If God gave us "free will" why don't parents do it also?

Question

Okay basically I'm friggen p1ssed. My parents well my mom is an overly obsessed jesus freak and I go pregnant. I'm 14. I'm 8 weeks and finally got the guts to tell them and she acted like a complete and total @$$!!! It makes me want to lean towards abortion almost. I kind of want to keep the baby but I want to weigh my options out carefully because I actually want a succesful future. I'm more agnostic then Christian okay I'm not Christian. Still exploring other religions. She even bought a bunch of baby clothes to try an "seal the deal" I feel so guilty. Why don't they let it stay between us and God instead then? Total hypocrites!

Answer 1

Your parents love you ... there's just NO way you can get around that fact. You might not feel that right now, and you might think that they're just wrapped up in their own feelings, but if you really think about it, you'll see the truth in what I just said. Of course they freaked! They got hit with this all of a sudden, with little time to digest it. But I think buying the baby clothes is their way of trying to deal with it. They want what's best for you ... and they want your baby to be as much a part of their lives as you are. I don't think they're buying the baby clothes to spite you ... uh-uh ... I think they're preparing for the day when that baby's gonna need it. (After all ... he/she is gonna be here before you know it. HA!!! The baby's gonna look pretty necked without clothes)!

Things SHOULD be discussed. Your parents are doing what they think is right, and probably don't even know how you're feeling. If I were you, I'd try to find a moment and request that the three of you sit down and try to discuss these issues. I don't think it would hurt. It might be hard at first, but just remember that's it's not always gonna be this bad. You're 14; you still have high school and college to get to ... as well as the rest of your life! It'll get better, I promise you.

'Jesus freak' is kinda harsh. Of course, I don't know what's going on in your family, so I can't really comment on what your mom is really like. I DO know that 'Jesus freak' implies that she's overly obsessed with religion to the point that everything else overrides her common sense. If that's true ... you have my deepest sympathy! There's Christianity ... and then there's religion ... I don't think they mix well at all. Christians can be religious, but not all religious people are Christians ... if you know what I mean. Christianity has its high points, and it also has its low points. If you want to know more, the Bible is a great beginning source! Nothing's wrong with exploring other religions, though. I'm Christian through and through, but I don't consider Christianity a religion ... Christianity is a belief in Christ as the Son of God. I won't even try to push Christianity on you, but I do strongly recommend that you (at least) not close off the possibility just because you resent what's going on with your parents (your mom in particular).

Don't feel so guilty! Don't beat yourself up over something you can't change! Like I said, you have your whole life ahead of you ... so just go forward from here! Please ... give those folks a chance! A LOT of families go through this, so you're NOT the only one! When it comes right down to it, your parents are probably gonna be there for you when nobody else will be. They'll have your back when everybody else are gonna wanna STAB you in it!! Hell yeah, they'll be disappointed ... but the point is, they won't turn you out or cut you off (like a lot of parents do to their kids when they're disappointed). Respect their beliefs (knowing that they are older and probably know a little more than you do) ... love them ... and don't waste another precious second of your life in resentment. Life's too short. We can be here today, and gone tomorrow!

I think you're gonna make the right decisions ... I really do. You all deserve SO MUCH MORE out of life! I'm gonna leave you with a little prayer that I learned when I was really small. I don't know if you've ever heard it, or even read it before ... but it's really beautiful, and if you read it and commit it to heart, you might even find some peace in it ...

SERENITY
God grant me the serenity -
to accept the things I cannot change
Courage, to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference ...
- St. Frances of Assisi

Good luck to y'all ... and God Bless!!!

Answer 2

I'll address your issues one at a time.

1) You knew your mom would be upset about the pregnancy. It wouldn't have taken you so long to spill the news if you thought it would be cause for a family celebration.

2) Weigh your options all you want -- the clock is ticking and I suspect you'll be thinking yourself into having a baby as the window to get an abortion is quickly closing.

3) You need guidance to make a good decision. The 14 year old with common sense is not pregnant. The 14 year old with good decision making skills is not having sex.

4) Your parents have emotions attached to all this as well. Remember, you are pregnant with their grandchild.

5) Money talks BS walks -- you're asking someone else to literally pay the bills for your ba$tard child. I know it's harsh but that's the bottom line. When you ask someone else to put-up the cash, you pay the price of having to follow their mandates.

6) Biblically, parents are responsible for you until you reach 'the age of accountability'. Your actions, thus far, show you are not able to take personal responsibility for your behavior much less gracefully suffer the consequences for it.

Sounds like your mother is making the best of a difficult situation that is entirely your fault. How about showing some understanding instead of playing the brat for a change?

Answer 3

okay girl, your 14 and i know at 14 because I have a 14year old daughter and I am a christian. I would freak out too if my girl came home pregnant, because that is not what I want for her. I would eventually except it. Your only 14 right now and abortion may seem like an easy answer, but you will regret it when you get older . Especially if you eventually up believing in God. Why do young girls think they should have sex, when you are too young to handle the responsilites that come along with it. Are you going to have an abortiion if you end up pregnant again? You weren't responsilble enough to use protection. Your mom will eventually come around, because she knows she has no choice and now there is a baby involved.If she loves Jesus she is probably doing a lot of praying for you. You basically are a baby having a baby, but doing things that are for two married adult. I guarantee you the father of that baby will not be around long. You will be the one up all night and taking care of that baby. He'll be doing what he wants with whoever he wants.Think about your actions there are consequences. I bet your mom feel bad and is wondering what she did wrong and wishing she knew where you were when all this happened. She probably trusted you and didn't think you would end up like this. Love and sincere Prayers.

Answer 4

It doesn't take a religious fanatic mother to freak out over a 14 year old daughter pregnant. OMG!!! I would freak out if my 14 year old was pregnant also -- that is insane!!!! I didn't have sex until I was 16 and NOW I still think that was too young. If you lay with a man, you had better know that you must be able to live with the circumstances and LIVE UP TO THEM. You can not possibly raise and take care of a baby. What you have done is make it so that your parents have to be a parent AGAIN!! Don't say it won't happen because it WILL HAPPEN. They will be required to take care of this baby -- including financially because YOU won't be able to and I'm pretty sure that by the time your baby is here, the daddy will have disappeared. Don't get pissed at them. YOU need to think about what the truth is right now. This IS the truth.

Answer 5

Your parents are the ones responsible for you, your actions and your wellbeing. This is why they they are so concerned about you and tell you what to do... they love you very much.

My advice is to talk to your school counsellor, chaplin, youth leader, as well as any family planning centres or youth centres. There are hotlines you can ring also. Your parents, although you think they might not understand, they have been through alot of things in their lives, and DO have a wealth of knowledge, and they have a vested interest in your (and the baby's) wellbeing. Ultimately it is your decision (although I am personally against abortion), and it is a life changing decision, whatever you choose. I am a mum of two small children (I had my son at 19) and I know it is hard to be a young mum, and at 14 the problems are magnified. I met a young mum who had her baby at 14 years old at a course I went to to become a co-facilitator of an abuse prevention course. She was one of the best mum's there.

My point is that things will be hard whether you keep the baby or not, but there will always be support for you. If you need to talk, please email without hesitation.

Take care, God bless

Answer 6

Ultimately the decision is yours..

Remember there are actually 3 options not 2 (abortion, adoption and keeping) Weigh them all a very productive way to do this is writig down the pros and cons of each option..


I have had an abortion, placed a child up for adoption and been a teenage mother (not in that order) Each option carrys with it pros and cons... Be brutally honest with yourself the right decision for you will show it self pretty quickly...

Once you have decided on the option that's best for you tell your parents what you have decided and follow through with your decision..

I would like to be able to tell you that one option is so much better than another but I can't do that as I am not living your life... All I can tell you for sure is when you find the right option for you, you will know it...

Also remember abortion is only legal through the 12th week so that gives you 4 weeks to either choose or rule out that option...

Answer 7

The reason your mom is acting this way is because of your age. God gave humans free will, the problem is that many people lack common sense to use it correctly. Common sense would have told you that you have the free will to have sex, but should have used a condom or protection.

Remember that a baby isn't something you can play with and then put back on the shelf for later. It is a minimum 18 year commitment of buy food, clothing, shelter, and so on. At 14 you have really limited yourself in life.

Just remember from now on anytime you want to go and do something you need to find a babysitter.

Answer 8

At 14 your body is to young to be having a baby. That is a good reason why the schools want to hand out birth control pills. If your sexually active that is what you need to do so this doesn't come up. But right now you going to completely change your life or your parents who will most likely be raiseing your child and you will have very little to say about how they do it. Weigh our options, can you take care of a baby full time job by the way and they cry constantly. They are like a leaking vessel you dumb milk in and water comes out. This goes on 24 hours a day.
Where is this baby going to stay while your in school?
so your a school drop out? So where are you going to work the rest of your life to support yourself? What you make at min. wage will barely pay your baby sitter.
so bottom line get use to your parents harrasseing you. Your not leaving when you get out of high school or go to college or trade school. Your stuck the rest of your life or for the next 18 years in their house, under their house rules. Now that you got pregnant once they will be after you constantly. don't you do that to me again.
You really blew it and there is no easy solution.

Answer 9

If my 14 year old CHILD came and told me she had gotten pregnant, I'd be totally "@$$!!" too.

What you need to do now is NOT weigh "your" options, but weight the baby's options. Keeping your child at your age, unmarried and having this obviously animosity toward your mother is definitely NOT the kind of atmosphere you would want to bring a baby into. It's not mature, and it's not healthy.

The BEST thing for any child is a healthy stable, loving home with a father and a mother and a great support system.

It's NOT between you and God, dear.....it's NOT about you anymore. It's about someone else's life, and sometimes doing the best thing for someone else is NOT doing what YOU want.

I wish you the best.

Answer 10

Take a step back, and go get yourself some good, Godly counsel, although you may be against it. This forum is no place to be facing the decisions you're faced with at this point in your life. Just so your parents aren't the only ones saying it, you don't know everything at 14, and also at 14 you do not have the emotional, spiritual or mental capacity to even be having sex or even more importantly, to be going through this alone. I'm sorry but this is the truth of the matter.