I found a stash of playboy magazines under my son's mattress?

Question

He's 13 and I think he's too young to be looking at these magazines. How do I talk to him about this?? What do I do???

Answer 1

It may be a little easier hearing something like this from his dad or male figure in his life (possibly an older brother)? First, I would make sure to NOT make him feel ashamed. At 13, boys are going through tremendous changes and are getting interested in sex. I would tell him that he's perfectly normal to be curious. You may want to have a "safe sex" talk with him too... Not sure how young kids start these days - but it's definitely younger than it used to be! Tell him that he can come talk to you, your husband, an older sibling or whomever if he has questions... As for the magazines, I'm not sure what to do about those... I guess if it's 1 or 2 magazines I wouldn't be concerned, but if he has a whole collection started - you may need to discuss your rule on pornography in the house...

Answer 2

Do not panic. The poster who suggested it's a terrible thing that he's hiding them is encouraging panic. There's a reason it's a cliche about Playboy being hidden under the mattress -- that's the classic place to stash them.

I think a discussion with his father or another comfortable male figure might be best, if circumstances permit. It doesn't have to start with "So...you're into girlie mags now, huh?" It's probably time for the talk anyway.

I agree that some real world advice is good -- respect the girls you meet and date, and by the way this is an airbrushed and idealized vision of women so don't think this is the only way women have to look, wait until you're older for sex but don't do anything without protection.

I'm a listener of Dan Savage's sex advice podcast, and he says that the average age of becoming sexually active is now 14, so that's what's going on around him, even if it's not his experience. (Dan's a bit plain-spoken for your son to be listening to--it's a podcast, so no broadcast standards to worry about--so I wouldn't use that as a direct resource for him to listen to.)

I think this is a normal activity. You want to make sure he's educated and given a good grounding in how to be responsible without coming down like holy wrath.

Answer 3

My son would have been about the same age and rather than make a big issue out of it I left the magazines where they were.
A few days later I 'casually' brought the subject up with my husband with my son within hearing distance. I asked him why men found it necessary to look at these types of magazines and didn't he think they were degrading to women. As my 11 year old daughter was around too we soon had a family discussion going and at no time did anyone mention HIS collection. A week later I checked and they'd gone but I'm still convinced that away from home he, like other boys that age, was still 'looking' at that type of thing!
We always talked openly in front of our children and about all sexual or teen issues. Now as adults they are well balanced and nothing causes them embarrassment!

Answer 4

Now I can see what's so wrong with this world by all these answers. 13 is too young to own playboy magazine's. It is not OK for him to rightfully have them in his possession. It's fine that he's being curious and it is normal behavior for him to want to discover the world of sex and anatomy. I agree not to embarrass him but do you realize the content that's in it? It's not appropriate reading material let alone inappropriate nude pictures for a 13yr old. Gently talk to him and tell him your not mad and that your not going to make a big deal out of it but you as his parent will not tolerate him having this kind of material. Maybe you can get his father to talk with him, might make it a more comfortable situation. Your his parent you either feel it's right or wrong and you need to talk to him about it no matter how your son will react. No matter how hard you try to make this easy his reaction may not be something you will like but your the parent!

Edit: Someone said they rather their son be looking at this stuff then finding out he's having sex? Do you realize this can lead to sex? Where's everyone's logic?

Answer 5

If he is interested he's not too young. Trust me he's interested. Anything you do is going to feel uncomfortable to you and him. My problem with finding such a stash is that the magazines objectify women. It's perfectly natural for a 13 year old boy to be fascinated by boobies, but he needs to remember that women are people and should be treated with respect. As for the magazines- he's already embarassed by them he will be mortified if he learns that you found them, but let the kid keep his stash and let him know that masturbation is perfectly normal.

Answer 6

It's a natural part of growing up. All your going to do if you talk to him is embarrass him. Leave him alone. I'd rather find Playboy magazines under my son's matress than a cache of guns and bullets. What were you snooping around for anyway?

Answer 7

Depends on his maturity level. As to whether he's "old enough" or not. My 14 yr old stepson has a stash. Sometimes he spends more time in the bathroom than any other! I would however ask ( not accusingly) where they came from. You want to make sure they are not stolen or given to him by some sick adult, that would be my concerns. Then have a talk with him about masturbation and how its normal. Look for some resources to help you on "the talk".

Answer 8

My first question would be whether you've ever spoken with him about this before. Does he know how you feel about pornography?

I think if it bothers you, explain how you feel about porn, and let him know why you're was taking them from him. I'd also tell him something to the effect of he was getting a freebie this time, but that he'd be punished if he brought them into your home again...

Right or wrong, big deal or not, it's a normal thing for an adolescent teen. We can all remember those times, I'm sure. I'd say whatever you decide, be sensitive, not confrontational. Good luck!

Answer 9

He is at an age that is very sensitive. Although I don't want my kids looking at playboy/playgirl at 13, it is a natural curiosity which he is probably still very embarrassed about. Don't discourage his curiosity, but it sounds like its time to have the birds and the bees talk. Explain to him that it is natural to be excited by the female body, but that there needs to be a level of respect. Explain your boundaries within your home as well. If you do not approve of pornography, tell him that, and why. But don't make him feel guilty for being naturally curious. Kids get lots of bad information from peers, and its best to get the right information from adults they trust. At his age, theres no doubt he has already been told some crazy things about sex and women.

Answer 10

Would you rather they were pictures of naked men?

This is normal behavior for 13 year olds. If he was "too young" he wouldn't be interested in them, would he?

However, I'd talk with him (or have dad talk with him, which is better) in order to remind him that the models are specially chosen for their looks and "endowments" and don't represent women in general and that relationships built on youthful good looks never last.

I hope you can accept the fact that he undoubtedly masturbates while looking at the pictures. That's normal, too. That's the idea. You don't have to "discuss" that part with him, just be aware of it.

Or, if it makes you feel better, you don't really have to do anything. Maybe he just reads the articles.