My kids are destructive how to solve a problem?

Question

My 3 year old and 2 year old share a room because there simply isn't room for them to have their own room. This causes a lot of late night playing and it's quite a struggle getting them to sleep at night. My biggest problem has been their room. I used to have a toy box in it until they pushed it up to the opposite wall and used it to climb on top of the shelf I have mounted high so that they couldn't reach it. Then they get under their beds and have kicked and broken several of the boards in the box spring. I have no where to keep their toys b/c I had to remove the toy box after the climbing adventure and the low shelf with all of their books and stuffed animals (which was wicker) they toppled over and stomped until it broke. I know if I put in something heavier they'll really hurt themselves so thats out of the question, I just don't know what to do with their things!!! The closet isn't even available b/c that's where I had to push their bureau to keep them from climbing it!

I have tried disipline. Spankings don't seem to be getting through and I hate doing it. My husband has tried the yelling tactic, we've tried talking to them and explaining that its not nice and even taken some of their favorite toys from them. NOTHING disiplinary we've tried has helped.

They even say, "Sorry mama" and promise they won't do it again. 5 miniutes later one of them is climbing the blinds like a latter!

Yes we do make them pick up their own messes.

We DO disipline our children especially when they any of the above. But I won't continue to spank my children when it so obviously is not getting through. That crosses the line into abuse as far as I'm concerned. If you don't have a better answer then please don't answer.

Answer 1

Why does it sound like everyone is criticizing you? You have two very young children and usually if one mis behaves, the other soon to follow!!! That's just the way it is. They are in "terrible 2's " phase and it's hard, 1 maybe 3 but he's "hanging out" w/ a 2 yr. old. Sounds crazy try putting hook and eye locks on your closet doors and put one to bed before the other or start one off in the kids room, the other seperate time w/ dad in your room, then transfer. For under the bed... easy buy under the bed storage tupperware/ bins to keep the toys in!
good luck! I bet you can't wait for kindergarten!!!

Answer 2

On an episode of super nanny the family had a 3 year old that did the same sort of things that you are describing. Super nanny had the room completely emptied (closet too) and the family stored all the stuff in a garage...you could also use a shed I guess, but anyway the only thing the child was allowed to have in his room was of course the mattress on the floor to sleep on and 1 toy. The reward for not being destructive was that each day he got to choose one more toy that he would like to have put back into his bedroom. Each time he was destructive or disobediant a toy was removed and he had to choose which toy had to go. If he didn't pick a toy then it was up to the parent to make the choice. Super nanny also employed the naughty chair technique and each time the child was disobediant or destructive they also sat in the naughty chair for 1 minute x' whatever the age (example: a 3 year old would sit in the naughty chair for 3 minutes). Then after they sat in the naughty chair the parent that put them there has to make sure to properly explain why the behavior was unacceptable and make the child say he or she is sorry. You see...making a child say they are sorry without a procedure to help them remember what they did wrong does not help correct the behavior. If a child jumps on the bed or says bad words then you as the parent need to address the issue calmly yet in a productive manner. Like you I don't believe in spanking. It is too widely used these days and for most kids it doesn't even phase them. All spanking does is teach a child that hitting others when they are angry at them is ok. Try watching the Super Nanny her name is Jo Frost if you want to google her name. I am sure she has a website. There are lots of neat tricks to the trade of parenting. Good luck.

Answer 3

Hi there! My idea would be this- remove all that you actually can from the room. Leave only what is nessacary. Buy a storage container (nice heavy duty one that has a pad lock system) that is low to the ground yet can hold all there toys. Have the boys put there things away at night before they go to bed and lock it up. Explain why you have to do this. Also, as for climbing on furniture try this little
trick. Tape, nail or otherwise attach a small bell to funiture peices in the room that are still intact that they have been playing with at night. Explain that you can hear the bell when the funiture is being messed around with or how ever you would like to explain this. So they start messing around after bedtime- you hear the bell - it means trouble. If they can grasp the idea, even just the 3 year old (Just read that they are 3 and 2) then it will work as an incentive not to play around. This is a tough task to deal with and I do understand your concerns. I hope these can help you or at least give you some ideas on what to do. Good luck!

Answer 4

I have boys 14 months apart and have gone through all this myself. First of all dont feel like ur doing or not doing anything wrong. They are little and honestly dont understand the meaning of a promise and are being the same way every other child their age is. The thing I hate the most is hearing "my child would never do that". It is NORMAL. Try getting a toy catalog and letting each one pick something they want. Then make a sticker chart with the pic of what they want above it. First start with something less inexpensive that they can earn after 10 stickers. When they have earned that let them get something a bit bigger but make them go longer 20 - 30 stickers. Never take one away they have earned but set increaments. I usually did one in the morning from how they acted at bedtime and one b4 bed for how the acted during they day. My boys are now 7 and 6 and are threw that stage. Good Luck

Answer 5

Repeat after me.
"You have the power over your children if you try."

If they break something, take something of their's away and put it somewhere they can't get to (i.e. the top and back of a high counter, top shelf of closet, etc.). Occasionally if they are extremely unruly take away something huge like television or, though I'm not a believer, pop them on the butt or even spank. So take away a toy of their's and put in somewhere. Every Saturday you auction off the items for promises like these: "I will never break the shelf" "I won't kick my brother," etc. Make sure that they know there are consequences to not keeping promises. Take away the toy and ANOTHER thing of theirs if they don't keep the promise. Discipline your children. Also to keep them in bed say that if they get out of bed to play the Night Fairy will come and take a toy. Continue and ignore their whines and screams for the toy. You have the power.

Answer 6

You need to get some control over your kids before they are big enough to cause MAJOR damage to the house and themselves. Get a baby monitor and place it in their room. Carry the receiver with you around the house. When you hear them getting out of bed you need to open the door really fast and raise your voice and sternly tell them "GET BACK IN BED NOW!" If they are not use to you raising your voice it will have more impact. Make them pick up their toys every time they make a mess. Don't pick them up for them or they will never learn. Take their favorite toys away (Not ones for comfort, though) Put them where they can see them, but not where they can reach them, like on the top of a cupboard. Tell them when they behave and listen they can have them back.
I just wanted to add that many kids that have behavioral problems benefit from a change in diet. Cutting out gluten and dairy can have a HUGE impact.

Answer 7

We have 3 kids aged 13 to 2, and sorry, but none of my kids have ever acted in this manner because they have all been disciplined firmly and have had to face the music when something goes wrong. Whatever discipline you think you may have used, was probably not used consistently and obviously not very effective.

Here are some tips that might help you regain control of your tots. Remember, if you don't do something NOW, it will be too late very soon. These kids already know right now that you are not the boss, they are, and it's time to stop that.

As far as the sleeping issue goes, stagger their bedtimes by 20 minutes or so, with the younger one going to bed first, as he will fall asleep faster. When the older one goes to bed, there won't be a sibling awake to egg him on and giggle with.

Don't let them have such long spans of time playing in their room together without checking on them to see what they are up to. If you have to check on them every 5 minutes, (which isn't abnormal for kids this age anyway) so be it. You will know what's going on, and they will know that you are keeping tabs on them.

When you catch them in the act of doing something wrong, discipline them right then and there. This sounds kind of crass, but at this age kids need that just like dogs do. It does no good to try and discipline them 3 or 4 hours after something has happened.

A spanking does not hurt a child permanently. If you think spankings don't work, I think that you are not doing it hard enough, or maybe they don't feel much because a diaper is in the way. Another option is a hand smack. After you do that though, it is really important that you make eye contact and let them know what you disapprove of them doing.

Last, but not least, you cannot let the child think that they have won. You have done this by simply removing items from their room when they misuse them. There is no reason to rearrange furniture because they are climbing on it. Simply put, furniture is everywhere, and they have to learn not to climb all over it at their own home or someone else's.

Most important of all, your husband and you have to agree to a parenting style and back each other up on it at all times. If at any time there is a disagreement about the punishment or discipline, make sure to speak about it later and not in front of the kids. The kids have to know that you two are united all the way.

Answer 8

The problem sounds like one of two things or both. First off is discipline and rules. The second which could effect the first is that you are not tiring them out enough during the day so that they are asleep as soon as their head hits the pillow. I used to walk my kids all day in the stroller and take them to the zoo, the playground, the aquarium and just anywhere outside as much as I could. This made them very very tired. I have twins, so I understand that they have a need to talk to eachother after lights out, but they were exhausted....except on a rare occasion when they napped too long. That could be another reason as well , may be your childrens naps are too long.

Answer 9

Try a different approach to disciplining them instead of yelling, spanking, and having a conversation with them. Look up Pavlov. His theories of positive and negative reinforcements should work. Next time they do something, seperate them and do something that would really get them to think and remember. Something routine, like...I don't know what you guys do....no dessert after dinner or something like that. Tell them that that's what's going to happen if they don't stop and follow up on it if they keep up the noise.

Answer 10

Sounds like you have your hand full. Instead of giving them more things to climb on take the resorces away. Put only the things they need in the room and take out the things they climb on. Make the climbing adventure seem boring to them instead of "What will mom give us to climb on next..."
Good luck..