If you have a depressed partner, how do you deal with it?

Question

My partner is depressed. Everytime we get into an argument, she expresses her feelings and then most likely this will lead to her feelings of worthlessness and wanting to hurt herself. Now I love her deeply, and I want her to get better. And I feel the only way our relationship can work is if she gets better. Personally, I don't think depressed people should be in relationships, but I didn't realize that she was at first, and here I am..

She already has an appointment with a Psychiatrist in a couple weeks (so far away because Kaiser Permanente is the most insenstive place ever), so that won't answer my question. My question is, what are you supposed to do when your partner won't listen to you during depressive bouts? I try to be there for and tell her it's going to be ok. Is there really much more I can do until her appointment?

Answer 1

It is a good thing that you are trying to stick it out with and you are being there for her. I also commend you for helping her get an appointment with a psychiatrist. There are no easy quick fix answers of what to do or not do with a depressed person with suicidal/destructive behaviors. The behavior you have described is indicative of a mood disorder, a reaction to past abuse, or some combination of the two. Be patient with her and try to stay calm at all times no matter what happens. be supportive, not critical when she cuts herself. Never call her crazy or put her down. That will only worsen the situation. Simply talking to her won't work. she likely needs some type of medication to stabilize her moods. Remind her you love her as often as possible. Compliment her on what she does right and try to get her to concentrate on her positive attributes by complimenting her. Small things count. Try to put as little stress as possible on her. Go out and do things that you enjoy doing together. Watch her but don't let her know you are watching her. Do things to let her know you still care and no matter what you will be there for her. Has she ever experienced anything particularly traumatic that you know of?

Answer 2

Sometimes I think I could write a book on living with a depressed person. My husband of thirty five years came from a very physically abusive father. He has never had any self esteem. I can't say low self esteem because he has none. I'm a highly positive person that thanks God for every breath I breathe. He on the other hand says he's never had a blessing in his life. I've never in thirty five years known of him having a happy moment. He can see a dark cloud on any pretty sun shiny day. It's so sad because he's the smartest person I've ever known. Some days I could die from all of the gloom and doom he projects. If I wasn't like I am I would have gone under years ago. The way I deal with it is to realize that I'm here, but I know that I or no one can ever make him happy. Would I marry him again if I knew what I know now, probably not? He's such a nice man and I hope God will give him all he deserves in the next life. Good luck Honey with your wife. If you love them that goes a long way. You're in my prayers.

Answer 3

Make sure she keeps that appointment, and takes her pills consistently. Good things to do that cheer up people who are depressed are: Meditation
Exercise
Keeping moving & occupied
Comical movies
Eating--this is critical. She must eat every few hours, because being depressed x 3 is what happens when she's hungry and depressed.
Sleeping regular hours
Sunshine

I hope this helps.

Debbie

Answer 4

If you really love her, you should be there with her all the time to support her. It's all up to you if you still want to continue your relationship. Just remember times like this, she needs more professional help. Good luck!

Answer 5

You just need to make sure she knows you are there for her and are willing to talk, listen, rub her back, sit in silence.. whatever..

She is dealing with her issues and unfortunately SHE needs to deal with them.. all you can do is offer assistance..

Just hold her hand and ride the wave.... don't resist it..