I was rape, when I was young. Now in my 30's, I find myself single again. should I bring up a past I want to forget?
2007-10-21 08:37:58 · 19 answers · asked by msassata 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You don't have to mention anything to anyone. It is your past and your privacy.
That said, when you find a man that you are serious about and are secure in the fact that he wants to be seious with you, you may find yourself dealing with some difficult emotions and behaviors that aren't really you. At that point you may want to tell him about your past and deal openly with the issues of intimacy you are facing. Having that conversation will help you both deal with issues together and constructively.
Of course, everything may go very well and you may not ever need to talk to him about it.
I just know from my own experience that I finally needed to tell my husband about what had happened to me when I was in school - I was raped also - and I found that I had a difficult time trusting him to the degree that our marriage required. At the time I sought therapy and we went to marriage counseling - it saved our marriage! But it wasn't easy to talk about - nor was it easy for him to hear - but I trust him more now than any person I've ever known and I'm glad I opened up to him!
Good luck, hon, keep yourself and your heart safe, but don't be afraid to get serious with a man who loves you!
2007-10-21 08:49:07 · answer #1 · answered by Mirage 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it's important to be honest about your past to have a successful future relationship because of issues that might arise. Timing is everything you don't want to just tell everyone all the time especially when it's going to bring back the pain and violation all over again. With casual dating it's not important to share this information, but before a relationship progresses to intimate it is important to share this especially to see if he or she can be supportive of your growth past this tragedy if or when it should have an impact on your relationship.
2007-10-21 09:01:10 · answer #2 · answered by passion2share 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing shameful on your part in what happened to you; you were both a victim and a courageous survivor in this equation, but that's not the business of the casual acquiantance until they've demonstrated some "worthiness" to be trusted with so personal and painful an event in your life. Sharing that information involves exposing yourself to a certain degree of vulnerability, and I don't recommend inviting vulnerability under any circumstances until you're sure of who's in front of you (characterwise). That's just standard policy for all things. In fact, to the extent that you ever share that with anyone, it should be only where it's therapeutic and comfortable for you. I wish you well. God bless you.
2007-10-21 08:49:24 · answer #3 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Here is the deal. You can bring it up, but some guys don't wan to date someone who is "broken". Now there was a lot of thing that happened to me in my past. I still have nightmares, somethings trigger kinda like flash backs. I never told anyone that I was dating about, until it got real serious. I figured they didn't need know. When my husband asked me to marry him thats when we talked about everything.
So if you are just dating, don't tell. If your getting serious (marriage) then talk about it.
2007-10-21 08:44:09 · answer #4 · answered by winterpixie_13 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That probably shouldn't be the first topic in a conversation while talking with someone your trying to date. But you might want to gradually move on and start dating again. Yes, it is something bad that happened to you but you need to grow and live your life as well.
2007-10-21 08:42:00 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Victory 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When the time is right ... down the road in a commited relationship.... then if you choose to share your passed ......
Give your partner a chance to learn about you and who you are now ..... up front it may be assumed you have alot of baggage to deal with ..... it could scare a person off who does not know you ......
Be Safe, Be Happy
2007-10-21 08:42:40 · answer #6 · answered by John 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Only if the relationship is serious. I met a woman, had drinks, she took me to her apartment, had drinks, kissed, fondled each other and then.....she said, I'm going to bed, you stay on the couch because I have been raped before. Total scare, I was scared to even move until the next morning
2007-10-21 08:43:09 · answer #7 · answered by Buddy Love 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I don't think you should bring it up on the first date or anything, but maybe when you get to know each other a little bit better.
2007-10-21 08:41:06 · answer #8 · answered by Air Guitar Goddess 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It depends on the intimacy level of your relationship. It is not something I as a guy, would consider dishonest if not brought up at the beginning of a relationship. If we were deeply involved, I would feel hurt if you would not have mentioned such a big thing.
2007-10-21 08:41:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you want to forget it which you never will than don't bring it up. Its good that you want to be honest but thats a large burden or surprise to place on someone your getting to know, plus its a very personal experience, theres a time to share that with someone but 1st meeting, you want to share yourself with someone who you feel comfortable to share this with.
2007-10-21 08:45:25 · answer #10 · answered by Simply D 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋