anyone have a really funny joke?

Question

thnx! XD

Answer 1

1. Short Joke
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means,
With Idiot For Ever !!!"


2. Long Joke
Guy in a bar says: Hey bartender, if I can show you something amazing will you cover my tab tonight.
Bartender: Sure (thinking he's seen it all)

Guy opens a box that has man in a tuxedo not much bigger then a barbie doll. And a tiny grand piano. The tiny man starts playing wonderful music on the piano.
Bartender: Holy crap! Your tab is covered, where did you get that?
Guy: I have this magic orb it will grant anyone one wish.
Bartender: I will cover your tabs for a month if I can use that.

So the bartender grabs the orb & says "I wish for a million bucks"
Giant flash of light & smoke, then bar is filled with ducks everywhere you look, on the bar, the pool tables, the ceiling fans, everywhere.

Bartender: What the @^$%^? I asked for a million bucks, not ducks, this is messed up!
Guy looks at him & says: Do you really think I asked for a 10" pianist?

Answer 2

A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his a**."

Answer 3

Santa Singh and Banta singh are sitting in a bar sipping Black Label Johnny walker when Banta singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner. As he was getting up to talk to her. Bar Tender said "Hey don't worry about her, She is lesbian! ". Banta singh "Lesbian or no lesbian, I get all of them" Then leaping forward in a very sexy voice he said "Hi I'm banta.i know u r a lesbian. i am indian."

Answer 4

Two very hungry boys are ready for breakfast. A lady asks the first boy, "Whata you want for breakfast!?" He says, "I'll have some funkin' Lucky Charms you 'ol witch!" She begins to beat him with a stick which then the boy runs the heck outta there like a bat outta hell. She then asks the other boy, "Whata you want for breakfast!?" He then says, "I'll bet your fat rats @$$ it won't be those funkin' Lucky Charms over there, chihuahua breath!" =<)

Answer 5

Two boys awake one morning and go downstairs to get breakfast.
The mom asks the first boy, "What would you like for breakfast?"
The boy replies, "Ill take some f'ing cherios"
The mom commences beating the boy for his rude behavior and the mom then asks the second boy, "What would you like for breakfast?"
The boys replies "I'll bet you @ss it won't be no f'ing Cherios"

lol cracks me up when my dad tells me

Answer 6

What did the cow say to the chicken
Im better than you at crossing the utter side

Answer 7

1.SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
LITTLE JOHNNY: No, I'm Little Johnny.

2.TEACHER: Johnny, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
LITTLE JOHNNY: I get up early.

3.LITTLE JOHNNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
LITTLE JOHNNY: Your name on this report card.