How do I deal with finding out I was adopted?

Question

Im 17 I was 16 when I found out... I was getting a file out for my dad and I noticed a file that said alm adopt... so being the curius bad girl I am I looks and it was filled with lettters and stuff about my adoption... I finaly at the end of the day got up the courage to telll my dad... he said its true but it doesnt make anyway difrence it did to me I cryed for 3 days it felt like my whole world had fallen apart ... he said he didnt know the papers were in there ... he said my mom and him allways talked about telling me but they were scared.. anyway I will skip a little he told me some stuff about my family be cause he knew them... my mother was alive when I was adopted she didnt think she could take care of me at the time so she wanted my family to foster me but they said they didnt feel it was right swiching a kid from family to family so she agreeded on leting them adopt I also found out I had 2 twin sisters and a half brother.. then I found out my mother died a year ago...

next I find out my sisters wanted to meet with me and stuff... but at the time I was SO overwlled that I just didnt want too but now I do how do I tell my parents I want to meet my sisters btw my biological father wants nothing to do with me...

Answer 1

I'm so sorry.

My 4 year old is a step-parent adoption. She's mine biologically, but her Daddy wasn't a part of our life until she was a little older and he finally adopted her when she was 2.

Understand that your adoptive parents loved you. They probably kept the secret because they didn't know how to tell you. We have been struggling with exactly how we're telling our daughter about her adoption. We feel she should be told early on for just this reason. But it seems like every time you think of the perfect way to say it, you realize that maybe you're wrong and you shouldn't explain it that way. You get confused in your own mind about what to say..

Your birth family loved you enough to provide a better life for you by giving you up. As a mother, I can't imagine the tremendous amount of love your Birth Mom must have had to have willingly handed you away to more capable hands. It would have broken my heart to have to do it.

And your family paid all the money, probably waited for years, and then raised you up to be the person you are because they loved you. They probably kept the secret because they didn't know how to say it without hurting you.

It's okay to be shocked. It's even okay to be a little angry. But try to understand that nobody meant for this to hurt you. If it's too much to handle, ask your parents to help you get some counseling to work through it. I'm sure they'll oblige.

Best Wishes.

Answer 2

Your biological Mom loved you enough to want you to have a loving home. Your parents loved you enough to take you in and raise you as their own. Think about what part of this whole thing bothers you. Is it that you're adopted or is it that you weren't told? Either way, it sounds like you've come to terms with that part of it. You now want to meet your sisters and brother. Don't be afraid to tell your parents that you changed your mind. They've been afraid of how you would react so they avoided the subject. Don't allow avoidance to interfere in your life any more. Tell your parents what you want. The best way to clear the air is to talk about what you're feeling. If your sisters want to meet you and you want to meet them, then talk to your parents about making the arrangements. I'm sure they'd be happy to help you get together with them now that the cat is out of the bag and you're adjusting to it. If you still have questions about the whole thing, continue to ask until you're satisfied. Communication is important and necessary for healing.

Answer 3

I soooooooo get where you are at. 17 years ago I found out that the dad who bought me up wasn't my real dad and my whole world fell apart. I only found out because I needed to get my birth certificate to get married.
I have found my biological father and ever since I have been on one huge emotional roller coaster. I can never look at him as my "Dad" only a "friend". I also have a half brother and sister but they don't want anything to do wtih me and neither does their mother so I only see my biological father on the quiet.
I am soooo sorry to hear about your mother passing away.
All I can say is as time goes on it will be easier to accept. I hope one day your biological father will come around as it will help you to get some closure on it.

Answer 4

I would have the same feeling as you if I had find i was adopt Yes dear go meet your sister and brother My husband found a half sister when he was 50 yrs And we are vey close to her Its a wonderful relation Do not let yourself discourage by the other answer Go ahead and meetyour biological family You will no regret it Luck

Answer 5

The first thing you need to come to grips with, is to realize biology means NOTHING. I know that seems cruel, but it is true. I have a son that is 2 and it hasn't been until recently that I have bonded with him emotionally, and I am his biological mother. Your parents should have always told you you were adopted, and I am sure it was a shock. You decide if you want to see your sisters or not, and don't worry about the sperm donor, he isn't your DAD. THANK GOD!

Answer 6

meeting the siblings is something you can do but, they usually don't wind up going well in the end.

you have nothing to loose. give it a try. if it doesn't work out you have lost nothing.

be happy that you have parents that love and care for you. i hope your siblings had the same.

good luck!

Answer 7

just be glad you have a good family think about it, if you never got adopted where would you be now? you would be going from home to home. I would sya just be ok with it

Answer 8

hi gym,
i won't deny that i felt sad , very sad ,its not just you dear its a matter of too many childern and kids , i kept asking myself :_
if they can't jst take care of us, if jsut they felt they didn't want us, why did they brought us ?!!
nagging question , never stops.
but afterwhile, i said:_
why is the bother?!!
its not good to know after years that you have a nother parents, i feel it , it makes you feel confused , torn apart
to whom i should say father, the one who brought me up or who brought me to this life ?
which mother i can tell her my secrets , the one who knows everything about me or the one who brought me to life?!!


so, i thought and thought and thought , finally , i got the following:_
1_you foster parents, never hate them not telling you the truth from the bigining , you have to appreciate everything they didi for you , and to understand why they hide such an issue from you, they just were afraid of you actually feeling right now, they just wanted to delay it as much as possible.
they deserve your love, respect, loyality.
2_about your _dead_biological mother , ask our merciful creator_Allah_ to forgive her of what she did to you years ago, she neds your forgiveness gym to feel comfort where she went, after all she brought you to life, and you don't know what the real readon for deserting you.
3_for your biological fater-who you said he didn't even talked to you however he knows about you now,
so, i can't tell you to ignore him because he is your father after all, and i also can't tell you no to ignore him too, because of what he didi to you years ago,
but i can tell you with my whole heart,
remember each time you feel angery at him , your blood is his blood, you may have his nose , his eyes, his face character.
things you can't ever neglect , don't make your heart hard gym, you are so young for such a hatred and dudgeon.
and remember forgiveness is needed for alive people as much as dead ones.
4_for your sisters, why don't just meet them, they surely feel curious to see thier elder sister, they may want to talk to you, and tell you about themselves , thier study , thier mates, beleive me you need them too, you need to have such a company , open your heart to them, have fun and happiness with them , they have done nothing wrong to you ever gym.
don't punish them because they got the chance to live with your parents while you didn't.
have a new page of life , and faith that you had the best of it
our merciful lord who made us by his hands would never hurt us , he always gives us the best, if you realized that and kept such a fact in your mind then you will feel satisfied and everything will go perfectly.

hope you reach your decision , the right one.
just tell me soon you are ok.