My daughters halloween costume...teacher said something?

Question

My daughter is very bright, she is 6 in the second grade and is already working on pre-algebra in her free time. She is not a normal 6 year old, she never played with dolls although I have bought her hundreds of them. Every one who meets her says she has an old soul, she is very very almost too mature for her age, she see the world differently which I encourage, I am proud she does not follow the crowd. This halloween she is super excited, she is going to be dead Snow White she even has a back story, she said she is the Snow White that the prince never came to kiss after she ate the apple. She is telling every one. I understand she can not wear her scary make up at school so she is going to be pretty at school but when she gets home we are going to make her scary. The other day the teacher asked the kids what they are going to be for halloween and she told her, I received an email from the teacher saying that this is not normal for a 6 year old to want to kill a princess

and that maybe I should be concerned that she thought of doing this. Like I said I know she is different and sees the world differently than most 6 year olds do, and the teacher knows this as well, but do you think I was wrong by agreeing to allow her to be this?

She does not watch horror movies, she does not talk about killing things, I just figured she was thinking outside of the box with her costume.

Answer 1

It is just a costume. Tell the teacher not to read too much into it. It's not like she is going to wear it all the time. Maybe the teacher is concerned that your daughter is obsessed with death, but it is natural for kids to be curious about it.

Answer 2

Don't worry about it. I can tell you now, she's not the only little girl who thinks like that.
My best friends daughter is almost 11, but since she a toddler, she's been very grown up. All her ideas for Halloween costumes have been something nice but dead. A dead kitty, a dead princess, a dead bride, you get the idea. She's not a disturbed child in any way, she watches the Disney channel and plays with soft toy horses, but sometimes she likes to be creative and different from the other kids.
You daughter will be fine, this teacher is making a big deal out of nothing, I always thought Halloween was supposed to be scary, a nice living princess is a wimpy way out for this holiday, your daughter has got the spirit of the even just right and that fact she has the back story shows just how smart and creative she is. Be proud of her!

Answer 3

I think the teacher is right, in a way. It is not "normal" for a 6-year-old to want to kill off the princess. Then again, your child is not normal. However, I think what the teacher is afraid of is that your child is seeing herself as the princess - that the costume constitutes pre-suicidal thoughts.

I don't think your daughter is actively self-destructive. However, the teacher may or may not be right in this case. It's hard to tell without knowing your daughter. However, if what you're describing above is accurate, and not just brag, then she is a child that would be considered "profoundly gifted". Such children are..... not really "blessed", so to speak. They lead very difficult lives, and many have even more troubled adolecent years. Are there other things the teacher might be seeing in your childs social life at school that would be leading her to this concern?

Anyway, I wouldn't bother changing her constume. It's what she wants (for better or worse) and there is nothing unacceptable about it. I mean, if she wanted to be a strip girl or something THEN I would be more concerned.

On the other hand, I think you really should start seriously considering your daughters emotional health. This isn't because there is anything wrong right now, but because if she's as gifted as you say, there WILL be things wrong in the not-so distant future. This isn't because your daughter is flawed, or because you're not a good parent, it's simply because the world isn't very well adapted to extremely gifted children. It is very difficult to give them propper child appropriate developmental situations without boring them to death.

My recomendation is to simply keep a close eye on your daughter (and any journals she might keep one day). In the meantime, try to get her into some type of gifted program. You mention that she's already advanced at least one grade in school. This might be good for her academic development, but if you push her too much further from her age-group peers it will be hard for her emotional development in later years. (One of my friends skipped so many grades that by the time she came of age for dating, she was surrounded only by men who still thought she looked like a child.) If you can, find a program that will let her be around other gifted children her age. They do exist out there, but you may have to search a bit to find one. However, this will allow your daughter to develop with people who are truly her peers - socially and emotionally.

Answer 4

As a teacher, I think that it is clear that the second grade teacher does not have much experience with young kids!

I am a kindergarten teacher and I know that 6 years olds can be pretty melodramatic and morbid when they want to! It's all part of experiementing and growing up.

The teacher is making too big a deal of this!

I think that you have a very creative little girl on your hands, one who will no doubt be successful in life. I think her idea of being the "unrescued" Snow White is very clever. It shows a maturity and intellegence as well as a sensitivity to literature and stories that is uncommon in one so young.

Doubtless her IQ is higher than the teacher's.

Anyhow, make perfectly clear to the teacher that your daughter does not want to kill the princess.

Encourage your daughter's creativity. It is a gift. One day she may be getting the Nobel Prize for Literature or the Pulitzer.

And don't worry. There is nothing wrong with play-fantasy. It is very healthy for children her age.

Answer 5

She does pre algebra, and she's only six?! Whoa! I could only do that when I was in 5th/6th grade! Regarding your question, I would say that she has every right to wear that costume to school (without the makeup, so the other kids won't get scared). Tell the teacher that she's not like any other girl, and she has every right to dress up as dead snow white.

Answer 6

When I was a kid I wanted to be a dead princess too (cinderella) you know with the butcher knife in the head. I think that your daughter is creative and any NORMAL teacher would laugh because of the creativity. Just tell that teacher that it's not NORMAL for a teacher to think that a 6year old has pyschological problems justt because of her halloween costume. I know a kid that's going out asa dead superman (im not kidding). What boy would want to kill superman well that would be my son. LOL.

Answer 7

No, I don't think you were wrong at all. I have a 9 year old that sounds a lot like your daughter. I had no idea that creative little girls go through a phase like this. It sounds like she's going through it a littler earlier. My daughter was 8 when she went through a slightly dark phase, she's pretty much over it now but can still be a little twisted. I've observed that some (not all) of her girlfriends have gone through the same phase. I think its totally normal. "Killing a princess" sounds to me like she's having some pretty mature realizations. I think letting girls grow up thinking the princess mentality is real is more damaging! Support your little creative girl and let her express her light and dark sides. That teacher needs to leave the parenting up to you. Good luck :)

Answer 8

Your daughter is perfectly normal. I personally have never met a kid that hasn't asked "what would happen if the prince didn't come?" Some teachers hear the word death or dead and freak out. Just tell the teacher that your daughter is ok and not to read so much into it.

Answer 9

I think the teacher is just concerned -- think of it this way, what if something was going on and the teacher didn't send an email. The teacher is just covering her own rear... I would reply to her that you daughter did not "kill" the princess and request the teach ask your daughter about it and have your daughter explain the backstory... Which, by the way, you have one imaginitive little girl....

Answer 10

I don't think your wrong in letting her do this. A lot of these teachers think they know everything. Teachers are not child psychologists. I don't see in your question where your daughter said she wanted to kill a princess, like the teacher said. Only you really know your daughter. If your okay with it, then let her do it, just not around school, cuz you don't want to start bad blood between your child and her school over really nothing.