I'm fourteen and I never found it important to be one of those kids who dates all the time and doesn't even like the person. But, at the same time, right now since I haven't dated anyone, I'm completely and totally afraid of it. Everything. Like having nothing to talk about, rejection, close contact, not having a crush on them anymore, having to break up with them or vice versa, and talking to them alone. I have no idea how to do anything, and you all might say, "Just be yourself!" But how can I be myself when I'm so afraid I turn down everyone who asks me out?
HELP!
2007-10-20 17:28:06 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Haha! Perhaps I forgot to add this in there, but I'm not entirely stupid. I won't date a guy because my friends are, and I won't date a guy if I don't like him. Plus, I'm planning on keeping my purity. Thanks for your concern, though. xD
2007-10-20 17:38:34 · update #1
Believe it or not, that is not very uncommon. Everyone fears the unknown, and to you, dating is unknown territory. The best advice anyone could give you is to relax and stop overthinking things; there will be times when relationships will get painful and crazy, but there will also be times when the are blissful. As you grow older you'll realize that things change, people change, and that is what life is about. Whether you are with someone for three weeks or five years, as long as you make each other happy you should be together. Changes in life should not be feared, but refusing to grow with time is. You have the right mindset, wait for someone you actually like, and now, just relax, stop thinking about it, and let nature take its course.
2007-10-20 17:34:53 · answer #1 · answered by The Seeker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, because there is so much pressure to be social at such a young age. If the very idea is causing you so much upset, then don't do anything. You aren't ready and you are smart enough to know that. Give yourself a break and stop obsessing. You are over-thinking this and getting mired in self consciousness. A non-threatening strategy might be to try to go somewhere with a group of people, so that no one is actually on a date. That can be a lot of fun. Join a club. It doesn't have to be at school. It sounds corny, but doing something you enjoy doing is a great way to meet someone with the same interest, and then you have something to talk about. When you meet somebody and it's right, the conversation is just going to flow and it's going to be so relaxed and easy. If it doesn't happen until you're twenty, big deal. You are still young.
2007-10-20 17:44:04 · answer #2 · answered by lighght30 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same situation-same age. Except I'm a guy. Just wait until you actually find someone that you like and they like you, so it may last for more than a month. But don't be afraid, even though it is intimidating I know, whats the worst thing that could happen, that you just become friends? I know, I know, everyone seems to be doing it, same here, but you don't have to yet get involved in a relationship that might last more than a week. I still encourage you to try. Hope this works out for you. Best of luck.
2007-10-20 17:47:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what, the best thing to do is just be yourself. I mean when i was 13 I had the same problems I was so scared of dating i didn't want anyone to turn me down or running out of something to talk about and after the first date omg do i kiss him or not. and yes I'm saying just be yourself lol.
What you need to stop worrying so much, next time someone asks you out if you like him say yes! my first date i was all nervous and it was all silent and weird until we go to where we were going and then we just starting talking about anything if your at a movie you can't really talk but say you go to a school game or a dinner bring up anything you would talk about to any of your other friends and let it flow, talk about music, what you like to do etc...and if theres that uncomfortable "kiss or not" situation when your about to leave then just give him a hug.
You don't HAVE to date thats perfectly fine but if you want to then go right ahead getting into a relationship is alot easier then it might look...good luck!! ^_^
2007-10-20 17:43:31 · answer #4 · answered by Nifty_250 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I can't believe that you are so worried about this at 14. Things have really changed. If you were my daughter you would not have to worry about this for another couple of years at least.
Whenever a guy ask you out say yes if you like him at all. When the two of you are talking tell him that you would like to ''hang out'' rather than date. Tell him that you would like to work on the friendship aspect of the relationship before considering any other kind of relationship. Once the word gets around you may find that you actually get ask out more. Guys are nervous about this kind of thing too you know. Be a trend setter and an individual. Don't tie yourself down. Get out there and live.
2007-10-20 17:35:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is right for you to feel like you only want to date the people you are interested in. That is responsible if you can pass over someone right away. It doesn't hurt you and it doesn't hurt the other person.
You are touching upon all of the secrets of the human heart. Your feeling emotions and you don't know what to do with them yet. It is best to give yourself more time to develop some solid relationships with you friends and get rid of the fear; strike it from your heart. Fear is a sickness and it will control you if you let it. You actually have to say to yourself, "im going to let this fear go and I am not going to be afraid no more, this is my life and not for anything else to toss it about."
2007-10-20 17:43:42 · answer #6 · answered by Jeff W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are commitment phobic. You tend to look at the bad side of love, instead of focussing on what goodness it has to offer. I know coz am that and my Nappy Buddy was like, I need to forget everything bad and try to cross the current bridge. Everything happens for a reason and the greater the risk, the more the gain, so step up and go for the blind date. What is the worse that can happen other than your date not wanting another date.
2016-05-23 23:21:29 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never be afraid to date, if you never try, how will you know what will happen? But don't rush! You're only 14, there's plenty of time to find your perfect mate. Although, you should never be scared of dating. If you're afraid of rejection, just think about it, everybody has been rejected.
And never copy the people that date the people they don't like, they're just busy wasting their time. :D
2007-10-20 17:37:34 · answer #8 · answered by Kathleen J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 17 still haven't dated and i guess i feel the same way as you......
but like other people have said.... don't worry because though i feel kind of pathetic about not having dated..... i also feel as if it would be nicer to date someone who also hasn't dated
2007-10-20 17:45:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
same prob wit me, but you shud wait though cuz you a lil young and you want to stay pure cuz when you get older its REALLY gonna count. and if your really pure and havent had a bf, a REALLY good guy is gonna find you and it will be perfect and you wont have to think about other guys...
and btw i wish i hadnt dont anything cuz i was just like you and then i liked this guy and he liked me and now its like over [tht was a year ago] and i think about him sometimes much and he still hurts me sometimes and i wish i just never went with him in the first place.
but i kno its really hard if all your friends are doing it. but stay strong and do wut YOU think is best for you
2007-10-20 17:33:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋