Boyfriend son still sleeps w/him?

Question

I have talked w/ him about it but he just gets mad and says im jealous,anyways his son is ten yrs. old my boyfriend lays down w/ him at night and when his son wakes up he goes gets in his bed,everytime i roll over he is never there! Not to mention my boyfriend sits at the table and spoon feeds him is food whenevr his son says he doesnt want to feed his self,i just feel misplaced.

Answer 1

A lot of parents sleep with their children, there are even books and studies on what they call the "Family Bed" and this is all completely normal and acceptable. Obviously it bothers you a great deal, but this is your boyfriend's child and he will need to determine how to raise him. You are going to have to accept his parenting style or I don't know what else to tell you, Leave the relationship I guess. Since it is not your child, you really have no say in the matter.

No, I sincerely believe that the child is more than old enough to eat all on his own and that he does not need to be 'spoon-feed', however the child can clearly manipulate his father. Again, this is between your boyfriend and his son to work out. You can voice your opinions to him, but then you need to back off and let him deal with his son in whatever manner he sees fit. If you are asking in this forum so that you can just flash in his face, 30 people think this is wrong ... then you are totally off base here. That is simply not ok.

If he is telling you that you are jealous, and you are repeating this question here numerous times (per other answers), and you are making comments in your question like "i just feel misplaced", then maybe your reactions to your boyfriend's parenting are more personal and you need to deal with that seperately. It definately sounds like you are taking this far too personally. I also think that you need to consider if this is a relationship you can continue if you can not control it, it sounds like there are major concerns already. Think long and hard, especially since there is already one child involved.

***Addition***
You can get on-line information and have as many talk with your boyfriend as you want, however you have no right to contact his son's pediatrician because you are not a parent to this child. Therefore, unless the child is being harmed and you are reporting that (which it doesn't sound like you are saying that at all) then I would simply consider whether or not this is the right relationship for you. It definately sounds to me like you are jealous of the attention your boyfriend gives his son, and if that is the problem then you are acting very immature and shouldn't date men with children because children should always come first in their parent's lives. Eventually your boyfriend while tire of you hounding him about his parenting and he'll leave you anyway.

Answer 2

Since this isn't your child, I think you need to butt out. It seems to me like it is up to your boyfriend to decide how to parent his child and not you since you are not the mother. I'm not saying I agree with all of the terms you are discussing, or that you should, but simply that you need to let this man raise his child his own way. If he messes up it'll be all his own doing.

Does the child live with him full time? Do you live there too, or are you just over-nighting sometimes? How long have you guys been together?

It sounds to me like you are jealous of your boyfriend spending time with his son and showing him with attention and affection that you feel you deserve. This makes you the worst kind of woman, especially considering how few men actually take on the responsibility and you are trying to rob him of doing a good job as a father.

Answer 3

I think co-sleeping is a problem especially when the kid is 10 years old that is crazy and the fact that he still spoon feeds him you need to get your boyfriend to seriously understand where you are coming from and if he still can't understand then move on understand his son does come first but you need attention too

Answer 4

co sleeping isn't unheard off
perhaps when Ur bf and the child's mother split
he felt a need to be close to his father
u sound jealous to a point
i would suggest going to see a family counselor
there is more to this story
than what we are hearing

Answer 5

there is some serious issues going on under your roof. while sleeping with a small child once in awhile is ok.i agree it is not healthy for everyone involved. at 10 years old he can spoon feed himself and should be doing it. i know its not jealousy that makes you ask it is out of concern... talk to the child's pediatrician and ask questions... to me sleeping with a child over preference to a spouse or BF/GF is a major red flag! I would be asking questions too!

Answer 6

The co sleeping i not a problem however I think that he is attempting to keep him as a small child. Discuss age appropriate behavior with the peditrician. Ask him how his mother/father raised him and look up other ways that he can be with his son. Like building things, or riding bikes or skating.

Answer 7

why are you getting so upset sounds like they have a special bond which i think is great so he's son gets scared at night he feels his daddy is his protection thats sweet as for spoon feeding him still sounds like he is a little on the spoiled side but how does that make you feel misplaced sounds like you are a little jealous to me

Answer 8

i have a question...is your boyfriend a single parent? i think if he is hes trying to do the best he can. i think its fine for for him to wanna be there for his son when he needs him. now your boyfriend feeding him is a little too much!!! right now i feel your boyfriend is trying to do the best he can!!

Answer 9

Sounds like it really bugs you sweetie, it is his son and he was there prior to your arrival so chances are it is not going to change.
I would suggest that you leave and find a better living situation because it will only bug you more and more.

Answer 10

Co-Sleeping is not unheard of, spoonfeeding is odd behavior at best. I suggest family counseling for all of you.