am i over-reacting?

Question

so my mom and her bf had a bad breakup and she had no where to live so i told her to stay with me until she can get her own place. i live with my boyfriend and we have an extra bedroom so i thought it would be no prob. but now i feel taken advantage of...she brings her new bf (of like 3weeks lol) over all the time with out asking me about it, he spends the nite, they lock thereselves in her room and dont come out unless they're leaving my house. she never goes to his house for some reason...plus, one reason she wanted to move close to us (all her kids) was because she wanted to spend more time...and she's not. only with her "bf"...she says shes trying to save money for her own place so she doesnt have to rely on us 4evr, but she's always going out with him to places that cost $..everynite! my dad bought her a cell phone to help her out a little to find a job (before she moved in with me) and now she told my dad not to call unless its an emergency cause she's "with someone" im pissedddd

Answer 1

No.

She's being rude and selfish.

You should have a talk with her, saying that it's time for her to find another living arrangement.

Don't act pissed with her, just serious and frim.

Answer 2

If she is anything like my mother you are not overreacting. She feels like becuase she gave birth to you, you somehow owe her this. She also feels as though she is the parent and she can do whatever she wants at home. She has decided that because she lives in your house it is her home and she can do whatever she wants.

Just because she is going out everynight doesn't mean shes spending money. Maybe he pays?

You need to talk to her and start charging her rent. Just tell her you're having trouble paying the bills and start putting the money away in a savings account. Then when there is enough take her and "buy" her a place. Don't mention her money bought it. Even if you just do it for a few months and do a security deposit on some apartment... she's out of your place and hair.

Answer 3

Why are you so upset at her? She sounds like she's happy. Maybe he's taking her out. And maybe, she stays in her room all the time because she doesn't want to disturb you. Have you ever asked her? She may not even know that you don't like her BF over. Also re; your dad and the phone, she has every right to tell her ex don't call me. I wouldn't want to chat with my ex when I'm with my bf.

Yes I agree she needs to get her own place, there is this creepy role reversal thing going on here. It would probably be better for both of you.

Answer 4

You have the reverse of the "adult child living at home
syndrome. Your mother is having her second teen-hood.

You need to sit her down and lay down some rules.
No more strange men in your house... it is a security risk. Also spell out that she is NOT on your lease and that her on-going presence can get YOU evicted.

Set a reasonable date for her to be out of your place... AND STICK TO IT.
She needs to find a smaller place to move into... an efficiency or garage apartment she can afford now, then she can trade up after saving some money.
Offer to help her look for a job (not do it for her) and offer to help her look for a new place to live.

If you have to, start charging her "rent money" and put it back to use as a deposit on her own place.

Answer 5

No, youre not over reacting, but this is a very touchy situation. Obviously your mom isnt respecting your household and doing as she pleases, but in her mind SHES the mother and cannot be told what or how to do things. I would suggest sitting down with your mom when no one else is around and talking it out. Dont get emotional (crying or yelling) as it would only make her do the same. If she yells and cries dont counter attack, just listen to her and tell her you understand. Be firm though, and tell her what you feel and how her behavior is rocking a home. Above all... treat her like your mother, not your friend. I think that shes treating you like a friend, not a daughter/son, and thats how this mess all started.

Answer 6

Lets get this straight ... You were nice enough to help your mother out when she was in trouble and this is how she repays you? Girl you need to fix this fast./// First we are going to set a date say a month from today, this is the date your mother has to be out of your house. No ifs ands or buts she has to be out in a month. This was not supposed to be her permanent home right? Dont be fooled by her tears rages or any other crap that she is going to hand you/// You have done more than enough to help her out. Let the boy friend take over and let her live with him. You have done more than your share . So o/k/ repeat after me..........OUT OF MY HOUSE IN A MONTH/////////////////


lOTS OF LUCK

JULIA G.

Answer 7

You need to start saying, "you either listen to the rules of my house, while you're living under my roof, or you can get out."

You have no idea how lucky you are, i would kill to be in your situation right now!! Like seriously kill...
I would be saying soo much **** to my mum that she tormented me with. My mum has over-reacted when my friends just leave too "loudly"... as in, they closed the door too hard (didn't slam it though. Just too hard). If she were living under MY roof, then the tables would drastically turn. God, i would be in heaven...

Answer 8

I would tell her that she could NOT have over night company in MYhouse. Her new boyfriend is probably already in a relationship which is why she never stays at his house. She needs to focus more on gettin her own place and less on entertaining.

Answer 9

I don't think you were over-reacting. You did your mom a favor by letting her move in with you and your b/f. Its your place, so should should respect your rules. You should confront her about spending money every night.

Answer 10

NOOOOOO!!!!!

Send her walking NOW...Change the locks NOW. She's a parasite. She doesn't 'want to be close' to her kids to be warm and fuzzy, but to catch a free ride!