ok. I have been dating this guy on and off for a while. The only reason why we are on and off so much because he lives in a different state and i can only see him on the holidays when he comes down here to visit his mom and brother. I love him sooooo much and he says he loves me, and i do believe it really is love. I know 16 is young and all to love someone. Last night we were on the phone and he said he was gonna marry me someday, and he was gonna ask me to marry him next time i saw him. He said we didn't have to get married too soon. We could wait a while. But my question is what should I do...? I've seen girls my age get married exactly at 16. Their marriage is working out fine. I don't know how to break it to my mom how much i care for him && that i want to marry him. Its all a big blur. I don't know!!! Someone help me.
2007-10-21 07:21:48 · 23 answers · asked by Sweet_o_O Tarts 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I fell in love with my husband at 16. We didn't get engaged until we graduated from high school and then we married at the age of 18 and 19. We have been married almost a year. Next Sunday to be exact. We are in love and have two kids. I think you should wait until you graduate from high school or until you are older. I don't know if you will change your mind in between the time. But I do know parents will respect it much more if you waited until you were older. It will look a lot more thought out. If your parents don't know him then it is time you introduce them to him. Also you need to think about (if he is older) what your parents will think if you and him are intimate. You need to talk to your bf and tell him how you feel. If you are asking what to do you need to really think if this is what you want.
Do what you feel is best.
2007-10-21 07:35:42 · answer #1 · answered by Christa K 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off, most states will not let you get married under the age of 18 without parental consent (from both of your parents).
But beyond the legalities of it, you need to listen to the other posters and finish school and mature a little more. I know you love him sooooo much, but being married and living together is much, much, much different than talking on the phone and just seeing each other on the holidays.
People change so much between being 16 and being in their 20s. I was with my high school sweetheart for 4 1/2 years (started dating him when I was 16). We were really in love as well. But by the time I got to my sophmore year in college and was 20 years old, the two of us had changed so much that we just couldn't keep things the same and we decided to end the relationship. It was a lot easier to do this while dating rather than if we had been married. I think you'll be amazed at how the last few years of high school and first few years afterwards can change you.
If it really is true love and the two of you are meant to be together, than it won't matter if you wait a few years to get married. It will never be a matter of "if", just a matter of "when". And, girl, you have all the time in the world right now!
2007-10-21 08:11:34 · answer #2 · answered by Muhnkee 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
O.K. I met my husband when I was 16. I felt the same way as you. We got engaged after a year, but didn't get married until I was 19. We have been married for 31 terrific years.
My advice to you is just wait afew years & see if you feel the same way.
And BTW, we have owned a house since we were first married. I had my kids real young ( 22 & 23) We have travelled extensively, and I have never thought I'd missed anything. Not every marriage ends in divorce. Alot of my friends got married young. We are ALL still married. However I know lots of friends that are divorced, and these people waited until their late 20's.
2007-10-21 17:15:48 · answer #3 · answered by tess 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok...As I'm sure you already know, you're quite young to be even thinking about marriage. I'm sure you read all the other posts, and get the picture, so to speak. I will say that it's not impossible that you two will wed, and be happy, but it is highly improbable. Tell your mom exactly what he said, and ask her for her advice. Tell her you haven't agreed to anything yet, and that you're confused and need a parents loving advice. Let her know that you've got a good head on your shoulders, and you know that today is way too soon for anything to happen.
You and your BF need to grow a lot. Your point of view at 16 is way different than your point of view will be at 18, 0r 20, 0r even 21.
The best thing you can do to prepare yourself to marry this guy, or whomever you end up with is, as cliche' as it sounds, to finish your education and prepare yourself emotionally, physically, and financially for a mature relationship with a good man. This guy even said himself that he's not ready to marry right now, so 10 points to him for realizing you both have a way to go before you walk down the isle. You need to take a long view here, and recognize that the more you prepare now, the better your lives will be when you do get married. Regardless if it's to this guy, or to someone else.
Good Luck
2007-10-21 12:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
What about a promise ring, rather than getting engaged? I was in love at age 15, dated the guy for three years and we moved in together when I was 17. We split up when I was 18 because, well- quite frankly he was insane.
I am now engaged to a wonderful man I have been with for 10 years. Please, give it time. It never hurts to give it time. Marriage is forever- and while I'm sure you know that, you have so many changes to go through and so much growing left to do. As much as you love him now- life changes people.
Do NOT base your relationship on others' relationships. You are you, they are them. Everyone is different. People were married when they were 13 a long time ago because they only lived to be 30- do not use this as a basis either.
If he is long-distance, what is going to happen when he proposes? Will it still be long-distance? A marriage is not an off and on option. Don't forget this.
No matter what you do, I wish you all the best of luck.
2007-10-21 10:17:42 · answer #5 · answered by boggin828 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You probably shouldn't get engaged at 16. I met my current fiancee when I was 16 and we dated all through high school, college and graduate school. We talked about getting married ALL THE TIME, but we knew we wanted our wedding to be special so we decided to wait until we were out of school (yes graduate school) to get engaged. It really made us learn *everything* about each other. We will be married in February and by then we'll of been together for 12 years.
You're young so just calm down. If you truly love him, you'll be able to wait. At least wait until 18 to do anything. I knew the girls in high school that were married and engaged during their junior year....I can't name a single one that is still married. (Or their not married to that same person anymore). You can't figure out who you are (no one knows 'who they are' at 16), help someone else figure out who they are and work on a healthy marriage at your age. You only have one childhood so live it up! Everything just gets ALOT more complicated everyday you get older.
2007-10-22 19:50:56 · answer #6 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is much more than just "love" or the pretty white dress and the diamond ring. Don't fall in love with the idea of love or worse, the idea of "fairy tale weddings".
Marriage is a lot of work, and it takes a lot of maturity. It is also about the blending of two individuals and their families. It is also about staying faithful to each other. It is about building a secure financial and emotional future together. Don't forget--children are always a topic that needs to be covered! Are you truly ready for that? Or do you have some really big aspirations (dreams) for your life and career?
I wouldn't say one way or the other whether 16 is too young. But I urge you to give yourself sometime to make this decision. Distance in a relationship often colors a relationship different than reality.
2007-10-21 11:04:03 · answer #7 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
For every one person who gets married at 18 and has a good marriage that lasts, there are probably 20 who are divorced before they turn 22.
Don't do it. It's a big world out there. Go see some of it, and then settle down. We all think we are in love and that it will last forever at 16, thank God most of us don't. Take the advice of those who have been down this road before you--- take care of yourself first. Get a good education, find a job that you love, then worry about finding a husband. You'll be so glad you did.
2007-10-21 17:07:28 · answer #8 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I really don't think age has anything to do with it.
I have seen so many people get married as teenagers and have lasting marriages.
Its really a maturity thing, some people might say maturity comes with age... but it doesn't always, sometimes age comes without maturity or vice versa.
What I would say is, first off as a Christian myself, marriages do not do very well without a solid foundation in Christ.
Your mothers acceptance and permission is huge also.
Good luck and best wishes.
2007-10-21 15:26:04 · answer #9 · answered by K 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are much too young. Wait until you graduate high school, and if you two feel the same way, go ahead and get engaged. At least finish high school! (Preferably some college, too!). I got married at 19 while in college, and it's been rough. It's been great, and I don't regret it, but I think that a younger marriage is a lot more work (they all require work!) than when you are older and more established.
2007-10-21 07:35:57 · answer #10 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋