does not have the grades to play

he also lies to ppl and says were mean to him and he never does anything wrong, we force him to clean obviously all a lie....

ohh yeah i almost forgot he likes to think he is in a gang, remind you we are in a very nice neighborhood where gangs consist of a few kids who think they are cool because they have snot rags hanging out of their pockets.

Answer 1

Tell him quite seriously that he's got to grow up! You and your fiance are busy working and studying and he is literally taking up your time and money! So tell him that he's got a week to show you he can change or else (insert appropriate i.e mobile) will be taken off of him. Then he can have them back if he gets a higher grade than usual in the school.

You admitted it - you're spoiling him! Stop now because otherwise he'll never learn that it's wrong.

Answer 2

He's asking you for attention, you have to realize that he is having a really hard time adjusting to this new lifestyle and may feel abandoned by his mother..so to get out of feeling this way he acts out and hopes for attention. He's testing to see how much you want to keep him around. You need to sit him down and ask him why he's acting the way he is and ask him what you need to do to get him to stop. He also might not see you as an adult figure because your only a few years older then he is. I'm sure you remember what it was like to be a teen, how would you have wanted your parents to react? [not on the surface mind you] Talk to him and give him clear limits along with a sense that you love him and actually want him in your home. Then you need to enforce those limits and provide a consequence, grounding may not always be affective, but you need to continue doing it.

Remember to think of the things he's going through as well..they might make you think about what he needs in order to better adjust to your home environment.

Don't listen to people when they say he's suicidal, if he would he would be pushing you guys away..not begging for attention..and also..don't make hasty descions based on someone else's diagnosis of your little brother.

Answer 3

Remember he Is A young man And He is growing Up.. He is Curious and not to mention It is that time in his life when he is Spending more time in the Bathroom (if ya know what I mean). So it Is only Natural that he is going online and finding things. As For your daughter She is just trying to be the cool big sis. As u said she is too old. I would start by putting the computer in the family room and if he wants on it he gets on it there. He should not have a computer Without supervision at his age anyhow. U need to make sure that U also set up his own log in name and have the parental controls set for his name. U can do that by clicking on the start at the bottom and typing in parental controls. Then I would tell your daughter that Your son is way to young to be on the computer looking at those things and that It is unacceptable behavior for her to endorse it. That u expect better of her. Remember porn Is not the only thing he can see online that is bad.. there are many other things.

Answer 4

First off- spoiling him obviously isn't working. take all the fancy stuff away immediately. This kid sounds like he needs more supervision than you are currently providing. I'm not critisizing, but being honest. I commend you for taking on the responsibility- but he needs extra attention and supervision and with both of you working all the time, he's not getting it. Someone needs to get more involved. If you can't work less then make him take some positive after-school activities that are designed in helping with kids like this. Make sure to be rewarding him for the GOOD things that he does. Give him extra attention- help him with school work. You also need to make the rules clear and develop a schedule that works for you. As soon as he's home from school and you guys are home from work- that's time for one to make dinner and the other to help the kid with his homework- if there is no homework, study time. Eat dinner together and talk about the day. Meet his friends- they can only come over to your house under your supervision. That way you can keep tabs on him. Do random drug testing- you can buy kits you can use at home.

Answer 5

It sounds like he's testing you, seeing if there is a point in which you will kick him out. He probably feels abandoned by his mother since she gave them up, and is trying to test these new boundaries with someone that is barely older then he is. Of course he loves attention, he's a teenager most of them do. You need to sit down and talk with him about why he thinks he needs to lie, don't spoil him, he's going to take advantage if he can, because he probably doesn't know any other way. Seek family counseling, not just for him but for everyone because this is a huge adjustment for all.

You've been dating your girlfriend since you were 13 and she was 12? That's a long time, and good luck to you.

Answer 6

It sounds to me as if he is doing all of this is spite of his mother giving him up. I understand that the mother had no choice, but it may all seem differently to a 15 year old boy. He may think that he has nobody to turn to. I would highly reccomend some sort of therapy, or a doctors visit. Sit down and talk to him with your fiance and tell him how this is affecting the two of you as well as his future. Start setting limits - he has to be home at 8 or 9 o'clock every night. Ground him if he is caught doing something he shouldn't be doing, he may hate you now for it...but it could save his future.

Answer 7

It sounds like he is acting out because he's hurt. You could try therapy, but if he's not into it it's not going to work. You may want to look into a wilderness program. It doesn't sound like he would benefit from a military school. He needs therapy more that discipline right now. Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

He needs psychological counseling, now. He may not want to go, and it will be hard to force him, but he needs to talk this out with someone not so close to the situation. He is obviously violent and suicidal and you will not want that in your home when you are married and have kids of your own. He will not look up to you are parents, you are too close to the same age. Sadly, he has signed up for the school of hard knocks. So be prepared not to rescue him next time he falls. Tough love is hard to preach, but stick to your guns.

Answer 9

Oh, my goodness.
Is there an older adult you can talk to? I don't think Yahoo answers is going to cut it.
At least there are two of you there for him.
The best thought I have on this is to find out from other people's experience what tactics you can take. I suspect spoiling him is not one of them, but you also don't want to suddenly come down really hard on him. He has to know that whatever you do is done out of love.
He definitely need boundaries, and has to know that what he does has an effect on you. I'd really look for local (non-internet) sources of family counseling and support. Bless you for what you're doing!

Answer 10

Consider military school. my friend sent her bad boy teen who straighteed right out. Some schools are tuition free in exchange for active service later on. You're too busy to deal w/him, leave the military school info on the counter & say next screw up... & you'll be there until you're 18.