So, I'm 25 , my fiancee is 29. We've been together for 21/2 years and we're both professionals. I still live with my parents. After I announced my engagement my father got so mad that I am getting married that he barely talks to me. The rest of my family approves, but it's like a tabu to talk about my wedding at home and it's like nobody can participate in my wedding because my father doesn't approve. He still hasn't given me a good reason why. He's a very jealous guy, and I know its just that he doedn't want to let go. But he's a wall, and would NEVER listen. What should I do? This is totally ruining my wedding :(
2007-10-19 10:20:26 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Here's an idea....move out of your parent's house! If you are 25 years old and a "professional", then you need to show your parents (and yourself) that you are responsible enough to get married.
Good luck.
2007-10-19 10:36:36 · answer #1 · answered by kiki 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
he's an adult, so you can't MAKE him talk to you. just as he can't make you call off the wedding. the first problem is that you still live with your parents. as long as you are dependent on them for things, he will be able to pull these little stunts. he is probably giving you the silent treatment to manipulate you into caving under the pressure. if you honestly feel that he is jealous of your bf (which is odd), then he has an unhealthy attachment to you anyway. i'm not saying anything about incest or anything, just that he has crossed the line of appropriate father/daughter feelings. it would be like your grandfather being jealous of your dad. that's not a normal/rational feeling.
it also doesn't matter if the rest of the family agrees with your decision or not. make the decision that is right for you and your fiance. stop looking for approval from mommy & daddy and get ready to be a full-fledged adult. so, either cave to your father's manipulation OR stand firm, prepare to move out (even if that means living with a friend until the wedding), and grow up. btw, moving in with the bf will only cause more drama. split the rent with a friend who already has an apartment. that way, you won't have to sign a year lease.
2007-10-19 17:29:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A few things:
1 - does your family talk about the wedding at all or just not around your dad? I'm assuming this is a power issue that has surfaced around other areas of your family life. Few of us (your mom / siblings) will let one person (your dad) have all the power unless it's a systems problem that has been going on our whole lives.
2 - what does happen when you talk about the wedding?
3 - what's the worst thing that could happen if you talk about the wedding?
4 - what's the BEST thing that could happen if you DON'T talk about the wedding?
I strongly encourage you to get premarital counseling. Your fiance must be suffering in his inability to help you cope (since he's even more powerless than you) and his inability to get to know his FIL or your family. This issue with your father has major family of origin issues for your family and premarital counseling can help you and your fiance understand how your family history will impact your marital relationship.
I am so sorry this is happening!
Feel free to email me!
2007-10-19 21:25:38 · answer #3 · answered by Elizabeth-TheFirstDance 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first, Ive got to say why are you 25, professional and still living with your parents? Is this because of your father being so overbearing?- not saying this in a mean way at all....
Second, Ireally think that you may even have a hard time trying to do things on your own bc you may feel you have to please your dad. You should just let him come around to you. It seems so hard now bc you've probably never upset him this much. In his defense he's probably just looking out for his little girl and you know how fathers are. No one's ever good enough. So just give him space, don't try to force him to talk. He'll come around own his own once he's thought about it.
2007-10-19 19:06:01 · answer #4 · answered by LOVE BEING A MOMMY 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ignore him. He's jealous and is throwing a temper tantrum trying to guilt you into whatever he feels he wants you to do.
I'm sorry to hear he is being like this. Are you an only child? He could be dealing with his only little girl getting married and moving away.
Like someone said, let mom deal with him. If he can't give you a good reason why, then don't sweat it.
2007-10-19 17:32:05 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him some more time to cool and then try inviting him to dinner. Just the two of you and see if he opens up. Maybe he is hurt that your fiancee didn't do the traditional thing and ask your fathers permission to marry you before he asked you. Just a thought ...
2007-10-19 17:25:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Daddy is very overprotective and I think he feels that you are leaving him (a.k.a. not his little girl anymore). Maybe you can reserve a weekend just you and him to spend some quality time together and commmunicate with each other. Let him talk about how he feels about you leaving (getting marry) him. Your job is to reassure him thats not going to happen. Congrats and Have a happy wedding!
2007-10-19 17:27:51 · answer #7 · answered by mycorollababy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's a major control freak! Just ignore him and go about your business as normal. It's your life to live, not his, so all decisions should be yours alone. And you're certainly old enough to be making this decision! He will most likely realize how dumb he's being about it and come around again.
2007-10-19 17:29:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, you can never make someone talk to you. If they are mad, they need time and space to cool down and get hteir thoughts straight. Have your mom say a few encouraging words, then try to talk to him about it. Ask him why he is upset or angry. Good Luck
2007-10-19 20:38:47 · answer #9 · answered by Danielle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would ask him to give you one good reason why he doesn't approve! But it is still up to you about you getting married. If he still being a baby then I would go about my busy! Good Luck!
2007-10-19 17:27:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋