My mother wants to controll me but doesnt want to spend time with me what should i do?

Answer 1

My mother was quite controlling. I had half an impulse to rebel, half an impulse to do what I needed to be morally grounded and focused despite her overpowering nature... not to mention a desire to be accepted and appreciated.

I realized that I would be letting her win if I rebelled too much. It made it hard at times without a mom to guide me, and emotionally engage me, but I found other mother (and father figures) that encouraged me, appreciated me, and loved me for the person I was.

I just asked myself, "Is this the person I would want to be someday... or have my future kids turn to if I wasn't here to love them (God forbid).

I might write a letter to your mom, if she is not the type to pick it apart. If not, ask to go out for a tea, latte, or soda, and tell her you want a closer relationship with her, and you want the ability to earn her trust and respect. Ask her how to facilitate this.

Tell her that at times, like any teen, you feel smothered as you try to develop your own autonomy and are growing up. Ask her how she dealt with it, (this will help remove her out of the role of sentry/gaurd). Come up with a plan, a chance to go out every 2 weeks or so, share a movie night, or board games, etc.

A lot of parents don't know how to parent teens - no manuals... :o)

Therefore, they do what was done to them, and sometimes that stinks. On top of this, they just don't feel needed by these independent young people that they used to have such a strong connection with! Ironic, yes???

I have two amazing teens. We have more of a "Gilmore Girls" relationship. We have cappacinos, board games, go out or stay for movies, bake cookies together, and sometimes stay up too late talking. We don't get along all the time. I believe in absolute honesty and constantly challenge the kids to grow. They get frustrated. I get frustrated. The point is that no relationship is perfect.

If your mom accepts this honest and mature response, I will be so happy for you. If not, then you know that you made the best try that you could and have a back up plan.

I hope this helps you. You deserve comfort and happiness!

Answer 2

I think you should confront her about it
and go from there
good luck!