my 5 year old daughter has just told me that her mother has told her misbehave when she comes to visit me?

Answer 1

Even though it must be infuriating to hear this, try to stay calm and explain to your daughter that even though mommy may have said that, when she is with you, she is in your care which means you are the one in charge and and she must follow your rules. 5 year olds are easily swayed by authority and you just have to present a strong demeanor and she will catch on. Dismiss the comment as something trivial instead of exploding or making any comments about what your ex is trying to do. Then, I would talk to your ex and tell her what your daughter said and that she should not be using your daughter to create conflicts between the two of you. That is childish and inmature and you two dont have to like each other anymore but must always present a united front for your daughters sake so that she can have a normal life. If she dismisses it or denies it, let it go. Just continue upholding your rules in your house and do not give in to these schemes. You be the better person and provide your daughter with a solid, reliable environment where she feels safe and loved.

Answer 2

...and is that true or is your daughter getting into the ancient art of playing parents against each other? She shouldn't even be talking to you like that in the first place...it's awlful gutsy especially if her mother is doing no such thing. Say this to yourself - "in my home that isn't going to fly either way". That is what the first poster meant by "take the high ground" even if your daughter is being pestered into rebellion or not. She has to learn positive * positive * positive options via you being a happy parent and willing to teach her that personal responsibility does exist whether she likes it or not. When she comes home go visiting with family, play board games, popcorn and Veggie Tales or something of your choice, talk about school and the exiciting things she's learning, do family things because that is how you are related with parents and grandparents being her source of guidance. Structure: Toys will be picked up here and at grandmas, doctor's office, and such. She is old enough to *assist* with setting the table, brushing her teeth before she goes to bed and after breakfast in the morning etc. She is old enough to understand manners which takes a bushel full of communication from U. Hopefully those are being practiced and taught in school as well.

Unfortunately there are parents and a host of people out their doing the peer pressure thing remember? There are also children out there doing what they please without parental encouragement or a two-way street peer pressure thing coupled with compliance. That leaves U and other adult loved ones. As a father, you are going to have to stand tuff despite what others are doing and do the best you can do naturally - make it your nature. You do what is right and love your daughter which includes structure also. If you find out *anyone* is definately TEACHING your daughter excuses do not go without saying something despite them pretending not to listen to you AND stand tall. Dad's are suppose to be *tall* and *human* just like moms really...it's a parent thing and it's an adult thing which is where your daughter is going in small steps. Your marriage failed but marital status has nothing to do with parenting that's a whole other subject and a whole different role.

Man, (husband if remarried), Father, Son, Uncle? ect...probably not a grandparent but you get my point.

Your daughter's roles in life right now are this:

A beautiful little girl and daughter who is under your direct care for the next 13 years but will always be your daughter and U will always be her father. It's that simple.

When things seem like they are getting way out whack you always have the basics to go back to and find the bottom line of the issue/situation.

Simply put: the difference between right and wrong. Now is the time to gather all the known appropriate teachings such as manners, affection your were given as a child, things you were taught that you now have have to admit were not your parents bugging you, (etc) because they are now an asset to you as a parent : )

Happy Parenting : )

Answer 3

That was very immature on the mothers part. Kids already have the tendency to put separated parents at odds. At 5 she should not be told to misbehave at any place. You being a good, mature parent, you continue to instill good qualities and make sure the little one knows that even at dads house, there are rules and consequences if you don't obey them. Try to be the better parent and have fun with your daughter. Make the visits enjoyable for her and you.

good luck

Answer 4

i'm so sorry to take heed to that. that's a no longer uncomplicated project. i think of your in simple terms decision is to end touch or in simple terms enable supervised touch. you are able to never make particular how this might impression a new child of that age. She is in simple terms too youthful to comprehend. i might possibly get her in contact in some thing else that this new child would not take area wherein comprise arts and crafts or swimming instructions so as that she will meet different acquaintances. As on your chum coming over each and every of the time along with his daughter, i do no longer know what to allow you know there. He in all probability should not be coming over unannounced or in many cases- possibly have him call previous to time if this happening. That way you would be forewarned and doubtless a neighbor can help out and watch your daughter for a splash or you are able to in simple terms tell him you're busy. that's none of his business enterprise why now's no longer a solid time. i think of your daughter could come first.

Answer 5

for starters do not make it a bad mommy/ bad daddy situation. so say nothing against mom. tell her.. that you know daddys little girl is always well behaved and you know she is not capable of being naughty. so continue to be daddy's good little girl. i would address this with her mother. explaining that she is only hurting your daughter. once she starts acting up .it would not be selective( just at daddys house..) it would become second nature. explain that you are not going to put your child in the middle of your dispute. that you love your daughter too much for that and she should too. real parents do not drag innocent children into battles. say nice things about her mom..when she is around. "mommy makes good sandwiches huh? you will be surprised the results..when the child tells mommy what daddy says. and she will realize that while mom is tearing daddy apart.. daddy is being a nice guy. children are smart you do not have to back stab..or point out faults. they pick up on it real quick. good luck. it is ashame that some people are allowed to have children to abuse mentally..physically etc. just do the right thing daddy.

Answer 6

wow that's really messed up if that's true. what a confusssssssssing thing to tell a kid. so manipulative. talk to the mother and be very clear and frank and ask her if that is true. and if she says no, and you don't believe her. put it into a hypothetical like. oh, good, cause if someone were to do that to a kid _____________________ fill in the blank.

talk with your daughter (this situation is so nuanced) but if i had to talk to her i guess i would say that...

while it is good to obey our parents, sometimes they don't always tell us to do the best thing. and to expect us to be mean or cause trouble to someone else, especially to another parent, is not ok. so when someone tells us to do something, even though we want to make them happy, if they are asking us to do something that is wrong, we should not do it, or at least think about it. and then i'd try to illustrate a few examples... i don't know if she can understand that right now, but she will, with time.

Answer 7

take the high ground...explain to your daughter that it is wrong to misbehave, no matter where you are. tell her children who misbehave are not good children. if you set the good example, your daughter will remember this years later and come to see her mother for the selfish ***** that she seems to be. children are smart, they are very aware of things that go on around them.....she may not see it now, but down the road she'll recall that her father is a good daddy and her mom is a *****

Answer 8

I just wanted to tell you you must be doing something right with her. If she told you, it must have bothered her. It should make you feel good she came to you about it. And if she is smart enough to know that wasn't right, she's probably smart enough to know that mommy is being mean to daddy.

If you think you can approach her mother about it without her getting mad at your daughter, then you should. Just to let her know you are still the father, and you do know what's going on in your daughters life, and you won't allow your daughter to be manipulated.

Answer 9

Just laugh about it and give her a hug and say..."how can you misbehave when you are such an angel".

Obviously your ex wife/girlfriend is upset over the split. Be happy she lets you see your child at all. Some ex's are real B-itches. Don't even bring it up with the mother. Nothing will be accomplished, she will just know that it got your goat.

Answer 10

Don't believe everything a 5yr old says. If this sounds plausible to you, then ask your ex if she said it. You should be able to tell if she's lying. But frankly dad, you're being played. My own daughters commonly would tell one of us that the other said it was ok, hoping we wouldn't talk to each other. Kids do that sort of stuff when they are in trouble or if there is something they want.