Just because he used to babysit her children all the time when he was living under the same roof, she expects us to do the same even when he's gotten married & has moved out. It's perfectly alright to help her out for a few hours but it's usually for a couple of days when she follows her husband on business trips.I think it's really selfish of her to ask us to leave our house & move into theirs to watch over her house & kids when they are, in fact old enough to take care of themselves. Everytime I try to talk to my husband about this, he gets defensive & we'll get into an arguement.How can I turn her down or tell her that it's not right without hurting my husband's feelings?
2007-10-20 22:12:08 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Her main reasons for asking us to help her out everytime she needs it, despite having other family members, is that she can only trust us to keep an eye on her house & kids.Since we have our own freelance jobs that does not require regular working hours & do not have any kids of our own yet, we are the "best" candidates for her everytime she needs someone to babysit her kids & house + maid or to pick her kids up to/from school.My husband maintains that it is his duty to help out "family" whenever he can & thinks that I'm being selfish & petty everytime I bring this problem up.He will then start to compare my family but he doesn't realize that even if my family needs my help..I don't pull him along.They definitely will NEVER ask me to leave my own home to take care of theirs.There are always other alternatives.
2007-10-21 01:06:39 · update #1
This has been going on even before we got married...when my husband (bf back then ) wasn't available, she would call me to help her out. I mean, helping her out once or twice doesn't automatically mean we will help her out forever, does it?? Even my mom is starting to get annoyed with my sis in law's attitude & behaviour.
2007-10-21 01:09:57 · update #2
Your question makes it sound as though your husband lived with his sister for a time. If that's so, then your hubby's sister seems to feel that her generosity in letting your husband live with her still needs to be repaid.
You and hubby need to discuss that situation and come to an agreement as far as what is acceptable, and what isn't. You need to meet alone in a quiet place where you won't be interrupted and make this decision together.
Then you both need to have a discussion with sister and let her know what you've decided. Regardless of how sister feels, this decision has been agreed upon by the both of you as a united couple and you both must stand firm by it. A marriage is all about compromise, but that compromise is supposed to be between the two people who made the vows to each other, not to the branching members of the family tree, no matter how generous they were.
2007-10-20 23:06:45 · answer #1 · answered by jenjenta 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Usually to resolve situations like these you can either lay down the law telling everyone it's your way or the highway or you can learn to compromise. If you go with the former option be prepared just in case your husband and his sister aren't ready to cave in to your desires on this.
If you go with the latter option you may find that you have more luck and build a better relationship not only with your husband but with his sister and your nieces/nephews.
Whichever way you decide to go, make an appointment to sit down with your husband to talk about this issue at a time when you're both rested and not stressed. The day after she asks is NOT a good time to try this. And make the appointment so that he has some time to think about how he wants to handle the problem.
When you sit down have some idea what you want to have happen. Do you want him to stop helping his sister at all? Do you want him to cut back on the number of times he helps every month/year? Do you want him to leave you out of all plans to help? Do you want to start charging her for the time it takes to help? Know what you want to ask him for.
If you two can come to some sort of compromise everyone will probably be happier in the long run and keep those close family ties which really are a good thing.
2007-10-21 11:01:20 · answer #2 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sort of in the same boat. I am getting married and my hubby's brother is getting married two months later. I do not get along with the other girl. In fact, I can't really even talk to her. She is always causing drama and for some strange reason seems to be stealing wedding ideas. Then if I ask her about her wedding she gets defensive. It has take a long toll on the family and everyone seems to be fighting at one point or another. On top of that there is the 3rd brother who has a girlfriend that is jealous that she is not getting married. So she makes all sort of comments and they constantly pick on me. I have decied to smile, keep my mouth shut and nod. What else can I do, everytime something happens both girls point the finger at me. I have given up on dealing with them. When I see them I say hi, but I have no desire to make friends with them anymore. We do this everytime. So my only suggestion is, ignore her. If she knows she is getting to you, then she is winning her game. Good luck!
2016-05-23 23:43:51 · answer #3 · answered by marybeth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a grown married man. His loyalty is to his marriage. Tell her it is inconvenient. If they are old enough to look after themselves, then you could pop in to see them, or invite them round for a meal, but only if it is convenient to you. Your SIL is behaving like a selfish spoilt brat, and should grow up and make other arrangements, they are her children, her responsibility.
As for hurting husband's feelings, it sounds like he is being bullied, or has to be grateful for they fact she gave him a roof when he needed it. He has already paid her back by being an unpaid babysitter when he was living there. He needs to move on.
2007-10-20 23:31:35 · answer #4 · answered by Thia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no easy answer. Someones feelings will be hurt, but it shouldn't be yours. I would let my husband know that I'm going to talk to his sister and if push comes to shove, my husband would be babysitting by himself. I would let her know that problems are arising because of the babysitting situation and if she really cares, she would make other arrangements.
2007-10-21 00:42:09 · answer #5 · answered by Kasey 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell her those taking advantage days of you and your husband are over. If your husband's feelings get hurt, too bad, He should of been man enough to tell her himself.
2007-10-20 23:31:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell your sister in law it is not right to be bossy telling us to do. In fact tell that ***** she has an attitude problem. And immediately asked her to change or I will kick your butt.
2015-10-26 11:18:44 · answer #7 · answered by Wilson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has to more understanding. It sounds like he is at fault.
2007-10-20 22:23:28 · answer #8 · answered by Highland 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what ever problem she has w/ children, it's her problem, you're married, why don't you confront that woman. and yes it's good for a few hours.
2007-10-20 22:17:54 · answer #9 · answered by a francis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I couldn't do it, so I would just say no.
He could go if he wanted to.
See how long that would last.
2007-10-20 22:57:28 · answer #10 · answered by elliebear 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋