Borderline Personality Disorder, my ***!?

Question

Isn't Borderline Personality Disorder just a fancy, politically correct, wishy-washy way of saying someone is pathologically selfish?

And aren't we caving into these narcissistic, sadistic, arrogant losers by coddling them and telling them it's not their fault...they have a DISEASE?

Please forgive my tone, but I was raised by one of these monsters and now I have a step-daughter who terrifies me and who is exhibiting the same behaviour.

I was terribly physically and sexually abused as a child, and was abandoned by my mother several times, but I can show empathy and love and know how to work and be a contributing member of society and I realize that I am not the center of the universe. What's their excuse?

Oh, I forgot...they have DISEASE. Pfff.

Sorry "Me". But have a little compassion for me too, please: I was forced into child prostitution by my step father and had two abortions when I was twelve and a mother who had "BPD" and was a cocaine addict and alcoholic and then I was abused AGAIN by her drug-dealer boyfriend. Finally, after suffering from extreme depression for 15 years trying to get over the abuse that I suffered at the hands of a couple of BPD's, I now have a step daughter who is inflicting emotional and physical abuse on her mother, father, children and me.

But you're right: I should have some compassion for these people. I haven't done enough to help THEM!

I admit, I've been venting. It's just so difficult to be victimized by these people and then get told that I should be understanding! I have been their victim and yet I hide in a corner, diligently going about my life, keeping my nose clean and watch as they boo hoo and people crowd around them giving them all kinds of attention and getting mad me, their victim, for not being understanding enough. I am not usually bitter in my daily life: I work and volunteer as a tutor for children and my husband can't believe I have lived through the things I tell him because he says I am the easiest-going person he knows. But YES, when BPD's abuse innocent, well-meaning people, it upsets me. My counsellor encourages me to acknowledge MY feelings because I have been so numb for so long: denying the abuse I suffered at the hands of a BPD to protect THEM. It is HEALTHY to vent these feelings.

I will acknowledge, however, that not all BPD's are abusive, and I apologize to those who aren't.

Answer 1

Those who accept being sexually and physically abused and are no longer abused are far less likely to have Borderline Personality Disorder than those who haven't accepted the abuse and remain in relationships where they perceive abandonment and abuse even though no such abuse or abandonment is taking place.

The link from NAMI is a more educational approach to BPD rather than stigmatizing the illness as "pathologically selfish." The first paragraph is reproduced below:

"Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a most misunderstood, serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. It is a disorder of emotion dysregulation. This instability often disrupts family and work, long-term planning, and the individual’s sense of self-identity. While less well known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is as common, affecting between .07 to 2% of the general population."

Answer 2

BPD exists,it is certainly not a politically correct term for anything. Actually, it is (or at least was) quite a controversial diagnosis Partly because anyone who SI is pretty much always given that diagnosis whether it is true or not. I have been assured by several of my previous and current therapists etc that diagnosing someone with this was pretty much code for 'lost cause', though I believe that is no longer the case.

The problem is that personality disorders are notoriously difficult to diagnose, BPD being one of the worst. Factor in its professionally negative connotations and well it was often diagnosed for all the wrong reasons, either because someone SIed or because they were awkward, angry or yes, selfish.

To my knowledge this is no longer the case. In fact last time I looked into this there was a campaign to change the name of it so that all this past negativity can finally be forgotten and put to rest.

I feel awful for you that you have suffered so badly in your past. Whether or not your parent had this I really couldn't say, but its more than possible she was mis-diagnosed. If your step-daughter does indeed have it then I hope she gets the right help and therefore doesn't continue to terrify you.

Answer 3

I completely understand your anger. I asked a similar question and I had to ask oh so gently as to not offend these folks (it's open as of now BTW).

But here is some truth...many rehab and mental institutions (both private and public) will NOT take in people with this diagnosis because their manipulative behavior has hurt so many of the other patients and therapists alike.

Many of them just use there disorder as an excuse to do whatever they want. Statistics show that many will threaten suicide, lie, cheat, and steal to get their way. I believe there is no excuse for being mean and hurtful to others. I KNOW where you are coming from.

Answer 4

Your bitterness is overwhelming you. You have chosen to be angry at innocent people because of what has been done to you by a handful of people. I was hideously abused as a baby, child and teenager myself. My mother had a mental disease and my father was alcoholic. But I don't fault all alcoholic for being monsters because of it. What I am trying to say is- keep focused on who really deserves your anger and then start working on getting past it. Not because you should but because you, of all people, deserve to be happy afetr all you have gone through.

Answer 5

excuse me, i have bpd...and im certainly not a monster, and i dont appreciate you branding me as that either. my illness is very real. very painfull, and tough to live with...its no wonder people like me feel ostracized, when theres people like you outthere!........put the shoe on the other foot, how would you like to have it? have no friends, no life, an unsupportive family...never worked...live alone struggle everyday, have no one to turn to?!! spend everyday alone and isolated....waiting to get the right help and therapy.....how would you personally fair up?

my lifes no picnic, so please dont label and tarnish me because i have a disorder that wasnt my fault. i was bullied...sexually abused twice....couldnt mix through high school...bullied throughout high school....never made a single friend. im now 30 and trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered life....and now you want to ostracize me to......basically rubbishing people who have bpd on a public forum..

i know you had pain full experiences, and so have i, but it doesnt give you the right to persecute everybody who has this disorder and label us monsters!!
i hope you see where im coming from and think about things you have said. bye

Answer 6

It is not a disease, it is a personality disorder. You seem to demonstrate the anger and bitterness common to this disorder, but if the rest of your life is going great, good for you! BPD people can get better if they want to, and their behavior IS their fault, they are making choices just like the rest of us, no matter what their background.

Answer 7

it is a disease and they cannot control it and just because you dont have it does not mean you can be an @$$hole about it you should try to be more empathetic and kind and then maybe life will get better for you
sorry to be rude but u need tough luv

Answer 8

BPD are commonly called 'cutters'. What you are describing does sound like spoiled or selfish, but you don't give a lot of details.