My husband worked at a place for almost 30 years when it finally closed down. That was 7 years ago. He has since gotten another job, but his pay still isn't up to what it used to be. Every single day, he tells us the story of how family don't understand that he used to make this much money and he still hasn't caught up and that he can't afford to do what they do, ect... How do I get him to move past his past and move forward?
2007-10-21 00:48:53 · 3 answers · asked by Mrs.Blessed 7 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Me or the children have never complained. We are perfectly content and never ask for anything. He is the one usually complaining, unfortunately.
2007-10-21 11:13:23 · update #1
I think the bigger understanding is from you and where he was, to where he is. He put 30 years into a company and worked hard to provide for his family. When he lost his job it was very tramatic for him. All that he strived for over the last 30 years was lost almost instantly. As a man, we do not like to move back in life. To move back after years of moving forward is a sense of failure. He probable feels that he has let the family down and, more importantly, let you down. Although you have moved from this situation, it still reminds him of what he was, a success, and what he is, a failure. This may not be true but in his heart this may be what he feels. I would say that you should tell him how much you appreciate what he does for the family. How supportive he is and how, even though you two faced one of the worse situations that can happen in ones life, you both still stand TOGETHER ready for what ever the world brings. This wont change what has happen but may make feel a little better know that you understand his view on the events and appreciate his perservance through it (even with all the complaining).
2007-10-21 01:02:55 · answer #1 · answered by ChaRiaLer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His ego has hit him hard. Men are nothing if they don't feel they can continue to support their families like they think is needed. That has been a source of pride for him for the past 30yrs. Plus, if he has always handled the bills in your household, he is now pulling money from one place to another after having a system that has worked for a long time.
If you still have children at home you may want to have a family meeting (with or without him, what ever is best in your situation) and explain that there are ways to cut some corners on spending so that he doenst feel like he has to keep up with everyones wants as opposed to their needs, if he sees some of a group effort and that will ease his stress a little. He is facing the fear of retirement and being able to support you and take care of you like you are used to. You will probably never get a hard working man from your husbands generation to stop worring about these issues, but hopefully you can help him to relax a little bit Ask him if he would like to sit down and go over finances and get all of the cards on the table so to speak.
At the end of the day, all you can do is be supportive of him and let him know that you are worried about other things as well, such as his health because of the undo stress he is putting on himself. Let him know that it is okay to be still as a family and let the money build back up, he needs to know that you arent' feeling neglected since he has had pride in supporting the family for so long.
Like I said Men from his generation are very differant from we women of that generation. They cannot let things roll off of their back like we can!!!! My husband needed surgery that would keep him out of work for 6months. Although he would still be drawing 85% of his pay and we have no kids at home or anything that we really needed to worry about, he was a wreck!! He had to work on his blood pressure before the surgery. Maybe they just don't remember the struggles of when we married them years ago, when it was really hard to stretch a nickle. lol
Good luck, hope something helps!!!
2007-10-21 08:10:06 · answer #2 · answered by DeltaQueen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its really hard to work somewhere that long and then have to take a paycut i would suggest that you do things like rent movies shop second hand stores possibly get a job to help out and family activities that does not involve a whole lot of money everybody will adjust get involved with church and whatever else have a positive attitude and tell him you love him no matter what through whatever troubles tell him you will always be there for him
2007-10-21 07:56:38 · answer #3 · answered by dreamweaver 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋