What if he's ready to have a child but you aren't?

Question

Yesterday my boyfriend of two years told me he was ready to have a baby but I'm not. I mean there are so many things I want to do before committing myself to a kid. I'll admit I'm a little too selfish and maybe immature to have a baby even though I'm 28 years old. I still like to spend my money on frivlous things and I love the freedom of spending my paycheck just on me and not have to worry about feeding any kids. Plus, I wanted to get married before I had kids but he hasn't said a thing about marriage, though. He has asked me about stop taking my pills at least 3 times today and I keep saying I'll think about it because I don't have the nerve to tell him. What should I do?

Answer 1

There's nothing to "do"...you're not ready, and it can't very well happen without you so that's the bottom line. I can't help but agree with you however, about the importance of marriage (at a minimum) before deciding to have a child; a wise conclusion. It's responsible thinking like that which leads me to believe that when you DO decide to have a child, you'll be a terrific mother.
By the way, 27 years ago what the guy above me (Davey) said was partially true (though it wasn't universally true of all women even then) and his mother's experience reflects that fact. But advances in medicine, fertility methodology, and general knowledge of healthy living have given women many more options on when to conceive (up to and including waiting until later in life), as it's not uncommon today for women in their forties to have their first babies.

Answer 2

Talk to him about the way you feel and do mention that you want to be married first and if he loves you and really wants to have a baby with you, then he will make a commitment. Also, let him know that even if you get married that doesn't mean that you want to have kids right away. You aren't selfish for wanting to enjoy your freedom and spend all your money on yourself but just remember that if having kids is something that you really want, it should be done before you get to the age where it would be more complicated and risky.

Answer 3

If you are 28 and you are not ready to have a child, I hate to break it to you but you may never be ready to have one. My mother had me at 27 and regrets it, since I am the only child she was able to have and wanted to have another one. Women that wait long to have a child have less chances of ever conceiving.

When you go out and spend all your money on yourself, remember that when you are old there will be no one to take care of you if you end up with NO children. It is sad to see old people sent to nursing homes where no one cares for them. Children are an inheritance from heaven. Spending money on them and feeding them is a blessing that pays off when you are old.

If you are selfish, then think about yourself when you get old, you will need someone to take care of you.

Answer 4

First of all if your relationship is this deep why aren't you married? Second keep in mind that you will likely be the one taking care of the child, feeding it, diapering it, and most of all, GIVING BIRTH TO IT! So kindly remind your boyfriend of this and tell him that if is willing to take on these responisibilities (aside from birthing the kid) then you will think about saying yes when you are ready. (and married) Good Luck!

Answer 5

Tell him the truth!
First, tell him that you're not ready. And, ask him how come he can bring up having children but not marriage?
The two of you need to discuss eachothers opinions and hopefully work on an agreement from there.

Answer 6

If you don't want to seem selfish just tell him you want to wait until you're married, have a house, pay off certain bills.