How can i help my friends problem child?

Question

My friend has a daughter who's 8 years old. she has problems in school following the teachers orders, beating other children, paying attention, etc.... She's been kicked out of one of my favorite childhood teachers class for being a menace. The sweetest teacher too!

At home she throws fits alot. Doesn't follow moms orders. They've been taking her to therapy for the past 3 years but she doesnt talk! They don't know whats wrong w/ her. They diagnosed some sort of A.D.D. case on her but nothings been solved.

I question moms +/- reinforcements and punishments. I don't think she's going through w/ punishments all the way. I watched her yesterday for 2 hours and no joke i wanted to do terrible things to her with a bat. Its awful. im not even a violent person. she doesn't listen, dosn't follow orders, pushes buttons for humor. I swear she's evil. I feel bad for this kid. I wanna help her but i dont know what to do.

Answer 1

Get on your knees look her in the eye, and say clamly and very slowly, what you want her to do. Make sure she's calmed down. Don't scream, because it you lose your temper, she loses hers. Maybe that's the problem, the parents get too overwhelemed and they start to scream. Make sure you set a good example to her. Try being her friend and tell her what's good and what's not good for her. She'll thank you when she's 19.

Answer 2

Well, a lot of children are suddenly "diagnosed" with A.D.D. It's mostly a reason for you not to discipline your children.

You said so yourself, you don't think her parents are following through on the discipline. That's the problem there. You have to be consistant with whatever discipline method you use (grounding, time outs, spanking, etc.). If you say you're going to do something, then do it the next time the child disobeys you. I think the worst thing a parent does is warn their child, and then count to three (or ten). I'm not saying your friends do that, but a lot of parents do that.

In reality, there isn't much you can do because you aren't the parent. Sad, but true. Unless someone gives you permission ,you're pretty much screwed. If you don't have permission, then try and convince the parents to discipline their daughter, before she becomes a teenager and is cussing them out every breath and doing anything she wants when she wants, because her parents have REALLY lost control over her then.

Good luck.

Answer 3

The buddy is in denial. The law enforcement officers have been pronounced as so there exchange right into a checklist made and different buddies additionally witnessed it mom purely doesnt want to have faith her toddlers might try this so as a exchange you are the undesirable guy. If she is a real buddy then take a seat down together with her and tell her which you do not want this to return between your friendship yet you observed what you observed and he or she desires to call the police if she needs an elementary opinion because of the fact what they put in a checklist is what THEY observed. If it occurs back purely permit somebody else call the regulation and stay out of it, if it occurs adequate then she would be able to comprehend her angels arent so ideal.

Answer 4

I kind of agree with the first answer that she's not your kid so it's not really your place to help her, BUT maybe her parents don't realize just how bad of a child she is and how many problems she is causing. I think a good friend would point out (nicely) that "Hey, I know you're doing the best you can but maybe it's time you try something else here."

Why is she in therapy? In my opinion, that might be something that's causing this. She's probably not a stupid girl and she probably gets that therapy is for people with problems. Maybe she feels like she has problems because she's in therapy when in reality she doesn't have any.

Of course a major part in this is probably the lack of discipline so that needs to be fixed as well.

As for her being ADD--I can't say whether I believe that or not. Not because I think you're lying, but just because I think too many doctors diagnose kids as ADD/ADHD these days. Just because a kid is loud and obnoxious and runs around alot doesn't mean they are ADD, especially a kid her age.

All in all, it's too bad you're not her parent because it sounds like you are the only one who truly wants to fix this problem. All you can do is bring it up with her parents and hope they take your advice.

Answer 5

She's not your kid, and unless Mom asks for help, you're not in the picture.

That sounds like ADHD, and the way I felt about my son at age 8. She also shows signs of neglect, feeling any reaction from Mom is better than no attention at all. And when she's good, Mom ignores her.

She doesn't need a therapist. She needs a psychiatrist who specializes in children. The following is a site where your friend can go for all the information and links she will need to get her family back on track. She'll also be able to find a dr. in her area. www.nami.org

TX Mom

Answer 6

Primo, that little girl prabably has ADHD. She must have eaten food that thrown her out of balance. I have a son who had problems like that. I've been very bad to him, not knowing he has ADHD. That little girl may even have bipolar disorders. She can't help it. Her mind is not functioning correctly that she sees the world like a very confusing puzzle. She can't control her thoughts and herself. She also cannot hear you. Her attention is disrupted, and even her senses are confused.
Please be very patient with her. Take her to a DEVELOPMENTAL PEDIATRICIAN and have her diagnosed. It may just be a little bit expensive, but it will be worth it. Also tell your friend to do extensive researches on that issue ( ADHD, BIPOLAR, HYPEREACTIVITY). For the meanwhile, please ask your friend to stop giving her chocolates, sugary sweet products, junk foods, and other canned or preserved products because it will greatly affect the chemical imbalance in her body.
Give her fish, fruits and veggies. My son takes omega-3 supplements and it helped him a lot.

Answer 7

You can not help and keep the friendship healthy. If you tell the parent how she should do it you will ruin your relationship. If you do not think she is a good parent then is she a good person to be friends with? I base a persons character, not entirely, on if a person is a good parent. If they are a bad parent I will usually stay away from them when they are w/ their kids, or I will not be friends w/ them at all. How a person treats their kids or other people speaks loads of their character

Answer 8

First, your comment about wanting to do terrible things to her with a bat makes me think that you are definitely not fit to be watching this child.
Second, it is not your place. Unless the mother specifically asks you for help, you need to stay out of it. She is not your child. You need to spend more time just being friends with the mother than picking apart her parenting habits and trying to figure out how you can make things better. Its none of your business!

Answer 9

Quite frankly, it's none of your business. From what you've described, they are trying to get her some help.

If she has been diagnosed with behavioural/developmental issues, it's not as easy as just being consistent with discipline. Sounds like you're providing an oversimplified solution to a complicated problem.

Answer 10

i know some one's kid who was like this. is what they did is take away diary and grain form there food. it helped them alot. since this isn't your child i would say talk to her. tell her if there is any thing you can do for her that she can come to you. tell her mom how you feel. tell the parents that they need to talk to there doctor. they need to go some help.

i wish the best.