English Deutsch Français Italiano Español Português 繁體中文 Bahasa Indonesia Tiếng Việt ภาษาไทย
All categories

i have a friend who used to have a horrible life. her ex-boyfriend would always hit her, none of her other friends really liked her, her parents died in a car crash and the foster parents she was living with were horrible. they treat her like crap and lowered her self-esteem so much that she actually considers herself "an embarrasment" when she is really the most amazing girl i have ever met. they even beat her and.... other stuff that she told me about in confidence so i'm not going to say it here
a couple months ago i was over at her house and i saw her dad hit her and i got so pissed off i mad her pack some cloths and come stay with me. now she sleeps in my room and i'm on the couch
almost every night since then we've stayed up and talked, sometimes for hours, and usually about her life. a lot of times it ends up with her crying on my shoulder, and more often than not i stay with her in my room until she falls asleep in my arms

2007-10-19 14:00:04 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

she is only 13 and i am 16 so i think i'm just a little too old to be in a real relationship with her, and i do all of that because i love her, as a friend....... and maybe a little more
but i just think that she thinks things are more serious between us than they are
everyday when i come home from work she is waiting in the driveway with a hug and a kiss on the cheek
she spends almost all of her time with me....... and you could understand better if you could see the way she acts around me

i just need to know what i should do
i dont want to tell her that we cant be in a relationship because she might stop talking to me about her problems, and i can see that doing that really helps her
but i think i'm too old for her

2007-10-19 14:00:32 · update #1

she wont let me do anything about it
she says if i call the cops on her she will hate me forever

2007-10-19 14:13:02 · update #2

i mean on her parents

2007-10-19 14:13:13 · update #3

yes my parents know about it and they are letting her stay
how is that not something you people could have just assumed?

2007-10-21 13:19:36 · update #4

26 answers

You sound like the sweetest guy ever. I would so go out with you. Well neways I'm very sorry for the girl truely sorry. Just show her you love her and tell her that you love her like a sister not a girlfriend. She'll understand and won't hate you, Just talk to her and make her feel better. Always be there for her and when she gets older than maybe yeah you can be in a relationship. Just don't ever leave her and hug her make her feel like if you are her big brother cause you are sure acting like that.

2007-10-20 09:25:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

3 years difference is Ok, it is no difference at all.
But 16 and 13 is not OK.
You need to get some help happening and if you like you can look at getting serious in a year or two.
Some will be upset that I said this but many marriages with the woman about 17 and the boy 20 last lifetimes, often better than more mature ones do. I grew up when most women got married even earlier, like 16.
So maybe you should look at her as a possible *future* wife and both of you work towards your education and the future.

2007-10-20 09:27:54 · answer #2 · answered by Y!A-FOOL 5 · 1 0

Hi Steven,

First of all let me start by saying you have got to be the nicest guy I have ever heard of. Anybody who would do that is really rare in this world.

I feel so bad for that poor girl, you did exactly what you should do. Hitting is wrong, (even if it's legal to have corpal punishment) but I'm guessing what you are talking about is her getting hit for doing nothing, which is abuse so you did the right thing.

Now it's possible that he may call the police when (if ever) he wants her to come back. When/if that happens tell them why you did what you did and they will do what is right.

You say she hugs and kisses you every time you come home? That's so sweet! She is doing that because she loves you right now and knows you love her, not in a kissy way, but in a way that you care for her so much. You are the only person (other than her parents which are dead) that cares for her, which is why she loves you so much, she sees you as her brother.

You should act like her brother because now you are all she has. If she does really love you, then go with it, three years isn't too much of a difference.

Keep letting her talk to you because that's what she needs.

Tell her if she ever needs another friend, that she can email me, I check my email every day.

God bless you!

2007-10-20 15:24:53 · answer #3 · answered by a person whos cool like that 3 · 2 0

WHOA!!!!!!!!!!

Do her parents know where she is? I dont mean to get all whatever on you, but you do know that you can be charged with kidnapping or aiding a runaway if they decide to be vindictive and hateful.

But you probably don't care about that. I don't blame you, I think you're wonderful. I just thought i should inform you.

Anyway, unless she brings it up, there is no need to say anything about not being able to be in a relationship with her. Though unless there is some other reason, there is no reason why you can't be in a realtionship with her. I once dated a guy who was three years younger than me. He was exceptionally mature and a really great guy.

In his words, "Love doesn't care about the law, it cares about each other."

Just be her friend, she needs you right now. I know what its like to be in foster care and have people not care about you. Please, if she says or does anything you don't understand, I'd be more than happy to give you more advice, jsut send me an e-mail. I'm no expert, but I've been there. Okay? good luck.

2007-10-20 08:52:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

omg. wow. first i really want to say you are a very nice person. u are one of the rare ones. and trust me when i say this. not many people do this for other people. it's great that you are letting her stay at ur house and beign such a good friend to her. coz i mean if it would have been someone else, idk what they might have done to her. well anyways after all this abuse and torture that she has gone through i think all she needs is someone who will listen to her, talk to her, love her (in a general way) and just be with her to share the pains of her life. well u are making her life fairly easy and that's very good. 16 is not too old for a girl who is 13. if u don't have any wrong intentions, i think u should go for it. but if u don't want to, i think let her know that but still be friends and continue with wat u are doing. she might be a lil upset and act weird after u tell her that but after a while she'll be fine. hopefully. but try to explain her that and convince her on ur friendship. by the way where are your parents in all of this? and i think u guys should talk about getting an official into this matter. like if u guys agree on. but if it's fine with you and u think u can go on with this for a long time. i think it's fine the way it is. but yeah it must be hard at times. but you are on the right path. keep it up. u are an amazing person.

2007-10-20 08:33:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Since you are both under age, I am assuming your parents are at least acquiescing in this arrangement. Talk it over with them, and tell them honestly that you don't know what to do.

You don't want to hurt her, she trusts you, so you are being a gentleman and not pushing her into a sexual relationship, ARE YOU? Maybe if your parents can be her foster parents, so that it's legal for her to stay, you will be like a big brother to her.

Do remember, however, that you do not want to damage her trust in you, and let the relationship remain like brother and sister for now. Once you are older, who knows? Time will tell. If you behave in a gentlemanly manner, you may have very big rewards later. If not from her, then perhaps from the circumstances that come from having a younger "sister" around the house.

2007-10-21 12:51:29 · answer #6 · answered by auntb93 7 · 0 0

Dude no way are you to old for her when you are younger and still in school 3 years seems like a very long time, trust me three years age difference is nothing I know alot of happliy married people with 5-10 years age difference they actually seem to be the happiest married people I know and all the old timers I know that have been together for 30-40+ years seem to have a large age gap too. So age difference aside you need to determine how you really feel about her as a person and it sound to me like you really do care for her. You should not base your decisions on what may seem to be socialy acceptible at your age you will see in due time how much that all changes the things you find important now you may even laugh at in a couple of years from now. The only real issues I see are on a legal statutory level. Let me explain, in a couple of years from now you will be 18 and she will be 15 and this could get a little sticky. You see it is illegal in most if not all states for you to be intimate with her in any way. I have heard of a guy in my area being arrested for haveing a girl in his car after a certain time of niight without her parents consent, It all depends on how hard her legal guardians want to push the issue. It would really suck to see you have a statutory rape charge or anything indecent on your record at such a young age because unfortunately your criminal record won't show all of the circumstances leadinf to the charge , only the charge . then you will have to file as a sex offender for the rest of your life. I don't want to go into detail on that because that is a whole different story. Wow the more I sit hear and write this the more I think you are in a pickle! Looks like you really truely have good intentions but they may turn and bite you in the butt in the end there may be a local hotline in your area for abuse that you can contact or even a priest at a church that could help get you some answers on how to protect this young lady, whitout digging yourself into a hole. I hate to involve them but even at this point possibly the department of social services. There is also another underlying issue here if you have witness abuse or even know about further abuses undisclosed to us you need to let the proper authorities know so they can stop him from ever abusing another inocent girl. Scum like that need to be put away. I don't know how you could go about that without further traumatizing her I am not a cop or social worker but seems like you need help that you are not going to get just here on this site. Good Luck and God Bless.

2007-10-20 16:05:31 · answer #7 · answered by skeeter 2 · 0 0

you r a great guy to let her stay with you. she depends on u completely but she has a lot of problems that you can't solve by yourself. let her stay with u for a while because it isn't so safe at her house. call the adoption agency or get help (besides the cops). i think you should just wait, dont tell her that you cant be in a relationship (you might end up being in one) but just tell her that for now u dont want to ruin what u have going on. she may be younger than u but it really shouldn't matter that much. No matter what, u r there for her and treating her perfectly. u r doing something reallly graet for her. Y cant there b more guys like u?

2007-10-20 11:12:18 · answer #8 · answered by ♥manni♥ 2 · 1 0

You asked me to answer this question and so I will:

EXCUSE ME??
Dear - where are YOUR parents?? you are only 16? Give your head a shake. if you are on your own you have NO BUSINESS taking in a 13 year old girl. She needs to go to the authorities immediately and get some help and counselling. You might think you are doing the right thing but you are both still children! If you love her you will do this NOW and take her wrath as it comes. It's for her own good...

There isn't any way this situation makes sense and I'm shocked and dismayed that there are people here that are giving you the advice they are.
Get some help please - right NOW!

2007-10-21 12:44:47 · answer #9 · answered by Ramjet 5 · 1 0

You don't need to tell her you cannot be in a serious relationships with her, that would be "Volunteering information", You yourself are too young to be in a serious relationship. I would suggest for you to handle it the way you are doing it now. If she has been abused in every possible way, she would think that that is what she wants or needs. She only needs a great friend like you.
Let time go by, who knows, 5 years From now you might end up marrying her.

Only time can tell. Stay away from trouble.

2007-10-19 14:14:56 · answer #10 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 3 0

fedest.com, questions and answers