Moms (and dads, sure, your opinion is valued as well), I genuinely need your feedback on what I should do here. My oldest son, who I love dearly, is in Army ROTC in college, graduating this year. He is a top student and top cadet, and is really looking forward to going active duty as an officer.
The problem is, he has a medical condition he's hiding that would disqualify him from being on active duty.
What do I do? Say nothing, and hope the Army finds out on their own? Drop a dime on him and get him out of there? I'm really torn on this one. I should add, it's a medical problem that wouldn't affect his ability to serve at a desk job, but if he gets deployed to that hell hole across the way it could get him hurt or killed.
I'm really upset about this, and value all advice, thank you.
2007-10-21 08:17:49 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Military
I would just like to say THANK YOU to all, and you've given me a wide variety of opinions. Both his dad and I are ex-military, so we do understand the other side of the coin (so to speak).
And I'm not sure I agree with the "nosey" or "unethical" mom dig, that's a little unfair considering the circumstances, don't you think? But thanks to everyone else for taking the time, I appreciate it.
2007-10-21 10:04:31 · update #1
Annie, I just wanted to tell you this is from an injury this year, not a chronic medical condition, so it honestly just came up over the past few months.. :)
Had it been something long term neither his dad or I would have supported the rotc route at all from the beginning.
2007-10-21 13:23:28 · update #2
It is unethical for you to interfere in your 21 year old son's life.
At the same time, its unethical for him to deceive the Army about his medical condition ... those restrictions are there for a reason!
Two wrongs don't make a right, but if I were in your shoes, I would probably handcuff my child to the radiator to keep them from going to Iraq, so perhaps getting him sentenced to "desk duty" is a convenient way of doing the same.
You're just going to have to live with being unethical. It may take him many years to forgive you, but at least he will be around to do so when he's ready.
Edit: As others have noted, you should probably wait and see if the Army discovers this on their own, absolving you of your moral quandry.
2007-10-21 08:24:47 · answer #1 · answered by Zac79 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ok, (and by the way I'm a DAD of the variety person) what branch is your son going into in the Army? If it is a desk job then he probably does not have anything to fear. If he has passed the summer camps and his condition did not affect him then again he's probably good to go for a desk job. Now that 'hell hole' is really not as bad as the media likes to portray it. While I was over there I never had to hump (walk) more than a few miles (10 or so) and I never stayed away from the FOB (the base) for more then a day or two (by the way I am a Cavalry Scout). Since I do not know what your sons medical condition is and I am not a doctor, I can not give you a complete assessment of the risk.
2007-10-21 08:28:30 · answer #2 · answered by dee dee dee (mencia) 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOur son should have had a complete physical by this point, along with a reveiw of his health records. It is possible it was missed, or if it doesn't present unless certain things (stress, dietary issues) change/occur it could have been kept hidden. However, as former military, you know the reasons for these guidelines...to protect not only your son, but the men that would be under his command if he should suddenly become incapacitated. And you also know (or should have an idea) of what could happen if they find out he deliberately lied about the condition if it happens to cause problems. The command needs to know and it would be best for it to come from your son. It is time to sit down with him and tell him , in direct terms, that he is not going to be a fit commander and it is unfair for him to continue on this path when he will not be able to safely lead and support his troops in a deployment (and am sure you know there is little to be done to avoid it once he is commissioned). Make it clear that you are not willing to allow him to risk himself or others. If he still refuses, then you may need to consider taking this information to his command. I have to say, I am a bit confused how you would allow and encourage him to go ROTC if you knew he would be ineligable to serve, but you are now in a position of not only having to do what is right for your child, but to due what is right for the others he would serve with.
2007-10-21 12:24:51 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to convince him to report it. And if he refuses you need to contact him supervisor, tell him you plan to do that in hopes he'll do it himself.
You'll never forgive yourself if something happens to him or other soldiers due to this medical condition. You never know they may let him be active anyway that is non deployable, or they may release him of his duties. But it sounds as though his done very well thus far and he will be fine as long as he gets this condition looked at by docs.
If it's something like diabetes he will not be allowed to stay in (cousin is a 18 year medically retired Lt. Col.)
There are also plenty of civilian jobs on base that he could still do in the states. GS jobs are great jobs and with a college degree he can start off making good money with good benefits.
2007-10-21 08:36:15 · answer #4 · answered by Just me 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
-As a parent I say Yes it will be hard but it is your son and his health and welfare is your responsibility.
As A Soldier I say it is your duty to reveal this not only is his life in danger but the Soldiers under his command. We prescreen medical for that reason and that reason alone, If he is on a mission and he goes down he could jeopardize the mission and the lives of his Soldiers.
Please if he has a degree he can still get a Great Job working for the Government in a GS (government service) position serving his Country just as well.
2007-10-21 09:43:17 · answer #5 · answered by ZOO~BAT 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not say anything that could get him in trouble, this would only cause you to lose a son. Instead I would encourage him to come forward himself. This will let the Army be more lenient on him and perhaps find him a suitable position for himself. If you turn him in after he's already told them that he's fine then he will not only face a dishonorable discharge but could also see jail time.
2007-10-21 08:43:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough 1. I do know that in the early part of enlistment it is possible to discharge someone if there was a condition and they lied, not sure in your sons case.
If deployment is a possibility and the condition can hurt or kill, I think you already know the answer to that one. Remember, it might kill other people depending on him - in the states or otherwise (really depends on job field).
If deployment came up, then I would say something, a desk job is not that bad if he gets to stay in.
2007-10-21 08:30:32 · answer #7 · answered by eetrapnoel 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You must report this.
His medical condition could get others killed and he is committing a crime by hiding it.
As hard as it may be you must tell him either he will own up to it or you will drop the dime.
You must think of all the others in the Army whose lives could be at risk for his selfishness.
2007-10-21 08:23:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ma'am i'm a soldier. I do know that the army will do a very indepth medical/criminal back ground check. If this condition is on file in his medical records the army will findout about it.
2007-10-21 09:29:06 · answer #9 · answered by aintlovegrand78 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is a federal offense to lie or omit anything on any of the paperwork he signs. WHEN he is found out( Not if, but WHEN) he will be in a great deal of trouble, up to and including being responsible for paying back the Army for all the money they spent on him during ROTC.
2007-10-21 08:35:18 · answer #10 · answered by Mrsjvb 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋