Ok, I got all you're awesome answers. I'm not a selfish person at all....quite the opposite, but his issue really sets me off. He can talk with the inlaws, I don't care, but when I hear....."I have to make a decision if I'm going to the in-laws Xmas party...and I'm between a rock & a hardplace, because someone will be upset no matter what I decide" that goes above & beyone the tolerance level. The party is Dec 23....we bowl and that's one of our bowling nites......bowling is not a big deal and I could care less about bowling. My issue is...you tell me you want to spend the rest of your life with me....and you love me, so why would you EVER decide to hurt me or make me mad over your former inlaws?....I've been more than patient with this situation. We went to dinner with them, at a family graduation with them...(where the former mother in law talked ill about my bf's mother..not cool), so I've been more than willing to be accepting...
So thank you all for the responses.
2007-10-21 02:19:11 · 5 answers · asked by janice5_98 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Because his wife died, I think he will always have a connection with these people. It's one of the ways they probably use to keep their daughter's memory alive. You said that you could care less about bowling...so what's the big deal about him going to a Christmas party. Even though he loves you, part of your boyfriend will always miss his wife...let him spend time with people who he probably still considers "family" without making him feel guilty about it. It seems as though you think he should be available to you 24 hours a day and not have anything important that isn't about you...that's very selfish...and will probably end up ruining your relationship.
2007-10-21 02:27:16 · answer #1 · answered by Cheryl S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
But where is your unselfishness?
You state in here about love and him deciding to have a relationship with his former in-laws, so I ask you, where is your love for him and your support in this relationship with the in-laws?
Just because you have gone to a dinner with them does not mean that you are supporting him.
One point that you either don't acknowledge or cannot accept yourself is that your boyfriend loved (and still loves) his deceased wife - and he may want and need this connection to her, through her family.
This is not your decision to make - it is his. Would it be okay for him to start telling you that you need to stop relationships that came before him? If he told you that he felt your best friend's mother was manipulating, would you cease that friendship - because he didn't approve?
He's a big boy - and can make up his own mind on what relationships he wants to have in his life...and if you are going to be so unaccepting of the in-laws, one of the relationships he decides to end might just be the one with you.
2007-10-21 02:36:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cheryl is right .....
You should start looking at these folks as extended family and accept they will always be apart of your lives as a couple ..... or choose another man to share your life with.
He was and is a part of that family .... it will not change.
How would your parents feel if you were the dead wife and he were dating again .......
You have some very hard life decisions to make ....... Choose well .... some decisions do get a "Do Over".
Good Luck.
2007-10-21 02:37:43 · answer #3 · answered by John 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Haven't read your question history, so I have no idea what you are talking about. However this always applies. You cannot control anyone else, only yourself. Conditional love isn't love.
2007-10-21 02:58:22 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His "in-laws" sound like terrific people. How do they treat you? Maybe he was a good husband to their daughter, & they're proud to consider him a "son". Maybe his real mom IS a b***h. You kinda sound like one yourself. Maybe you should lighten up before you end up w/o him, & lonely.
2007-10-21 05:15:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋