How to tell my parents that I don't believe in Catholocism?

Question

I'm 16 and I have been raised in the Catholic faith, baptized and all. I was confirmed in seventh grade, but at that age believed in God becuase my parents told me to.

At this point, I don't feel very Catholic. There are too many contradictions in the faith that keep me from believing. The problem is, my parents don't accept it.

I do not want to have to go to church anymore, and I am currently trying to figure out exactly what I believe in, but my parents refuse to accept the fact that I don't want any part in their faith. When I am at church, I feel like I'm lying to myself and the rest of the congregation. I am happy for them that they believe, and I respect their beliefs, but it's not something I believe. How can I talk to my parents and make them understand that I don't want to be forced to swallow their beliefs and that I want to decide for myself what I believe?

My 4 years of depression and a suicide attempt make this all a lot harder as well.

Ok, wow. Here's the thing about the depression and whatnot, yes I have gotten help and am being treated for it.

The reson I mentioned it is becuase I think my parents worry that I'm going to try to kill myself again or something if I give up the faith. I am being treated, that's not the problem, really.

Ah and also,

I do not take Communion anymore,

and I have absolutely no intention of getting pregnant now or in the near future, I don't even know where that answer came from.

Answer 1

I wrestled with this for a long time too. Your parents will have a very hard time accepting this because they believe so strongly. They want you to be saved and believe Catholisism is the only true faith. I was not pushed as hard by my mom, but I know she wanted faith for me. I would say while you are with them that it is ok to go and still look into your beliefs. It is tough not to go if they want you to go because you are still 16 and thay can say you have to go, which may be more counterproductive to your faith.
You should sit with your parents and calmly tell them your feelings, but this may still not get the results you desire. This however is not worth a rif with your parents if they insist you go. If you have to go maybe use that hour every Sunday morning to reflect on your beliefs and where you want to go with your life. Do Searches on the internet to see where your beliefs will take you.
Think of it this way, it is only 100 more Sundays until you are 18 and might not have to go. Also once you leave you may desire that structure and familiarity.
I loved many parts of the Catholic church; the Saints, the service, the routine, but I had trouble with Purgatory, the infalibility of the Pope, and the tainted history of the Catholic Church. My search lead me through Agnosticism, Nihlism, Athiesm, and eventually to the Eastern Orthodox church (which has the saints and the service, but not the Pope)

Good Luck

Answer 2

Ok. This is a tough thing for anyone to go through even more so for a catholic. You made the best points of your argument in your question. Unless your parents are going to force you to go (which will only make things worse) simply set them down and explain to them that you question your faith and do not want to go to mass anymore. If you think that your parents are going to have a problem with this I would suggest that you find a person in the church(a youth pastor for example) who you believe you can get on you side to help you explain how you feel to your parents. Religious beliefs should never be pushed on anyone young or old. You are at a time in your life that things are changing for you. You are now old enough to make and hold your own opinions and beliefs and be intelligent enough to back them up. I would suggest that you use your computer to do some research on different region's. As one who has rejected all religions I would suggest that you look into Buddhism. buddahnet.net is a excellent site to get a very good idea of what it is about. And my favorite thing about Buddhism is it is not actually a religion but something way more tangible and easier to understand and believe in. I hope that you are able to get through this. And please if you have not done so already seek professional help for your depression. I've been in your shoes and am here to tell you it can get better.

Answer 3

With the exception of the suicide attempt, you sound very much like me at your age. I'm now 45 and a happy agnostic Unitarian Universalist, but was raised Catholic, confirmed in sixth grade, the whole bit.

Unfortunately, there aren't any easy answers to your question. I went along with my parents' wishes and didn't confront them about our differences until I was 18 and in college and living away, so I didn't have to deal with the conflict on a daily basis. Even then, it was difficult, because they still tried to insist that I not leave the church, but at least not living in their house I could leave when I liked and not listen to it unless I chose to.

If you can't wait till you're 18, then I'd suggest you say exactly what you say here to your parents, that you respect their beliefs but you need to do some searching.

Sorry, but this isn't an easy situation.

Answer 4

I know exactly what you're going through because i went through it also. Catholic gradeschool and highschool. Depression and all that other stuff. Listen all you have to do is tell them that you are old enough to make your own decisions and that you need time to figure out what you believe. If they try to bring up confirmation then explain to them that at that point in time you should not have had that happen because it is too young of an age to make such a decision. Respectfully choose not to go to church. If they punish you then you have two choices. Take the punishment and don't complain or refuse to accept the punishment and do as you wish. One important thing to mention is that it really was unfair of them to push the religion down your throat. You have to show them that you are capable of making your own choices. If they use fear tactics and such don't give in. You have certain Unalienable Rights and among them are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. You have the freedom to believe what you want and no one can take these freedoms away from you.

Answer 5

i am wiccan. I've never told my parents but i still help with church if i am needed. Its just a nice thing to do. I am a wise man in this years Nativity scene. Why? out of respect for what my parents belief. I am 22 and you are 20 its time to make your own choices about attending church. I"m sure you can find many reasons not to attend that wouldn't offend your parents. telling your parents may only bring fear into there life which would make them work even harder to convince you that your wrong. If you believe strongly enough in your faith let nothing bring you down and fear not the consequences of your actions.

Answer 6

You've got a strong grip on this, and you don't come across as a wishy-washy teen ready to run off and get knocked up. You sound like a young lady trying to find her way in this world.
Humor me for a moment and consider this:
I can't for the life of me imagine how hard it would be to try to raise a daughter who will tell others that she went through 4 years of depression and a suicide attempt. There would be guilt: did I do something terrible to make my child spend all of her teen years in misery? was it something I didn't do? God, how painful to watch your own flesh and blood, the child that you gave birth to want to kill herself. And maybe the only support, the only thing that kept me sane through something that awful would be my church and my God.
I can easily see why they would be so devoted and want you to be as well. Be tender with their hearts, they're only parents who naturally come with flaws.
My dear, whatever you decide....long after everything is said and done you will see one day when you are older it is not them against you, or the Church against you. You are just finding your place in this world. It's an age-old story, old as time. I truly wish you and your family love and harmony.

Answer 7

Your best bet is to have an honest conversation with them....but if you feel that is not an option, you may just have to wait 2 years until you are old enough to make that decision without having to deal with the fallout. I am Wiccan and was raised Baptist. I understand you completely! Go through the motions, but believe what you will in your own heart....no one can take that away from you.

Answer 8

You're old enough to know your own beliefs. This isn't going to be an easy thing for your parents to accept, but it sounds like you're deeply unhappy with having to pretend to believe in Catholicism and a faith should be about how you want to live your life and not how others expect you to lead your life.

Try to keep things calm and civilised if you possibly can. Make it clear to your parents that you respect their right to their own beliefs and ask that they grant you the common courtesy of respect in return. Not knowing where you come from, I don't know what age is considered adult, but if it's eighteen, you may have to continue going to church if your parents force you to. When you come of age, you can simply say no. At the same time, even if you're forced to go to church, no-one can force you to believe. That's a choice you can always make on your own.

Answer 9

Sorry but for a little longer you have to live with their wishes. Once your 18 your an adult and can do as you like. I respect the fact that you accept them for who you are, but sad that they can't trust you as a person.

My folks told me to study from when I was 10, when I was 18 they told me to believe what I will and be of any faith as long as I don't disrespect anyone Else's beliefs.

I wish you luck and peace, I hope that in time your parents understand and respect you.

Good luck

Answer 10

Next time you are forced to go to Mass, don't go forward to receive Communion. It wouldn't be appropriate in your current frame of mind, and your parents aren't going to make a scene about it in front of the whole church. Repeat as necessary. That will make the point more effectively than anything you could say.

Peace.