im very upset. just had a big fight with the husband. when we met things were fine. until he got "saved".
now things are just getting worse n worse cause i dont believe exactly the same as him.
well the problem right now is with halloween. i see this as a harmless holiday for kids to get free candy. and yes i know the true history of it not the distorted one some religions try to give.
well he forbid me to take the kids out trick or treating saying that they were his kids and that what i was doing meant im going to hell and he wont have his kids follow me there!!
i was livid.
he basically told me i had to believe the same as him or he didnt know what he was gonna do. i told him if he cant respect my beliefs like i respect his that there was only one other option which was to separate. i have respected him. even going to church as a family on sundays with him but i guess this is not appreciated. im very hurt and angry about this. what should i do?
2007-10-21 03:18:37 · 50 answers · asked by maylene1852 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
and my beliefs are liek a deist
i believe in God, and living a moral life.
i do not believe in organized religion. i dont necessarily believe all the bible since the bible is a good book, but was written by men.
2007-10-21 03:38:30 · update #1
his religion is evangilical.
also i was raised by very strict pentecostal
so i kinda grew up hating church.
2007-10-21 03:40:46 · update #2
I feel more sorry for your Husband as he has been infected with that old evangelical virus of condemnation.
2007-10-21 03:22:07 · answer #1 · answered by Sentinel 7 · 9⤊ 6⤋
I feel sorry for you and the children. He is making your family suffer because he decided to follow a religion or belief, that you do not necessarily agree with and force his views on you.
And he's threatening you with "you're going to hell if you don't follow my way" statements. This tells you something about how intolerant, forceful and cult-like his religion is?
Why shouldn't the kids go out on Halloween if you say so? It's a fun event for a child. Don't rob it from their childhood. Why should they go to church if you don't want to? Be firm on this. Put your foot down and say "This is the way it's going to be". Let your husband follow his cult, but he should do it alone.
I've known families where the husband was a Jehovah Witness and the wife was a Roman Catholic. They learned to get along despite the major differences in their beliefs.
2007-10-21 03:30:57 · answer #2 · answered by Tom S 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First I have to state that I am of The True Christian Faith. so, I have to agree with the stand against Halloween... it is, no matter what spin is tried to be put on it, a celibration of that which is of The forces of evil... I have only been of The Faith For 7+ yrs. but I knew the truth of halloween long before that... my advice is to keep your kids free of that..... as to your marriage problem... I do not know your husbands position... so detailed advice is not possable... however... you may not be compeled to participate in any Christian Service or practice. That would be against The Word and Will of God... And you are not bound by the vows of marriage as it applies to one of The True Christian Faith. So, you are free to leave the marriage if you so choose.... that is a decesion only you can make based on ALL of the conciderations, not just the "church" issues.... If your Husband is indeed a True Christian then he is bound by a commitment to God that is a bove all other commitments... there are no exceptions to this... and that is what you must come to terms with... this does not mean any less love or concern for you or the children... just that his relationship with you and the children is now at the direction of God... if you can come to an understanding of what that means then you will see that it actualy is a strengthening of his commitment... espacialy to you... if he is following as God decrees.... I recomend you go to The Bible and read from Ephesians 5 from verse 22 to 33.... The burden is clearly placed upon the husband... and the emphasis is clearly on his emulating Christ in his relationship with you... there can be no greater love than this if it is fully achieved.... but... being mortals no man can fully achieve that... but he should be trying... and if you knew The Truth of Christ you would understand how you would benifit from such a relationship.... that is a long and hard lerning process for most...
I was married twice... I was not of The Church untill after the second marriage failed... I can tell you that if I had known then what I know now... the first may have suceeded... and there would not have been a second... in the 7+yrs I have had in The Church I have seen many extreamly strong marriages... of those who started out just as you describe yours now... but only because both parties strive constantly to be as God instructs.... that does NOT mean the wife turns into a slave... quite the opposit... the ones I know are quite pampered in many ways... but they also do some pampering in return...
You need to attempte to come to a betteer understanding... and your husband also... of what it is God intends for marriage.... if you can not accept this...and if your husband is not open to God's leading by Eph 5... then you. as a non-Christian are not bound by the instructions of The Bible... Your family is in my prayers.
2007-10-21 03:47:08 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He forbid you? That is the real problem. It sounds to me that he want to become "master of the household". You may think about asking him this. Do you want a wife, or a pet? You have the right to believe what you want, as he also does. There also has to be a certain amount of respect and tolerance for each other and their beliefs. If he is to shallow to see this then maybe you are better off with out him. Just remember, you are a person, not a pet. That is, if you want to be. You may have some tough choices ahead. Good Luck.
2007-10-21 03:30:58 · answer #4 · answered by MAD MEL 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Gosh, I can only say that I am glad I am not in your shoes.
You don't say how long you have been married or how old your children are. Presumably, you had some ideas agreed upon about how the two of you wanted to raise your kids. It sounds as if your H is trying to change all that now, in light of his new religious views.
The problem with fundamentalist Christians is that there is no middle ground with them. Every thing is black or white in their minds, and if you are not with them, then they think you must be against them. That makes it nearly impossible to reach a mature compromise.
Although your H is being very unreasonable, in his mind he thinks that he is doing something for the good of you and the kids (by trying to prevent you from burning in hell).
I would definitely let him know that you feel very hurt because he has not recognized your support, and I would tell him that the Bible says for husbands to honor and cherish their wives (not to mention what your wedding vows said) and you would like to know why he is not doing that?
2007-10-21 03:27:21 · answer #5 · answered by Theresa 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Your husband has found extreme religion. Is he in other ways a decent, and perhaps a better man than he was before? If so, cancel Hallowe'en.
Your beliefs are as valid as his, but your children are more important than the beliefs of either of you two, and their happiness is the priority for you both.
May I suggest your husband read GK Chesterton; an author and strict Catholic who nevertheless believed that fun is not an offence against, but instead a celebration of, God?
2007-10-21 04:18:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What? Why is no one advising you to be "subject to your husband"? I certainly wouldn't advise that either. I'd love to know where he got the idea you were going to hell. The issue isn't Halloween it's how he is treating you.
I admit that I am not one who believes one can "be saved" just by a profession of belief. I believe that "faith without works is dead" and his "works" reflect disrespect, intolerance and judgementalism. I hope you, your husband and your pastor (hopefully you go to the same church) will sit down and talk things through. And if he won't consent to, at least, talk I'd seriously consider separating from him. I hope it doesn't come to that but a man who damns you to hell is being abusive and I can almost guarantee it's only the tip of the abuse iceberg.
2007-10-21 03:43:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Halloween is OK for most religions. I'm curious as to what religion he has aligned himself with. It sounds as if the two of you need to sit down and have a heart to heart without the kids around. It is most important for you and your husband to present a united front for the kids. They will use this to prey upon either of your sympathies for their own means.
Halloween is just a day for kids. For some Halloween represents more than this, but kids don't know it. Is he going to object to Santa Clause too? Discuss with him how his stating that you're going to hell makes you feel as if he doesn't love you anymore. No one (especially a Christian) should say this to anyone. It is a judgmental comment.
I don't think the two of you should separate. You need to work through it.
2007-10-21 03:34:58 · answer #8 · answered by Soul Shaper 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
as a new christian he is doing what he believes to be best as the spiritual head of the house...
why would you want to dress children up and go begging for candy?
my children did it once and thought it was really dumb....doesn't the church have a fall festival or harvest celebration??
the spooks and goblins is just an incorrect thing to be teaching children....
respect you beliefs??? are the two of you equally yoked? walking together before God??
get before God and do some thinking ...this is not just a me me thing.....
2007-10-21 05:06:50 · answer #9 · answered by coffee_pot12 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As a Christian, I can tell you that I agree with you regarding Halloween. It's a fun time for children and there's nothing wrong with that.
Your husband sounds as if he's confused about what being a Christian truly is. I'd be curious about which church he attends, if any. His treatment of you is definitely not Christian, dear one! Perhaps you could talk with his pastor and get some insight.
God bless!
2007-10-21 03:35:22 · answer #10 · answered by Devoted1 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with michelle. Hes new to this and a bit overzelous. Only way to combat that is with reason not argumentation
With this senerio that you are having about halloween. Inform him that scripture says to not practice witchcraft. Dressing up in a costume and going to neighbors doors searching for candy..is not = to witchcraft.
Its not celabration of witchcraft and its not worshiping other gods.
Its people like your husband that shouldnt celebrate halloween, since he actually believes its for evil spirits or witchcraft. Im guessing your children believe that its for dressing up and getting candy ..so really they are fine in doing that
2007-10-21 03:34:06 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋