I'm so ashamed of myself, can I ever get better?

Question

I'm very ashamed of myself.. I did these following things within the last 3 years:

Got out of a domestic violence situation w/ my fam.

began taking my anger out on my sister when she didn't deserve it.

Think of alot malacious things to do or say to my family and myself (ex. Runaway, abandon family, cut myself, etc)

Found out I had a fetishism, and have even became connected w/ someone (8 years older than me) who shares the same fetishism.

Hurt peoples' feelings (who were trying to help me or get closer to me)

I feel really very bad. I want to try and break out of my bad habits and temptations and just change, but looking back at this, I'm not sure I can ever forgive myself for all I've done. I don't know where I should start or what I should do first. I don't know if God can forgive me for my behavior. I just feel very guilty, this is all my fault and I just want to turn around and become a better person now, what can I do?

What do u mean, 'what have I done?' I've treated my sister just like how my stepdad treated me! Yelling, criticizing, spanking. She's only a little girl, she doesn't deserve that, and I'm a girl in her mid teens sharing a fetishism w/ a guy in his early twenties. It's just really bad. I got myself into alot of mess, I just can't stop crying, I feel guilty about this mess I've done.

I'm 16 and the guy's exes never shared any fetish w/ him and they were all around his age, the youngest being 20. One thing I'm proud of is that this never became anything sexual

Answer 1

Oneof the easiest ways to overcome negative behavior is to follow the same steps they use in AA or NA but substitute alcohol and drugs for the things you want to change. The first step is to admit you have a problem. You have already done that so you are on your way to fixing the problem.

here are the twelve steps of AA

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


these 12 steps are what most adults do without having to be told, but itis different for children as they have not learned how to do this yet and don't have the maturity yet to think of it on their own. good luck

Answer 2

Lots of things to talk about here but first, you must immediately stop hanging out with a person 8 years older than you to fulfill your fetish needs. I cannot begin to describe how dangerous this situation is for you. As a matter of fact, if you are under 18 (in most states, some it is as low as 16) you should call the police to have this person arrested. This is highly illegal behavior for that person and must end immediately if you want to begin working through these issues.

But saying that, you are not alone in your feelings. So don't panic. There are many, many people out there that feel the same way you do and are not as brave as you are to begin talking about it. You have made a great first step here in being honest. Continue by telling someone, preferably an adult or couselor, exactly what you just said in this letter. And I am sure they will agree with me that the first step is removing this older person from your life. Then the other problems can be worked through with counseling. Shame can be overcome, but it is hard work and best done with a counselor. Good luck and stop seeing that older person now!

EDIT- THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! The older person is taking advantage of you. You are a child and can't be expected to make adult decisions like this guy abusing you. Don't listen to these freaks trying to get you to admit your faults and BS like that. You are a child!!!! This person is an adult! It is not your fault. Tell an adult you trust immediately that this is going on and please remember that you have been taken advantage of- even if you seemed to want it at the time, it does not matter, legally and in my opinion all around, you are not responsible, this older guy is!

Answer 3

Don't look back. You may not be able to change what you've done but you can apologise to those you've hurt. It may make you feel better. Don't let the past dictate who you are. If you want to be a good person, then you are. And you only THOUGHT of bad things to do. The older person may not be a good thing though. If you are under 17, there's a good reason for the law against being with someone older. You may also want to think why he needs someone so much younger than himself(assuming your a girl, sorry, didn't check). Were all of his past gfs this young? Maybe you're another fetish of his. If so, this isn't love. And God forgives those who ask. If you feel bad about hurting people that love you, think about what you're going to say and ask yourself "will this hurt her?" All you have to do is open your heart to love and let it in, and you'll feel better. Gos Bless and good luck with love...

Answer 4

It's good that you want to change. That is repentance. Confess your sins to God and ask His forgiveness. In the Bible it says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9). Try asking the Lord into your life. I did many years ago and He has helped me and blessed me a lot. Start reading the Bible (New Testament first). Look for a good church with a teen group. Apologize to your sister. Break up with that guy immediately! 2 Corinthians 5:17 says "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature. Old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." You can have a new life as a Christian. God loves you and has a good plan for your life. Jesus died for your sins and rose again. Please read these Bible verses: Romans 10:13, Romans 5:8, Romans 3:23, John 3:16. I'll pray for you.

Answer 5

First off, there's always a second chance at everything. Yes, you can and you will get better. Everyone can change. Start by changing your ways and changing the way you think. Be a better person by doing good things. Although you might not be able to do everything at once, it's a process.

Everything takes time. To heal wounds, to be ready, and to change. Don't get discouraged by your past mistakes. The fact that you are able to acknowledge your faults is already a huge step.

Let your past fuel your drive to change. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Never be burdened by the past. One can only shape the present and look to the future.

Answer 6

Simple. Others won't forgive you until you forgive yourself. So, sit down and think long and hard about what it would take for you to be a better person. Make notes of your feelings. Repeat this a few times, and then compare all the notes you have written down. You will begin to see a pattern, just like a shrink would. Then, just realize that you are human, and try to change what is wrong with yourself. Forgiving is a penance, and the altering of your lifestyle is the way to make that penance happen for you. You already know where to start, you just need to do it!

Answer 7

You obviously are a better person or you wouldn't recognize that some of the things you have done were wrong. It is well known that the only way to learn anything, and the best way to mature, is through our mistakes. If we never make any mistakes - or if we aren't aware we have made them, we don't learn anything. Good can come from bad so don't dwell on what was wrong, but on the fact that you recognise it now. We are all capable of bad, and we are all capable of good.
You are good - I can tell just by what you've written. Now all you need to do is realize that yourself.

Those who are capable of the most good are those who have made the most mistakes.

Answer 8

Yes God will forgive you. He forgives murderers!!! BUT you have to ask Him for forgiveness and you have to STOP! The fact that you feel bad about what you've done is a very good sign. Some people just go along their merry way and never think about what their doing to others or doing to themselves. You need to pray for forgiveness and start hanging out with people who don't do these things (church is a good place to start). You have to cut all ties from anything to do with these things. Sadly, you have to cut all ties with the people who have anything to do with this as well. You can still love them and pray for them but you have to get away from them for your own good and never EVER look back. God forgave me and you don't even want to know the things I've done :)

Answer 9

The Lord Willl forgive you of anything all you have to do is ask for it. He loves you more then anybody ever wil. I am not saying that bad behavior is OK you will have to pay the consequences of your actions but that is all part of life.

None of us is perfect and we cannot cast a stone your way until we can be perfect and that will not happen in this life time. The hardest thing for you is to forgive yourself but please do so God will if you ask him to. Turn to the Lord for guidance he will show you the path you need to be on. There is nothing he cannot change and make it better. Let him.

Answer 10

You've made a start, you've admitted it. Thats started the water moving out and about. I suggest talking, now thats easier said than done. "How do I start a conversation?", "When do I say?", etc. I suggest thinking about it first. Write your thoughts down. Have a good clean look at how you really feel about each situation, and then find the people you need to talk to. If they really love you (which I sure they do), they have been waiting for you, go to them.