How long is to long before you get a job in a living together relationship?

Question

We have been living together for 3yrs and because one thing or another it has gone on and on and still no job I have total financial responsibility. I can't do it nomore he says his trying to look for work ----somtimes when I come home from work he still in bed. We have a good time together but does he really LOVE ME or is he MUCHING.Please I would like to hear from girls & guys (remember) I love him very much

Answer 1

Well, even though I think you are being taken advantage of, I can't say that he doesn't love you. If you are the breadwinner, does he take the rest of life's burdens off your shoulders or does he expect you to do it all? As far as how long is too long? Well, when you end things, then I would say he waited too long.

Answer 2

3 years is WAY too long to live without a job. The other person in the relationship (you) is picking up all the slack. I might compromise if when I come home the house/apartment is clean (read spotless), laundry is done, lunch/dinner is cooked, dishes are washed. But if I have to work 8-10 hours a day then come home and end up cleaning a mess I didn't do or had very little to do with I would be very unhappy.

If he is in bed when you get home it is possible to have some depression going on. Seeing a doctor might be a good idea or just researching online and comparing symptoms. Maybe you just need to sit down and tell him how you feel. Avoid putting blame on him, describe your feelings and ask for his help. That way you would avoid any conflict by making him feel guilty. If he get angry, yells and/or walks out he has no intention to find a job. If he promise a solution and he sticks with it then you have some hope.
Good luck!

Answer 3

OK. I have been in this situation before. The truth is if he loved you and cared for you, then he would step up and be a MAN and help take care of you!!!! He has it made in the shade right now with you supporting him, of course he is not going to go out and find a job. When he can stay home do whatever he wants and sleep half the day. He obviously doesn't care that you are slaving away to feed him and clothe him and keep a roof over his head. A relationship should be fifty-fifty, not 100%-0. And the sad thing is, even if you threaten him and make him get a job, he might keep it for a bit, but it probably won't last long. Try to love yourself and stop letting him use you like this. And if he is not willing to work and help you out, then its time to toughen up and move on. I had to and now I am with a man that loves me, works two jobs, and is going to try to buy a house for us, so we will have a place of our own when we get married.

Answer 4

Well hun he is mooching off of u. He won't show u respect unless u put ur foot down and say either get a job or get out. Even though u love him very much u have to show him tough love at the same time. He ain't tryin to hard if u find him in bed when u get home from work. He is pure lazy. Why should he work when ur making the money and not making him find a job if u can't afford it anymore and tired of having to pay for everything. It's a 2 way street not a one way street. Quit making it so easy for him. Put ur foot down and how him who's boss. U have to think of urself and ask can I really afford paying for 2 ppl or should I kick him out if he don't find a job. Sit down with him and have a serious talk and say either find a job by a certain date or ur gonna have to move out. Be firm and stick to it. I know u love him alot but is it worth going into debt with him.

Answer 5

Three years! He's a lazy mooch and he's simply using you because he knows you're "in love" with him. Get out of that user/abuser relationship ASAP or you'll have a string of abusive relationships for years to come. You obviously don't love the fact he's a lazy bum, so what do you really love about him? Good lovers are as easy to find as pizza shops, commedians are everywhere, and a general handyman will cost you a lot less in the long run. I'll bet every psychologist and relationship counselor will agree... get a replacement before you get stuck with your bad habits (if you aren't already).

Answer 6

That's mooching and yeah that's what he is doing. It couldn't possibly take anyone more than 3 years to find a job. You must like it though since you keep putting up with it and love him very much. You know we are going to tell you that you are stupid and should dump him. Why post such a question? You just like abuse dontcha! I bet when you say something to him he turns it around on you, makes you feel like the jerk and gets you to cry. Then he goes back to his video game just grinning on the inside. Does he break stuff yet? He will. Has he hit you yet? He will. You are a pair of emotional cripples. It is known as codependency. Surely you have heard the term before.

Answer 7

Whenever a person says that they are trying it means that they are not giving it 100%. There is all kinds of work out there. There are labor pools etc... if he had real respect for you he would be working by now. I had to sell plasma and work in labor pools until I had something solid. He loves the fact that you support him. If you want him to work give him a deadline. You can even help him look for a job. You will need to look and see to it that he makes the necessary calls and goes to the interviews. Do not accept any excuses. Even if he has to start out at entry level. Otherwise, he will be your problem to deal with. If you do not do anything then you are essentialy giving him permission to be a bum.

Answer 8

I ditto happy-2. If I had to %. - i might say a minimum of one 300 and sixty 5 days, yet particularly you are able to desire to be attentive to who they're and how they act and that takes time. How plenty time relies upon on many stuff. i think you're being clever and logical, making particular you have an excellent initiating and that i would be unable to think of interior the quantity of time you're speaking approximately which you will no longer be attentive to him and if that's astonishing to get married.

Answer 9

He is mooching on you!!! As long as you let him, he will continue to do it. Put your foot down, and tell him either you get a job of some sort within the next month or find another place to live. If he respected you, he would not put you in that situation.

Answer 10

since you do love him, help him find a job and if you have and he didnt take the job then he is muching off of you