Nearly 28 year old virgin and depressed. How do I break out of this depression?

Question

I posted a question regarding my being an older virgin recently and most of the results were positive and that's encouraging.

I still can't help but be depressed though. Science says that a male's sexual peak is in his late teens to early 20's.... so according to science, I've already missed out on the best sex of my life and from here on out it's only downhill. Oh boy!

I can blame it on my depression.. or my lack of self esteem.. or my shyness and in the end these all likely played a part.. but in the end excuses are just that... an excuse and I need to accept the fact that my current situation is my own fault.

I have genuine worries about a woman being able to accept my virgin status and on top of that wouldn't even know where to begin once it became time for sex.

I feel so inadequate that it's laughable. I feel not only that I'm a loser because of my situation, but sometimes feel I shouldn't even exist because of it.

I mean if your a virgin at only 2 years away from 30... the term hopeless tends to come into play.

I appreciate girls making me feel better by saying it doesn't matter... but I don't believe that to be the case for a second.

Hell why should I bother with sex right now anyway? I missed out on my sexual peak so why should I care?

I'll tell you why.. because more than anything in this world I want to meet 'the one' and in turn want to have kids with said person.

I love kids and a life without ever becoming a parent, is a life I simply don't want to live.

In terms of the depression... I'm starting to question if snapping out if it, is even possible.

I'm not a religious person.. I'm Atheist actually, but perhaps I'm wrong about religion and this is 'God's' way of sticking it to me for being a non belivier.

A life full of never finding out what sex is like.. never being a parent.. and dying lonely.

The hooker idea is NOT going to happen.

I can't have sex, for the sake of having sex.. or I would've done so a long time ago.

No bond there?.... then no sex period.

and the no hooker obviously goes for prostitutes as well.. Again I want a real bond there before having sex.

I do worry about women being willing to get to know me and my lack of experience to the point of forming a bond.

I won't sleep with a hooker and/or anyone else for 'pay' for a couple of reasons.

1: I would feel that was the only way I could get sex and can you say counterproductive? That's the word of the day.. counterproductive.

2. I would die virgin and 'curious' before I slept with someone who didn't have a bond with me.

I'm bad about adding details.... I tend to add 'too many' but anyhoo.....

I've had relationships, though it's been a long time.

Dated a super good looking Vietnamese girl in Jr. High and High School for a year.. but we never got beyond the 'making out' stage (though I feel this was in part toward having a pervert for a younger brother who would always 'spy' on us)

That was a good 12 years ago and since then I've only dated one girl and that was an online relationship in which the girl lived in Delaware and I live in Missouri.

Obviously not trying plays a part.. other than something like going to work, or grabbing a bite to eat I can count the total number of times out of my house with one hand a couple fingers on a second hand over the last five years or so.

My life consists of working...sleeping..getting on my computer...or watching tv.

Makes it hard to meet a woman when you don't try.

Just don't feel trying would do any good.

oh and won't post a pic.. too shy

Oh last edit.. I promise... I'm getting tired of typing after all :)

Just to let it out there... this is just 'how close' I am to turning 28.

I'll be 28 on November 10th.... as I was born November 10th of 1979.

Part of me wants to set a 30 year old deadline.

On one hand that seems fair.... I mean if it hasn't happened by 30.. then will it ever?

I feel 30 is fair also.. because that's over two years from now.. that's a long long time to meet that special someone.

On the other hand I feel that a 30 year old deadline would be silly.. because I'm sure there are people who met the person that completed them... and also took away their virginity after 30... surely that's happened right?!?

Answer 1

All I can say with certainty is that you haven't missed out on anything, sexually speaking. Sure you've thrown a lot of good years away by not having a mate, but all I can tell you is that young women are terrible in bed.

I'm not kidding. Even though women in their early and mid-20's look amazing they are absolutely, positively horrible in the sack compared to a sexually liberated women who is 10-15 years older.

A older woman, who has stayed in decent shape, and is confident in herself--a woman who is not afraid of what you will think of her, or that you will tell her friends she is a sl*t--will blow your mind.

It's wierd. Older women and younger women feel about the same in your arms, the move very similarly, but there is something about an older woman. You can tell the purpose behind her movements is to have a serious get off session, unlike a younger women, who is trying to be sexy for vanity's sake.

Trust me, you may not have the same drive you had when you were young, but women your age are 1 million times better in bed when you get them switched on properly. I'm pretty sure it's true even if they are virgins, too.

They just stop caring what other people think when they get older, and they focus on what they want. I suggest you do the same.

Answer 2

Seriously, I say let the cat out of the bag. You're a 28 year old virgin, own it. Take a day, buy some nice clothes, hit the gym for 2 weeks, then head out with your buddies to a bar or club and make no bones about. You're a virgin. You will immediately be crossed of the list of bangables by half the women in the bar, but 1/4 to 1/2, you will probably up the intrigue. Who knows, by the end of the night, there may be a competition to be the one that gets you in the sack. And if it doesn't work out, just say it was a gag the next day, like pretending you just got divorced or pretending it was your birthday to meet girls. For real, what have you got to lose? I think I'm gonna tell everyone I'm a virgin the next time I go out and see how that rolls.

Answer 3

I am a virgin too, 26 years old and I also stress on it sometimes. However, I am willing to wait until I am ready as long as I don't die a virgin I'm happy.

The worst thing is people always asking if you have found a boyfriend yet or assuming I'm gay, which I'm not. I figure it will happen when it happens.

Answer 4

You just need to hang out with more positive people and you need to boost up your self-esteem as well as confidence. Also... Don't put the *ussy on the pedestal. (In other words... treat them like humans too... Cause there not god)

Lets see... umm... 28? No doubt your getting a bit old to have had never had a relationship and it would be hard to find a girl that is willing to teach you at that age to loose ur virginity too. Your best bet would be to go for an older women because they are more understanding about things like that and mature.

Also... One thing I have an issue with myself... Is my mid-high standards... How are they? Do your standards relate to yourself at all?

Answer 5

Of course it would be better if you had more experience but you are at the age most people marry, so if you find a woman you like it's quite possible to marry her -and after a serious relationship you will not mess around with different women. If you don't know how to handle the relationship ask a friend other than the one who advised you to go to the brothel or your father (if he's in life)

Answer 6

Im 40 a male and still a virgin(by choice). Trust me there are good girls out there that would love to be with a virgin man. You just need to believe that being a virgin is special yourself. Your next move is to go to places that nice women with good morals hang out at. You could try church, or if thats not your thing, try charity events or charitable organizations. Trust me any girl that gives unselfishly fior a good cause is a girl that will treat u like a king.
Now go and get em my virgin brother:)

Answer 7

hi there don't be depressed lots of people are still virgins. they smply just wantto save their self for marrige. so you are NOT a LOSER. lots are not virgins and like being with a virgin. im not a virgin but i don't mind being with one. becasue that just simply means that they are a great person to be around and don't want just one thing. and you know what that is. but i like virgins because i know i dont want someone who ain't one because i dont base a relationship on just that one thing. i base it on how well i get along with that person and how much communication we have and how much we do have in common. i like to be with some one for who they are. not because if they are a virgin or not but because of their personallity,and how they treat me. so do not be depressed. i know alot of virgins. i took someones virginity before.so i know. i didnt lose mine until i was in the 6th grade to a guy i loved. but you dont do it until you feel you are ready though ok. watch movies you know the kind im talking about. you can learn from that so when you feel you are ready you will know what to do. ... good luck sweetiie

Answer 8

Maybe you should see a counselor. You seem to be holding up, not suicidal or anything, and thats good. Try going out with some friends. I assume that you don't have a girlfriend....and you mentioned that it's not because you're shy or not confident, so go out to a club or a bar and talk to some ladies there.

Good luck.

oh, btw, don't listen to science. You can definitely still have sex when you're 28! Just stay positive, and you'll get through it.

Answer 9

Let me tell you right now that there are many quality, wonderful women that would be thrilled to know their potential boyfriend isn't a user. Please don't think badly of yourself for not giving in to temptation and for being pure. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

I knew a couple that dated for a few years, both were virgins and wanted to stay that way until they married. They are one of the happiest, most well adjusted couples I have ever known, and they still talk about how they are so glad they made the decision not to have sex before marriage.

If you meet someone who just wants to "devirginize" you, then I'd be suspicous of her. Find yourself a nice girl and be up front with her from the beginning. She might find you even more charming and trustworthy knowing you aren't going to be focused on getting in her pants.

You are rare, but you're not alone. I'm proud of you and hope you will learn to be proud of yourself.

Answer 10

I have carefully read your question and explanatory note thereunder. I reached at the conclusion that, despite your age 28 years, you can enjoy sex . The time frame mentioned by you for peak sex enjoyment, does not invalidate natural instinctive desire of sex in women. as well as in men I have seen women who are 40 ys,and even 50 years yet they get maximum enjoyment out of sex. This is my personal experience. I have crossed 50 ys, and when I do sex with woman, I get maximum pleasure, the condition is that your mind must accept the opposite partner, otherwise even the couple who is at 20 years, will not get enjoyment if they are not mentally indcuced to have sex with the other partner. The conslusion is that age is no limit for sex, the only condition is that you must mentally accept the other partner who is doing sex with you. Good Luck.