Christians: What are some of the ways to honor Parents as in Ephesians 6:2 ?

Answer 1

Very different answers, above, yet probably none of my brothers and sisters in the Lord may have got this one right:

First of all I grew up in a country where even though the majority of the population are not Christians, nor know about Jesus [and the handful of us who do know either are not motivated (read Spirit filled) enough to share the Gospel or scared (lukewarm) of the persecution to follow, if we did] yet, the family is still very strong and the institution of marriage is honoured.

Let me describe the lower (misnomer) and mid level middle classes, which are probably the strongest in the world (without being Christians): we have parents doing everything they can for their children; their lives are completely intertwined - if a child is sick parents can’t even eat their meals or watch TV, let alone think about going out for an evening stroll. If a baby cries, parents would leave all aside to check, even if it is after midnight and tenth time since evening. Or if there is another mouth to feed, their father would work an extra hour just to keep his flock well fed; likewise their mother would not sit down to eat her meal till she would have her whole family well fed, in fact if there is less, she would remain hungry. Can you all believe this: parents doing all this and even more for their kids? They laugh with them when they are happy, and are in greater pain when their children are even slightly hurt. Why, many of them would even happily sacrifice their lives for their children (that’s why they do not understand where it is written in the OT when the Jews as a nation were besieged by various armies, God had through the prophets told them that even the most gentle mother would eat her own infant when she had been without food, and not share any with her husband … how very different).

Contrast this with what has now (or the past century) become common in the west: morality is at an all time low, experimentation before marriage is common, which rather than leading to more stable marriages results in the contrary. In a batch of 30 high school students in the states, it will be very common to find 20 of them with foster or at least one step parent or a single parent, and in some cases almost all would have gone through some breakup or issue within their family. It would be very unusual to have a class where all students had their parents married and their family intact. Where I come from, this is the case: while growing up, I have never met anyone who came from a family where the parents were divorced (a widow or two, but never divorced or legally separated) and in some schools I have studied with a 125 students in a class (boys and girls – early 90’s). And though I studied in mostly private Christian schools, there were some occasions when I had to be in a Government school as the place where my father was posted as an army officer did not have any alternative.

So why do married men and women (even Christians) in the states separate at the drop of a pin, or just fall out of love? When my parents and those of their generation first watched the movie Kramer vs. Kramer they could not understand how a mother could leave her young son and walk out. Years later, when I watched it could grasp some of the issues which the movie expressed, yet it still portrays a very hollow and self centered culture: which I believe is not entirely true, since I have descended from it and although my family has branched from our European roots by more than a century, we have still retained the traditions and values of an unforgotten era. While I stayed in the UK on an overseas assignment, my landlord a Methodist Church minister and his wife explained to me that in the last few decades or so it has become quite common to withhold one’s emotions, so much that families pay a lot for that kind of training for their children (specially for those of the nobility). Now that surprises me exceedingly, for if a person’s child or spouse dies (forgive me for using such an example), how can you train them not to cry and express their grief? It is a loss that would remain forever and the outpouring of sorrow is an expression we are born with, and yet, people do control all that. Moreover, in the states I have heard that doctors actually guide parents not to bother too much when their babies cry out at night. They are beguiled into believing that they should think about their own comfort and/or peaceful sleep, rather than worry about a baby who would eventually cry and go back to sleep. I don’t know how much of this is true, but trust me it will give parents a heart attack if someone suggested anything similar on these lines back home!

There are probably a lot of other factors that go into a family. The most important one, at least for me and my family (for many generations) is of having Jesus in our lives - who makes all things whole. That’s what binds us together, and that’s the true love which flows, from parents to children; and from children to their parents. So while our parents still (physically) discipline and punish us (and we surely deserve it) though at that time we do not understand it, it’s only when we grow up we realize what a great blessing they have been to us.

In my home (and close relatives and friends that I know of), when we got a well earned spanking, our parents (at least mothers) could not eat their meals afterwards. We would cry a bit and then laugh it off, and it was they that felt a lot worse about it and went out of their way to make up for it. When I questioned my parents why did we need to be punished when all the learned folks in the west were writing books against this (I was smart you see :-) my mother gently explained that it is because they loved me, and they cared.

I did not understand their love, patience or sacrifices till years later (even though I have had been on fire for Jesus all my life) and it was only after my teens that I started to appreciate them and have gratitude and reverence (to God and then to them) for making me the man I am now. And I hope to be a son to them better than a thousand sons and daughters, for all the days the Lord gives us together, by His grace.

Now how does this compare with the scriptures in general or with Ephesians in particular? In Biblical times, families were probably more like we currently have in the east. Children are taught basic manners and to respect those older than they are. Discipline is not dead (yet) and many good schools inculcate a lot more value than just manners (primarily for the middle classes). Moreover, when their children have to go to college, their parents (dad’s most of the time) pay for it all. Without asking for a penny in return… ever! It cost’s a kings ransom for any good college so their parents would have to struggle their entire life to pay for it. Then comes marriage, and the parents (even now) select their spouse they should marry, in most cases pay for the wedding and related expenditure (it’s a big show since it is once in a lifetime :-) and then comes the hardest part for me to explain to my so called more liberated brethren: the girl leaves her home and comes to live with her husband for all her life, and his home becomes her home, his family is now her family and his name becomes her name. Her parents are always there but then it is the boy’s home and parents that are hers, a new home and a new life usually with strangers, including her husband, whom she may have never even seen till the day she got married! Things are changing and love marriages are more common in larger cities and yet, even in them, boys and girls in spite of all the influences still prefer to go with this archaic tradition. Why? Because marriages and families work! They may have not known each other before their wedding, but have a lifetime to discover each other within marriage. And in many cases it produces such a strong bond of love that even I am surprised, being of the opinion that everyone should be free to choose their respective spouses (without all the sexual experimentation that goes on nowadays).

Under the direction and protective care of their parents (usually the oldest male is head of the family, followed by oldest surviving female and so on) the marriage takes root; external influences are immediately curtailed by the much wiser patron(s) of the family, and when children are born to them, parents have the experiences of the child’s grandparents to draw upon. In fact, such a family structure is so strong, that even in a lawless society it has at least two males to defend a home, and where two or more brothers are having their home with their parents (it’s called an undivided family or joint family) their common earnings not only helps offset the effects of income tax but also results in a stronger financial makeup for the entire family. In the cases it still works, it is something to be within to experience the richness of ones parents, grandparents, uncle and aunt, and of course cousins (unfortunately, I never this blessing other than at Christmas when all my fathers brothers and my mothers brothers and sisters and their families tried to get together – we used to be 8 cousins, 2 per family). However, I have noticed that if such joint families go through difficult and/or oppressive times, they grow stronger, whereas a time of plenty may weaken and ultimately break the family, with brothers separating with their respective family and possessions (very similar to Abraham and Lot). Another small addition, but this is another reason why the west cannon contend with families that are immigrating in from the east. The family structure is so strong (even though it does break down after a few generations of stay in the west), that they financially become superior, much to the chagrin of the unfortunate residents who happen to be the neighbours of such a family.

Thus, while the grandparents or great-grandparents are still alive, they not only get the love and respect they deserve of their children, grandchildren, great grandchildren (as God commanded: honour thy father and thy mother) but also remain in control (to an extent) of their homes and their families. It becomes difficult for any married couple to go astray and break up. It helps the children, particularly if both parents are working (say in a family business) that at least the grand parents are around -- and we all know what happens when children have nobody around, especially during their teenage years to mentor them. They get into all sorts of bad influence, drugs, drinks, smoking, physical relationships etc. (not always but very likely) and end up making a mess of everything. So where you struggle with just listening to or obeying your parents, it is in fact going a long way in being a family, where they remain parents, till the day they pass on.

There is one more question which all those who read the above may ask: what when men and women get married? Well they go (or are sent by their parents :-) to a long and enjoyable honeymoon since both (ahem!) are new to all of this. In fact, one of the games that a young bride and groom (this is a non Christian practice) are made to play by their family and close friends involves a pot in which coloured water is poured and some gold coins, jewelry pieces are added with grains, lentils etc. that the bride and groom have to compete in finding with their hands immersed in the water. They can’t see the coins or jewels in the pot due to the colour, and the grains etc add to the confusion. So a boy and girl who may be shy of each other (and perfect strangers) first encounter the touch of hand of their spouse (and probably the first one of an opposite sex who is not a relative) in such a simple and silly game, yet it breaks the ice with better things to follow.

In addition, there is no disgrace for someone to keep their parents in their home or in other words for children to live with their parents even when they have their own families. It is rather a greater challenge, as well as a blessing if we only choose to have it!

Consequently parents, who may have become grandparents or great-grandparents (sometimes even higher), find their lives contentment and reward with the happiness of their children, grandchildren, etc and NOT in an old peoples’ home or away by themselves. It is rumoured that as we grow older we become more like little children. Perhaps that’s why little children prefer the company of their grandparents. And do those (blessed) grandparents enjoy the company of their grandkids?

That my friends is the true blessing, of families staying united and as one. It will end all the misery, the broken homes, torn lives (specially of children), the various abuses and all the depression that does not have any satisfaction in drugs or alcohol or sleeping around...

And then we will realize the true blessing of the first commandment with a blessing: Honour thy father and thy mother.

Peace,
Andrew

[P.S. I am in no way demeaning a particular culture, nor am trying to judge anyone. Yet, a spade is called a spade, and unless we look inwards as to what has gone wrong, we’ll never fix the problem. And boy, are there problems to be fixed? It’s one huge mess, unless we (at least those who call themselves Christians) do something about it, and soon.]

Answer 2

Ideally yes, but because of sin we should not honor them when they break man's law, child molesting or robbery etc, or God's laws regarding the family. If they try to make you break either man or God's law then no, but that doesn't mean you rebel against them. We are supposed to show even our parents Christ love for them, and being rude or disobedient when there is no reason to be is wrong. Another time when honoring your parents doesn't come into effect is when you are married, because you are your spouse are one flesh, a new person so to speak, and your spouse's needs take priority over your parent's. Basically the idea is if you show them love and respect even though they are bad, then they will question how they are acting and eventually turn their ways. Breaking man's law seriously though might require other adult action. Hope that was what you were looking for.

Answer 3

1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."[a] 4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
to treat your parents with Honor is to show them respect.

Answer 4

That is exactly what I say about the Bible, it can not be taken as a manual of law. Because for some parents, if you have to honor them, then you have to be a criminal.

But the Bible is full of wisdom, as it indicates that time changes,
it is said that there would come a time when your enemies would be those in own house. This does not apply for everybody, but for those that it applies, it holds true.

So we must learn to discern what message is good, and to what or who it applies.

Answer 5

The most important way to honor parents is to follow the teachings of Christ. If a person attempts to do what Christ teaches that person treats others better than himself. That person is truthful, trustworthy, and hard-working. That person is honorable in all his actions, therefore his parents are honored as the ones who taught him to follow the Lord.

Answer 6

Honor thy father and thy mother, does not stop just because we grow up.

I believe that even as adults and parents ourselves, we should still love and respect our parents.

If my mother was still alive, even thou my childhood was not so great, I would still be taking care of her, because she was not well. I would not have placed her in a nursing home.

If not with me, she had other children. Please don't think I am judging others who may choose a nursing home, I am not passing judgment. I am just stating my own personal convictions and beliefs.

Edit
My mother did not teach me of GOD, she was a black magic witch. I am a Christian. She did not raise me up in the way that I should go.

She married a man who was a Christian man who went to a Lutheran church called Prince of Peace in Oregon Ohio.

I was suicidal and attempted it twice in one day, my step-father, found me and called the Pastor, who led me to the LORD. He also told me that I still needed to honor her as my mother, but I should not do evil against GOD.

I trust in GOD'S word and HE has led me to understanding.

Answer 7

We should follow their teachings, especially when they are right, but honor God when they are wrong. We should be thankful to them and for them, and take care of them when they need it. My father was one of those people who aggravated the heck out of me. He meant well, but he had no idea how to be a father. It caused me much grief and heartache. Even as an adult, I had to deal with this behavior. I finally told him that it wasn't good for my health, and I won't talk to him if he treated me that way. And I didn't. But after about a year, we had a family event, and we invited him, and he was a perfect gentleman, and we were fine after that. Ultimately, I understood that the reason God gave me my father is because it was the only way I could learn compassion. And that is a lesson I value highly. I honor God for choosing the right father for me. My father and I were in perfect reconciliation when he died, for which I am thankful. I think recognizing that God chooses our parents, and that to honor our parents is to honor God is one of the important lessons we need to learn. God doesn't expect us to follow our parents' ungodly teachings, and to honor our parents doesn't mean to follow those. It means to respect them and show them love, tell them quietly why you cannot obey an ungodly teaching, but make sure the best that lies in us is to keep the godly teachings. Even when you are an adult, you can learn from your parents, and if you are a parent, give your children you best teaching and love, and don't be afraid to offer them guidance when they are adults. They may not agree with you, and you have to let them disagree at that point. But don't keep silent just because they are adults. Say what you have to say lovingly and in recognition that it is their choice, and pray for them. We should also pray for our parents. Our parents are God's representatives in our life, and we should treat them as such. God chooses our parents even if they are not saved, and if we treat them with respect and quiet conversation, He may use us to bring them to Christ. I know this, because it happened to me with my mother-in-law. I couldn't even discuss the Christian faith with her, so I just lived my life for her to observe, and in the end, she accepted Christ. The entire family rejoiced, and we are looking forward to being reunited with her in heaven.

Answer 8

Just love and honor them! Enjoy the time also. Someday.....there will be no more time with them. I know. Both mine are gone and I'd love to be able to honor them daily.

Answer 9

To me what Paul was doing was echoing Almighty God and Jesus Christ's words. Honoring your parents, does not mean that you (as an adult living on your own) has to agree with or bow to their suggestions or decrees, but that you HONOR their God-bestowed title of "parent" and their unique and undeniable position in your life...if not for parents, none of us would exist. As a minor child you may not always like or understand their rules, restrictions, and regulations but you are bound by God and man to obey them, as long as they are moral, right, and honorable parents. As an adult, it is your responsibility to phone, visit, or write to them...keep in touch. It is your responsibility to aid them and care for them and/or make arrangements for their care should they become unable to care for themselves. Some may have no respect or care for absentee or abusive parents, and Almighty God understands this. He only expects you to honor & respect their title, if not their personage. Almighty God also wants no one bound by the chains of childhood sadness, abuse, negligence, or desertion, so that is why He wants us to forgive our parents their small and great failures, NOT to free THEM from guilt or pain, but to insure that WE are freed the bondage their neglect, abuse, or dismissal had upon our growing up years, as well how we live as adults.

Almighty God wants to bless us with His blessings and a long life and one way to insure it is to "honor" our parents.

Answer 10

anthropologists will tell you the reason for this commandmant was a humanitarian one. the jews were a nomadic people and when people became old or sick or lame ( say altzheimers) they were left by the wayside to die. thisisn't a jewish custom but common among most nomads. this commandment was given to make the people take care of their elderly.

Answer 11

To honor someone is to do what they ask and to hold them in high regard.
My mother is a black belt Atheist and I manage to honor her. It's not that hard.

GOD bless you †