My husband and I were invited to a party (pig roast)-of a coworker. This coworker happens to live in the same city where we work. We went to the party, had some food and my hubby had some drinks (I can't drink right now b/c I'm pregnant). After a little while I noticed one of my students was at the party. It turns out this student is dating my husband's co-worker's younger cousin. (follow that?) By about 7pm, I noticed several other students were showing up. I don't really know this co-worker, but I couldn't understand why several of my high school students were showing up to this roast. Even though I wasn't doing anything in appropriate (drinking, smoking, etc), I felt awkward and wanted to leave. I was fearful that I could not only be sending the wrong message to my students, but it was possible I could have seen something that I would be legally forced to report. I felt that my presence was inappropriate. My hubby disagreed because I wasn't doing "anything wrong". Who's right?
2007-10-21 09:57:51 · 13 answers · asked by Sue A 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
#1. Who's right: me or my husband? #2. If you agree with me, how can I make my hubby understand why it was inappropirate. #3 If you were a parent, how would you feel if your kid came home from a party and you found out their teacher was there. (As innocent as it was)
(FYI- I don't really know this co-worker of my husband. I'm not sure why these kids were at his house. (except for one))
2007-10-21 10:01:33 · update #1
None of the details matter EXCEPT you are a teacher. You are absolutely 100% right. You should have left. You play a role in everyone of those kid's life. It doesn't matter that you were not drinking or smoking. They don't know that and neither do their parents. You are a role model in the community.
I admire and salute you for wanting to leave the party. With all the terrible things going on with teachers and students, it is wonderful to hear from a great teacher. I hope your students appreciate you.
2007-10-21 11:55:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree mostly with your husband, you weren't doing anything wrong. Even one or two alcoholic drinks wouldn't be wrong or setting a bad example at a party, as long as you don't get drunk (if you weren't pregnant; I think it's very good of you not to drink at all now!). I guess a pig roast would've been around dinner time and run on some time into the evening, but it wouldn't be an all-nighter, or a great booze-fest... no big deal for there to be teenagers and adults mingling. What kind of things were going on or were you suspecting were happening that you would be 'forced to report' -were the kids getting drunk? It wasn't in school time, so I agree with an earlier poster that either there would've been something you had to report or not; that has nothing to do with your job. And if my kids would've gone to a party and their teacher was there I wouldn't think anything different than if anyone else we know was there.
2007-10-21 18:57:45 · answer #2 · answered by Sheriam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You weren't doing anything wrong but I would've wanted to leave too. I'm a teacher myself so I understand where you're coming from. It wasn't like it was an ice-cream social or anything, this was a party where alcohol was being served and since you teach high school than one of those high school kids could have had a drink. Not to mention the fact that since your husband was drinking any of the students could have taken anything he said or did as inappropriate and then tell someone. I teach fourth grade and everytime we have a get together after work I go. However, one time one of the teachers that came brought her two third and fourth grade nieces and I was extremely uncomfortable with that. Right away I called the waitress over and told her to take my drink away and bring me a soda (I was drinking a margarita). I understand where you're coming from and I really don't think there is a way to make your husband understand. All I would tell him is that I'm not willing to risk my reputation and career on the chance that some kid tells a lie about me because he/she saw me in public.
2007-10-21 17:32:41 · answer #3 · answered by NYinFL 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing by leaving. Even though you weren't doing anything wrong there's no telling what may have happened. Teachers are held to a higher standard than most people because they are responsible for our children and in our judgmental society even if a person is innocent, if they are around others who are engaging in inappropriate behavior they can get "tarnished with the same brush". If there had been no alcohol served at this party then it would have been just fine for you to stay. Just tell your husband that you value your reputation as a teacher and you hope that he will respect that.
2007-10-22 11:37:52 · answer #4 · answered by Coop's Wife 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really? I have encountered students in social situations, and provided my attitude has remained professional and detatched, I have no problem staying. I just make sure that no professional boundries are breached.
Of course, it does depend on the age of the students. College and above are more acceptable, to me at least, to associate with if encountered by chance, though once again professional standards must be maintained.
Also, I never drink/smoke in the presence of minors, however at uni level they are old enough to indulge in these vices themselves, without any influence from me, and so it becomes a moot point.
In your case however, given the age group (not from US so am guessing pre college), I believe you were probably right to want to leave, especially if you felt uncomfortable, though Im not sure how you could make your husband understand...
And where I live if parents found out a teacher was at a party with their children they would be more reassured then disconcerted/upset.
2007-10-21 17:09:09 · answer #5 · answered by Rafael 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At least in my state, if not across the US, a teacher can get in trouble for observing students engaging in certain behaviors (such as drinking) or can get in trouble for knowing that adults allowed these children to engage in those behaviors, but did not report them. You do mention that there was alcohol at this party, but don't mention whether or not you saw your students consuming any alcohol. I guess from the nature of this question you must have seen this type of behavior, or something else that made you feel that you were being placed in a precarious position. Your husband should have been more aware of the difficult position you were placed in, and been willing to take you home from the party.
2007-10-21 22:23:49 · answer #6 · answered by JenV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a mother. I think it would be ok if my child was at a gathering where teachers were at. BUT if there was anything going on such as them setting a bad example I would not find it appropriate that my child be there. If it was an adult party, it should have been kept that way. School systems are getting worse and worse and teachers are contributing to the bad behavior and misconduct. THANK YOU for trying to set a good example. By not remaining in a situation you felt was inappropraite you did the right thing.
2007-10-21 17:20:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your husband as right. You weren't doing anything wrong. In fact, you were setting a good example. You don't sound like you were making an effort to act stupidly in front of the students or get personal with them, so probably as in the "good old days" they'll remember your presence in a positive way and have good feelings about you. Sometimes this could be a way to get shy students in your classes to open up to you more. If one of the kids grabbed a beer or a cigarette and you don't remember seeing it, then don't worry about it.
2007-10-21 23:45:18 · answer #8 · answered by Zelda Hunter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your awkward feelings. I mentor students the same district in which I live and have many teacher friends.
You were not the host of the party, so why others were there, regardless of who they were is not your concern.
As long as your behavior was not 'unprofessional' there is no real reason to be concerned. That your behavior was appropriate is in itself a good example to your students.
If anything did happen which you needed to report, it probably was something that needed to be reported regardess of you being a teacher.
2007-10-21 17:21:47 · answer #9 · answered by Jim 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If these are high school students, I don't think you did anything wrong. When I was in high school it was refreshing to see teachers as "human" In your situation I would probably feel uncomfortable, but I'm not going to turn down such invites just because I might run into one of my students.
2007-10-21 17:10:50 · answer #10 · answered by Franklin 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋