I know you adore them and you 'wouldn't be without them' ...... but surely some of you wish you hadn't had children? I know it's a hard thing to admit but it would make women like me feel a lot better about our choice/circumstances if we knew the whole truth rather than only the fabulous parts that we're being deprived of. I adore kids but the men in my life haven't wanted them so I want to believe that life can be just as great (albeit very different ) in a child free zone! And I do have a great time ;-)
2007-10-21 06:33:40 · 31 answers · asked by pippi 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Most parents constantly complain about how much they hate having children, then say they would not trade them for the world. Who are they kidding?
2007-10-25 00:18:26 · answer #1 · answered by Professional Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We waited quite a while because we thought we didn't want kids. We got married when I was 27 and didn't decide to try for kids untl I was 31. When we saw our friends having kids, it started to feel like a better idea to us as a couple. Neither of us grew up with little kids around the house or had any experience with babies. But we knew that we had changed our minds. No pressure from our moms (and you know that had to be hard for them).
Are there lots of parts of parenting that suck in the moment? YES! Especially when you have lived an independent adult life with lots of freedom and a decent personal income. That for me was the biggest change in becoming a parent. You can't just pick up and run out the door when you feel like it without arranging a babysitter or packing up all that baby gear. I also was lucky enough to stay home until my two boys were in school full time, so I put in A LOT of hours for them and honestly didn't get a lot of time for myself. That said, I wouldn't trade it for anything. If you never had it, you could never miss it (like not pining for tiramisu if you had never tried it). Will your life be incomplete without it? Not unless you feel a void that needs to be filled by children.
My fear would be that if you "adore" kids, you sound like you really would prefer to have them and that tension will only build if you marry someone who doesn't really want them. Don't marry someone and hope that they will change their mind because if they don't, that can be a marriage-ending issue.
My life would be different without kids, probably some things that would seem better, but you are changed in the deepest sort of way when you become fully responsible for the life and happiness of another person. There is more pain and more joy. More sorrow and more love. Don't settle for less than you really want and you can't go wrong.
2007-10-21 09:27:40 · answer #2 · answered by jhawkmamax2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that any mother really wishes that she hadn't had children. I think that the closest thing that I feel towards that is that I wish I could have my old life back sometimes. Never do I wish I didn't have my daughter, but sometimes being a mother overtakes you being a woman. You have to make sure that you have time for yourself to feel like you are still a woman and not just a mom/wife. That is one of the hardest things. Also when I decided that I wanted to have a baby, I thought when she got older that it would just be like instinct that the child listen to me (I know I know to the mothers...I know. Don't say anything. I've grown up ALOT since I had her) and the most frustrating thing is having your child disobey you and then punishing them is horrid. Life without children can be "just as great", but on a totally different playing field. If you are happy with your life the way it is, then leave it be. If not, then seek out your happiness. You can't put a life without kids on the same plane as a life with kids. The two are so different in so many ways...
2007-10-21 06:41:00 · answer #3 · answered by Christy 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
i guess it really depends on you as an individual, I'm a single parent with a 2 yr old boy and i just had a baby girl 3 weeks ago. its hard! I'll tell ya that much for free and i have found myself wondering why i wanted another one sometimes. but i love them both soooo much, my life wasn't particularly great before i had my son so anything would have been an improvement, i have never been so loved or needed by anyone and its great and terrifying all at once. you do have to give yourself over to your kids totally though and you will of course miss aspects of your previous life but you could never wish them away once you have them. the thing to remember is that no matter how much anyone tries to explain it to you you just cant know how it feels to have kids, you can have a good idea but its much more intense than any of my imaginings were so you could say that you don't know what you are missing, but if you think about it a lot maybe you should hold out for a man who wants the same things as you instead of fitting your wants around theirs.
2007-10-22 01:46:28 · answer #4 · answered by cathc 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have three children and I am very grateful to have them. I would not be the same person without them. There really aren't times when I wish I hadn't had any children. Even when I am frustrated and angry with them, I never wish I hadn't had them. What if my mom had said that about me? Perhaps the only reason people wish they didn't have kids is selfishness. Being a parent is a sacrifice. You give up your own desires and preferences for their sakes. But for all you give up, much more is given back to you - intangibly speaking.
The truth is that God has planned each of our lives and if He has planned for you to be a mother, you will be. Perhaps He has other plans for you. He is ultimately in control of all things and all lives - even the yet to be born.
It sounds like you're not married. Having kids outside of marriage is not the best scenario. Wait until you marry to have a child. It really does take both a mom and a dad to raise a child (not a village, Hilary.).
2007-10-21 06:50:00 · answer #5 · answered by Thia R 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My kids are in the 30's 40's. Some I could live without. Once you have kids you are locked in on that path for the next 30-40-50 years. The trouble is you spend all your money raising them and then you are suddenly old and you have never done a whole lot of things that now you wish you had done but now are too old to do. The girls go off and raise their own family, the boys are absorbed with their jobs and family. It is a nice show while it lasts, but it might have been just as nice or nicer to follow your own desires in life.
2007-10-21 07:02:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have never met anyone who regretted having children but plenty who have regretted not having them. Family is probably the single most important thing in life and not to be a part of that is, I think, very sad. I waited to have my children so when they came along I really wanted them and didn't have any regrets. I'm sorry if this isn't the answer you want but despite all the hard work having children is are the most rewarding thing I've ever done and I would strongly recommend it.
2007-10-22 03:23:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i often wish i didn't have children, i have 2 boys age 5 and 7 and a step-daughter 12. it is not that i don't love them as i very much do. my problem is that the boys dad was very violent towards me and my boys saw things that they should no have seen. i wish that i had not had them so that they would not have to live with the fact that their father is a monster. i also worry how they will turn out because of this. that i have not given them the best start. their step dad (chrisj) is a star and we have a great family now, maybe if i had met him first them i would feel different. children are hard work but are very rewarding
2007-10-21 06:56:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-04-21 18:19:27 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Few people are going to publicly admit that they wish that they did not have children, even on here. Admitting to such a truth is taboo.
I have some friends that will admit to me, that they wish they didn't have children, but never if any other parent is around.
I chose not to have children, and so did my girlfriend. We are very happy with our choice. We have many stamps in our passports as a result of being child free. We are members of a child free club. We enjoy the company of people with no children.
2007-10-24 13:00:03 · answer #10 · answered by Marvin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have one toddler and a baby on the way, and I do find myself at times wishing I was back in the days before children, with all the freedom and less responsibility. Of course after having my child, I wouldn't go back in time and not have her if I could, but I do believe that both a child-free and a life with children can be ful-filling. However, it sounds like you do want children, but what is holding you back is that the men in your life don't. This is definitely an issue to address. It sounds like you're trying to justify the fact that you may never have children by getting mothers to admit that they wish they had never had their children (VERY few, if any, mothers would say they wish they hadn't had children after their children are born). Thus, you need to take a look at your life, your age (that dreaded biological clock), and your relationships and figure out what you really want. If you see children in your future, you need to admit this to the man/men you're dating and focus on finding one who shares this same goal, otherwise you may have major regrets later in life (I'm a Psychologist by the way).
2007-10-21 06:57:48 · answer #11 · answered by A.Fortier, M.A. 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋