I have made a huge mistake:(. I got to know the sweetest girl who is the fiancee of my future brother in law. I knew it right away that I wanted her to be my maid of honour even though I known her for only like 5 months.
However, I was advised that I should think about choosing my best friend instead who I known for years. Of course that made sense to me so I did ask her. But when I did, it just did not feel right...its weird. I explained to her what it meant to be a maid of honour (stagette etc) and told her its ok if she wants to wait with her answer since she is graduating around that time. Now, she is thinking about it. I know the first girl wouldn't even think about that....
How on Earth could I ask the first girl now? I was always so careful to make sure everybody is happy and now I made a huge mess. Please advise me what can I tell her now? I feel so terrible:'(I don't want to hurt either but I don't want to regret anything either.
2007-10-19 12:50:53 · 22 answers · asked by jj 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
First of all thank you all very much for your advise!
I am not sure if I explained it well, but the problem is that after asking my bff to be my maid of honour, I had the feeling I made a mistake asking her.
Now, I rather have my original choice who is my sister-in-law to be. So this is harder now. Its kind of taking it back from my bff which is so rude but cannot help it. I just don't want her to be the maid of honour anymore especially because the way she reacted. Im so bad:(
2007-10-19 16:10:25 · update #1
You can have two maids of honor. There is no rule saying you can't.
Once you ask someone to be in your wedding party or to be MOH, you absolutely cannot "un-ask" them. That would be terribly rude.
You cannot require or request that they throw stagette parties or showers for you, though. You only get a party like that if someone VOLUNTEERS to throw you one.
2007-10-19 17:37:28 · answer #1 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Isnt your bff still thinking about it? If so, just go tell her that you realized that her graduation is going to take all of her effort and you would hate to be tearing her away from her final exams to help you write invites. Just be really sympathetic to the fact that graduating really IS the most important thing in her life at that time. Then explain to her that as such you should never ask her to be a maid of honor but since she has always meant so much to you, you would appreciate it if she would be a bridesmaid.
Obviously if she is still thinking about it, she is very worried about hurting your feelings but she knows she can't be 100% there when she is so focused on her finals, term papers, and on graduation. Not to mention interviews and applying for jobs.
As she has to think about it, it seems to me your best friend is scared of hurting YOUR feelings and you aren't telling her you don't want her to be your moh because you are afraid of hurting HER feelings--but in the end you both want the same thing.
Just be honest with her. I bet you she will be glad you don't need her.
2007-10-19 13:10:09 · answer #2 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 4⤊ 2⤋
its your wedding and its a HONOR to be asked to be the Maid of HONOR! With that being said, being a Maid of Honor is a HUGE responsibility that your friend who will just be graduating may not be capable of handling. Its not her fault and it does not make her a bad friend or your a bad person for asking her. I would suggest talking to your friend and telling her that you understand if she will not be financially ready to do such a a huge job-it can be very costly to be the Maid of Honor.
You have already asked one girl whom you believe may turn down your request, for reasons that could be very valid which is why she needs to think about taking on what you've asked. You can have two you know-its ok to ask them both. If the one you are less comfortable with declines your offer then great.
Stop worrying about everyone else's feelings-its your wedding and you have the final say in every part of it. Just remember if your friend declines, its not to hurt you so do your self a favor and be prepared and not offended! She is your friend and loves you, be happy that she will just attend your wedding to share that day with you. As for your FSIL, be honest with her I'm she'll be ok with whatever you decide since you have ONLY known her 5 months.
2007-10-19 13:42:14 · answer #3 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Just have two maids of honor explain to them both (say have a girls night) why you picked the both of them and tell them it is to cut down on their stresses they are dealing with at the time of your wedding...and really really want them both because they mean a lot to you and for different reasons...don't over analyze and don't fill yourself with regret...
2007-10-19 14:29:50 · answer #4 · answered by Catherine A 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
My cousin was married last summer and had 2 maids of honor. Why don't you just have 2.
2007-10-19 14:19:28 · answer #5 · answered by stinky4sam 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Just tell the truth. Choose the one you want to be your maid of honor.
2007-10-19 12:57:33 · answer #6 · answered by darkdiva 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I would suggest that you make the first girl you asked make a very quick decision on the spot, just after reiterating all of the requirements and duties, it will get her nervous and she will back down, giving you the option of asking the other girl.
good luck, and congrats!
2007-10-19 12:55:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have two maid of honors. This way you don't hurt anyone else's feelings.
2007-10-19 13:02:15 · answer #8 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
hey this is your time not theres do what feels right your other friend can be the other bridesmaid you dont have to have a maid of honor
- whatever you choose goodluck!
2007-10-19 12:55:31 · answer #9 · answered by Twilight182 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You can have two maids of honor. They can share the responsibilities.
2007-10-19 13:03:25 · answer #10 · answered by Suz123 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋