The trivial trust issues?

Question

I was cheated on by one of my ex's, and another one dumped me and went for my best friend instantly. I think that was the whole cause of my issues, but now, I can't cope.

My boyfriend and I fight over every little thing--he got fired from his work, and we got into a fight over how he could do better than where he works--he ended up saying he didn't need to support me because I don't live under his roof, and that he has a life. This, of course, hurt me, and I made the comment that, "Oh, I'm just a piece that can be cut off?" And he responded with, "I'm glad you got it right."
Because of my insecurities {feeling unattractive, etc} and my paranoia, I've found myself snooping through his mail and phone, etc. There's a girl down his street that's infatuated with him and shoves it right into my face that she could "get him again if she wanted to"--she had him a few times before, after all.
I don't know if I should consider therapy, or what? it's become so bad, that it's overtaken me.

I often find myself sitting through the day wondering where he is, what he's doing, if he's with someone else, etc. I don't know what to do--I love him dearly, breaking up is not an option! I've told him how I feel, and he told me I'm "obsessively over-protective", which was a knife to the heart.
Advice?

Answer 1

First thing: trust is never a trivial issue. You've been hurt, and you've had your trust violated which produced some of the reactions you're having now. That's one issue. Here's another truth, though: You cannot hold a guy accountable for crap another guy has done to you. All you'll do is end up poisoning this relationship too and defeating any chance you have at lasting happiness. (Snooping, by the way, violates HIS trust and privacy, and is a definite no no....this guy doesn't deserve that.) Also, this other girl claiming she can have him anytime she wants him is all well and good, but if being with her was all of that, he'd still be there instead of being with you. Therapy will help you to some extent,but not because something is wrong with you. You're wounded, and responding in the normal way someone who is wounded will respond. But the therapy is more for helping you not sabotage your own objectives by developing baggage...plus it is often better to have someone to talk to about stuff like this rather than your boyfriend. Boyfriends tend to take stuff like this too personally to help you past it (they'll rightly point out that "this was how they treated you, but it has nothing to do with me..."). Hang in there; better days are ahead. Good luck.