hi everyone.. i just want to ask your comments about this one. i have this special friend and we have been constantly having a communication for about a year. he was a highschool friend. im not really sure if there is something special between the two of us. but heres the catch for a year that we had this thing, i think i began loving him. we even had sex a month ago. i did it with him because i love him. but he is the typical jerk and i don't know if he loves me too. the only reason why am i continuing to love him is becasue i know that he needs me. im the only one he runs after when he is down. i tried neglecting him but i just can't. the only thing that i am sure of this very moment is that i do love him and i want to be the one to change him.even if it really hurts sometimes. i even planned my life with him. am i stupid? please let me know. by the way im maria. =)
2007-10-21 02:56:28 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you sure are.
2007-10-21 02:58:29 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Maria,
No. You are not stupid. You are learning through loving and hurting like many of us have. Those who have done it before and over and over with lousy results will tell you that you cannot change anyone but yourself no matter how hard you try. Eventually, you will realize this. You have some "need" to save him in spite of yourself. Figure out where that comes from and why you do not believe that you deserve more from a man. Whatever you do, protect yourself if you continue to have sex with him, such as using condoms and birth control. A baby in an unhealthy situation is a very bad idea.
2007-10-21 03:04:57 · answer #2 · answered by CARAMELIZ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not stupid. Though this relationship does not seem as if it is going too far. What is it you love about him`? Does he love you back? Is he willing to commit to you like you have commited to him? If you cannot answer these questions you need to talk to him. Explain what it is you are feeling and see what he thinks about you. If he is only in it for sex then you have your answer. Actions speak louder than words. I understand you love him and it hurts that he does not show it back, but wanting to be the one to change him is not good. When a person loves someone they love that person for who they are not what they will become after they have changed. First thing is first though try to talk to him and see what is really going on. Then you can go from there
2007-10-21 03:04:23 · answer #3 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not stupid, we can't choose who we fall in love with, and most of us (at some point) choose the wrong person. Part of life is discovering who is right for you, and well as what you really want. We all think we know what we want, but sometimes we're surprised when we realize otherwise.
But here's the important question: Do you love yourself? Why do you allow this guy to ignore you and treat you bad unless it serves his own selfish reasons? You might want to think that he'll change, and that he'll appreciate you for who you are and what you've done for him, but trust me, it won't happen. I've been there.
This guy is selfish and immature. And he'll probably stay that way for a very long time. Do you want to spend most of your life suffering, being unhappy, all for a guy who doesn't even care about you?
I was like you once. I always believed that I could heal a troubled woman when I met her. I would be the one to comfort her, to show her what love and happiness were. Yet I was always the one who ended up heartbroken, thrown away, and confused.
You need to realize: THESE PEOPLE ARE BROKEN. AND YOU CAN'T FIX THEM. ONLY THEY CAN FIX THEMSELVES. And they won't want to fix themselves as long as people like you and I allow them to limp along, getting whatever they want.
Think of this all-too-real worse case scenario: he gets you pregnant, then leaves you, and you never hear from him again. Then you're stuck raising his child, with nothing to show for the sacrifices that you made for him.
Your parents didn't bring you into this world to fix other people's problems at the expense of your own sanity and happiness. They want you to be happy. Someone who truly loves you wants you to be happy. Believe me, you will find someone who will teach you the true meaning of love. You'll smile everyday and be surprised everyday just because he goes out of his way to make you smile, instead of cry. True, not everyday will be perfect, but at least you'll know that he'll always be there, rain or shine.
So, stop believing that you can fix him and teach him love. Instead, make room in your life for someone who can teach you love, and treat you as you're supposed to be treated.
Men that are healthy and happy are attracted to women who are the same. So stop depending on this guy and other guys, and start loving yourself. The rest will follow.
Best wishes.
2007-10-21 03:15:31 · answer #4 · answered by Jimmy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let me tell you a few things.
A relationship is a state involving mutual dealings between people. Which means that you have to both be involved in it.
to me it sounds like you're having a One Way relationship.
it might all sound good to you right now, to think that you can change a person and that you will be the one that he comes to, blah blah, but the reality is that he will probebly always be a Jerk!.. you can't change a person,they're not made of play dough to shape and reshape them to make them into whatever you want them to be like.
you're going to devote your life to him? for what? so that he can go and sleep with other girls and then come crying to you
about how she didn't care about him?
do you want to spend the rest of your life miserable?
don't you have any respect for yourself? i guess you want to marry him and serve him for the rest of your life too? you will end up in an abusive relationship, where you cry yourself to sleep every night. he might have some feelings for you but they're Not the feelings you have for him.
for a relationship to work, you both have to love and respect each other. Have a really good think about this.
life is too short to spend it in hope that he will love you one day the way you love him. there's plenty of guys out there who will respect you and treat you they way you should be treated.
2007-10-21 03:11:01 · answer #5 · answered by nuggeteli 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well you're setting yourself up for one heck of a hard guy to live with.
And you cannot change him. Let me make that clear. Tons of girls stay with these guys because THEY want to be the ones to change the guy. But that will NEVER happen. Everything will just spiral down from there.
It'll cause you pain and too much on your shoulders.
I'm not one to say Oh just dump him, because it obviously wouldn't be that easy. But you have to think about the consequences.
2007-10-21 03:00:51 · answer #6 · answered by A 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being stupid if you think that you can change him. Only he can change himself and he has to want to do that. So, while you are sitting there with your hopes and dreams of loving this guy, he's going to turn around and toss you aside when he no longer needs you. Sad, but true. I know you aren't going to do anything about this and stick it out. But, just be prepared for heartbreak city.
2007-10-21 03:02:34 · answer #7 · answered by CC 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there is a lot here that we don't know. Thinking that you can change someone is a pipe dream. It sounds as though this is the perfect relationship for him. He has someone who will listen to him and have sex with him. What's in it for you? If you continue this relationship, you will be in for a lot of heartbreak. FInd a good guy that you don't have to change.
2007-10-21 03:01:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Maria, I can't say you're stupid for loving him. If anyone is stupid it would be him, NOT YOU. We can't choose whom we love, nor can we change them against their will. If he wants to change, then he'll have to do it on his own. But this doesn't mean you can't help him along the way, which I strongly urge you to do. I hope my answer helps you. Good Luck.
2007-10-21 03:05:01 · answer #9 · answered by Mike M. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Maria. I think you really need to think long and hard about what you want. You need to decide whether you would rather love someone who is going to treat you like crap, or wait a while longer to find someone who will love you and treat you well. Your call.
2007-10-21 02:59:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
am i stupid?
Don't think so... you are smart enough to see that this is a mistake.
What you are doing is stunningly stupid. You want to be needed... it feels good to be needed... so you are letting this guy treat you like used kleenex, and have invented this whole fantasy about how you 'love him" and "plan your life with him."
Girl, that is FANTASY.
The reality is you are sleeping with a jerk.
Go buy this book, dump the jerk, and build a real life (not Fantasy) with a real man. OK?
http://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Things-Women-Their-Lives/dp/0060976497
2007-10-21 03:02:43 · answer #11 · answered by Larry R 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋