My Husband has been deployed, our children don't understand...?

Question

I have a 3 and 2 year old, they don't understand what is going on. My 3 yr old cries all day for daddy and my 2 yr old will not let me out of arms reach. They are just so young I am having trouble finding the right words for them to understand that Daddy is gone but WILL come home...Any ideas on how I can make this easier for them to understand and accept?

I love the idea about the chain on the walls!!! I went out and bought the Elmo DVD and now my oldest understands that Daddy is helping Elmo's Daddy, and he seems to be okay about that idea. My youngest just loves sitting in Daddy's Favorite chair. I am going to make a book to show what Daddy is doing with pics of us and ones of Daddy that he is going to take and send me. All the ideas everyone gave were great. Thank you so much!!!

Answer 1

yes. explain it to them again and again and again.

everything depends on what your focusing on.

what are you doing while your hubbies away?

if you focus on your kids, im sure you can get them to understand.

Answer 2

You and I are in the same boat. I have a three year old and a two year old and daddy is deployed. First off, BIG hug to you. It's sooo hard being a single mom when dad is gone and having to explain to our kids why daddy can't be at home and that he's "far away". My oldest son cries a lot and needs his "puppy and blanket" everywhere we go. My youngest son has been going through his separation anxiety stage again with me and it's really stressful. What I do to try to make things easier is to have my boys talk to their dad when he calls. I also make little photo albums of pictures of them with daddy or pictures of daddy so they have something to look at. Things will get a little easier with time, just keep your head up! Good luck!

Answer 3

My husband isn't deployed but is TDY for a little while and I tell my 3 year old that daddy is on a trip for work and will be back on a different day. He understands the days of the week so I tell him, daddy will be back in "x" number of weeks. My husband is also stateside and the 3 year old loves maps and knows where most of the states are so it helps to show him on the map that daddy is in Georgia. I know it's a stretch with your hubby in the desert but maybe a big map of the world and showing him where you are and where daddy is might make him understand that daddy is somewhere else, but he can see where he is on the map. However, for my 16 mo. old, he doesn't understand ANY of that because he's too little, he just throws extra tantrums......

One more thing: my 3 year old likes to write "notes" (emails) to daddy on the computer and is totally overjoyed when he gets one back!! Even when daddy's home!!! I ask him what he wants to tell daddy and after he tells me, I tell him what letter to press and let him find it and press it and we spell out each word this way (and it's good for helping practice his letters) and then I let him do his name all by himself w/o my help. Then when dad writes back, I go get him and read it to him and tell him it's from daddy and he's just thrilled!!

Answer 4

It's going to be rough with you, because at that age they can't understand the problem, I know for my own experience , since I am in the Reserves and when I go on these medical missions for a while ,my little girl has the same problem and she is 5yrs., so I can imagine what you are going through, you should tell your husband to see if he can call whenever he can, or send letters, pictures, also keep on reassuring them that this is only for a little while and that he should be coming home soon, also you can see about getting some advice from the military, they got these offices that can help you with it, I know that this is a generalized opinion and they perhaps are not a solution, however, it might help you some, good luck

Answer 5

My son was 3 when my husband left for 10 months. It's not easy is it? One of the best things we did was making a paper chain. One link of the chain for every single day he would be gone.

We made it colourful and hung it all over his walls. It took up 3 walls! Every day before bed we'd take another link off the chain. 3 year olds don't understand weeks and months but they can see the chain start to slowly get shorter and shorter.

When daddy was going to be gone an extra 2 weeks I snuck in one day and added on 14 new chains and my son didn't even notice. :)

Good luck to you all.

Answer 6

It's going to take time. Your 3 year old can understand that Daddy had to go on a trip to work far away, but will be back. Talk to both of them about it. Reassure them that just like when Daddy goes to work he comes back he will come back from this. You can help keep them connected by helping them write letters. Ask them to color a picture for Daddy and take them with you to mail it to him. If he has an opportunity to call let them talk to daddy. Show them on a map where Daddy is and where they are. When my husband was deployed when our son as an even younger toddler I did all of those things and gave him a picture of my husband in uniform in a plastic frame he could not break. We talked about Daddy together and what we would do when Daddy came home, even though he didn't always grasp everything it did help. It's important to let them know what is going on even if they can't grasp it all.

There is going to be a transition period and that is normal. For the longest time we would go to the commissary and my son would call anyone in BDU's Daddy... And I would just explain nope not our Daddy. Daddy went bye bye to work but he will come home.

Keep things structured and predictible, a routine will help them ease into the new situation. Children need that especially right now. Ask your husband to send you a photo of him at work if possible so you can show them daddy at work. You might try to put a copy on where he is deployed to on the map and a picture of you and the kids on the map of where you are living.

I wish you the best, I know it's so hard. Even though you know what is going on it is so hard to miss your husband and have to deal with the kids being on edge because Daddy's gone at the same time. One thing that really helped me was to write in a journal at night to deal with my feelings. I really missed talking to my husband at night about the day and what the kids did and so keeping the journal helped with that. He read it when he came home and it helped him understand what we went through. Especially about stuff I didn't tell him about while deployed since I didn't want him to worry.

Thank you for the everything your family is going through to make our world a safer place. I know it is harder than anyone can imagine.

Answer 7

stop talking about it and get on with your life and theirs establish a routine.

a schedule got my son through one last year and he 3. we did the same thing every day. for the most part. he only asked about daddy a few times because i never sat and cried and talked about it nonstop i got on with my life. i had to be strong for him. being a wreck wont help your kids at all

occupy their time. play games go for walks. draw color. but try not to mention daddy. dont say i bet daddy would have fun doing this or daddy is sure missing out kids this age normally dont notice to much that someone is gone because they has such short memories

Answer 8

they are so small they wont understand right away. they don't even know what is going on in the world. i would tell them when they ask. but i would not say anything except that daddy went far away and he will be home when he can.i would not stress out on the fact that they don't understand. it will only make things worse between you and the kids. in the mean time i would get them into doing stuff to keep there mind off of what is going on around them. im sure that it would help you out to. im sorry that you have to go thru this and god bless you and every military family out there.

Answer 9

My prayers are with you and your husband. It must be so hard explaining to your children. My suggestions are: Don't avoid talking about Daddy, sometimes you can bring him up in conversation, like making his favorite meal, telling them stories about daddy, helping them draw pictures, and making crafts for him (some you can send, and some you can keep for when he gets home.) Make videos with your kids, keep him a part of their everyday lives in a positive manner. Keep a picture of their dad next to their beds so that at night they can give him a hug and kiss. I'm sure there are books, videos, etc. for you to deal with becoming a "single" parent, as well as for your young children to explain to them what daddy is doing, and that they are not the only kids whose parents are overseas.

Answer 10

I don't know if this will help but I found a book called "When Dad's at Sea," by Mindy L. Pelton. There is also something on the seasme street website http://www.sesameworkshop.org/wpad/ called When Parents Are Deployed that might help out. I hope all goes well for your husband and your family. I understand that this is a difficult time for you and my thoughts are with you.

Answer 11

All the help listed here is great. Being on the Dad side of things I know that right now it's tough on everyone. My girls grew up while I was gone. I'm just now getting a connection with one of my daughters.

God Bless you both.