I am a 35yr old w/f who has never been married. I come from a complicated background.?

Question

I feel very unlovable. Every relationship I get into always ends on a sour note. Meeting the right guy is really what I want. I don't know what I am doing wrong. Maybe I just attract the wrong type of guy. I tried the dating online thing, but again, nothing has worked out. I am attractive, well kept, knowledgeable in many areas, and have a sarcastic sense of humor. I do try to keep that in check as not to chase people away. I don't want to hear, he is just around the corner. Stop looking, he will find you. Maybe it is just not the right time. I have a few single friends. Few being the key word. I have been a bridesmaid 7 times. I am so NOT gay. In fact in the bedroom, I am the queen of being a pleaser. I go the extra mile to make sure the guy gets anything and everything he wants. This often means I sacrifice my own needs. I just want to be in a relationship where I don't get taken advantage of or abused as I have been in the past. Looking for serious answers only.

Answer 1

This is going to sound totally ridiculous, but it changed my life. Read "The Rules" and as a nice follow up "Why Men Love Bitches". As an educated and intelligent woman, I was very embarrassed to be reading those books myself and would hide them in my bag when I went places. A very good friend of mine gave them to me after I came out of a very bad relationship and I can't tell you how thankful I am that she did!! They really just explain how men don't want a woman who doesn't value herself and is just a doormat. You may think you know that but they really go into detail, get them, read them, and let me know how it works out! Seriously, READ THEM!!

Answer 2

First, because you say you feel unlovable, you need to raise your self esteem. put as a man thinketh in your search engine an you can read that free. Second, you may be looking in the wrong places for the right guy. Try something different like perhaps a bowling league, if you are not in college perhaps take a few classes at night in a community college, or even see what there is around you where you can volunteer and perhaps get more friends that way. if you are religious, or perhaps even if you are not, try joining some of the activities at a local church to meet people and make friends that way
the more friends you make, the easier it is to find the right person. If you go to handwritingwizard.com you can learn how to tell the good from the bad from their handwriting and you may even make friends because you know how to do that. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Being a 38 w/m I can relate to you situation. Feelings of despair can easily make you less desirable to be around. I am often critical about myself when the truth is I am probably getting in my own way just by doubting myself. A defeatist mentality is the most direct path to failure.

I'm not sure what you mean by a complicated background so I am not sure what advice I can offer.

One thing is certain. If you are unhappy then you will likely make those around you unhappy as well. Try making it a point to smile at people you see and see how they react. You will begin to notice the change in your attitude as you see people react to you. Do you know the saying "you only get back what you put in"? If all your sharing of yourself is your discontent then discontent is all you will get back. If your positive and encouraging then so the world around you will be.

Answer 4

okey , let see , u have a great personlity , beauitful and the whole pact and still can't find a guy , that mean u have to be patient , look it not easy to find a guy that understand , u got to move in diferent path , meaning , live a normal life being u , stop going on date line , try something new, and u date again , rember to beware of hoe they are with u , no mattter how cute , they looks , because look are not important only personilty , u should know ,dating , marriage won't last with only look. look , don't feel sad , u will find someone , but be patient and choice wisely.

Answer 5

First of all, on behalf of all guys in the world, THANK YOU for being a pleaser in the bedroom!

Hmmm... Here's some questions you should ask yourself and perhaps someone who you trust that will tell you the honest truth...

Are you a half-glass full kind of person? Often complaining and negative.

Physically, are you fit? What's your height / weight ratio?

Mentally, are you stable? Do you have wild mood swings? Bi-polar?

Emotionally, are you extremely needy or extremely distant? Do you have a wall built up that prevents a guy in?

Are you too nice and not a challenge? A pushover?

Finally are you often approached in social situations? (i.e. grocery store, coffee shop, school, work, bars, etc). If not, there might be something physical unappealing. Or perhaps you have a dark aura that surrounds you.

Perhaps, your expectations are too high and you're shooting for guys out of your league.

Answer 6

The age difference is not big, but what about life experiences? I have a friend with 3 children who divorced after 18 years of marriage. She dated a guy a few years younger and he was nice, but WAY too young for her. He had never been married, never had children - he just seemed a TON younger than her. They did break up.

Answer 7

Have you thought about just letting the sarcasm out? There's no way you can keep that tendency in check for the duration of a lifetime and not go crazy, so why not just let it scare away the guys it's going to scare away and entertain the ones who are going to enjoy it? Show your whole personality from the start, and maybe you'll find it easier to assert yourself in other areas.

Answer 8

I know a woman who is 36 and a virgin and NEVER had a boyfriend.

I'd recommend some counseling to figure out how to find a better qualtiy of man. Maybe you're selling yourself short and going for guys you think are "in your league"? Maybe you need to raise your standards.

Answer 9

Well, I see your problem... you set yourself up to be abused. Relationships are give and take games! You always give and men see that and take advantadge of that. They will do this until you STOP! You are the problem. Allow yourself to be pleased and whatnot. Until you do that, men will get with you, sense that you are weak and take until they are doen with you. You need to change your ways and they'll change theirs!

Answer 10

Move to a new city or go travel for a while. Get out of your comfort zone, and meet new people. Be yourself completely when you meet someone and see who sticks around.