me and my mother and brother moved near to my grandparent house after my dads suicide, after that we went through a very hard time we didnt have any money and my mother couldnt find a job.
my gradparent dont know theyre limitations and but into everything my granfathers doesnt know better and does what he wants and my mothers house even though she tells him not to. .. he doesnt listen and does whateva he wants
the other day my grandparent told strangers at the church our whole life story and now they call us and want to visit us and everything
while everything went so bad my mother leaned on me and i fixed everything . . when i heard what my grandparents did i got enraged i dont want those people to visit and i want to protect my mother . . . and i now want nothing to do with my grandparent. . . i feel so bad for my mother cos shes so lonely and i cant fix it. . . my mother and father truly were soulmates..
pls help me and give me advice i dont know what to think
thanx
2007-10-19 08:59:09 · 8 answers · asked by lucyinthesky5473 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Get your mother to join a bereavement group. She can meet people in her same situation who can help her get back on her feet. She also might make some friends there. Meanwhile tell those people coming around if they dont stop you will get a restraining order against them for harassment.
2007-10-19 10:11:15 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi hon, i'm so sorry for your loss and your mother's pain and lonliness.
I'm sure your father's death was very difficult on everyone, and still is...
Your mother will heal in time, i'm sure. Right now she's grieving and so are you. You can be supportive of her, but you are right, you can not fix her problems.
There are grief support groups available in many communities and on line. You can do a yahoo search for these, as well. You could also search for Suicide Survivors. Maybe chatting and posting in forums on line with others who have had the same experiences, can help, even in some small way.
The people from the church who want to visit, are only trying to offer some support and help. Please don't get enraged... ask your mother what SHE would like, and if she doesn't want visitors, she can tell these people thanks, but no visitors... it's not that hard.
Your grandparents probably mean well. You didn't say what they are doing.
Please look into some grief support, on line or in your community. And sometimes therapy does not hurt either. Something to suggest to your Mom, too. And if you find some websites, perhaps they would be helpful for you both?
hugs
2007-10-19 09:48:55 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but a lot of what you've written is unclear. Your second paragraph, for instance.
You are taking on WAY too much. You've all been going through a lot, and professional help in coping with all of this is in order.
Were your grandparents' just trying to help, when they told all this to their church people? Or were they seeking support themselves?
Anyway, just because someone calls or comes over, doesn't mean you have to talk to them. Just smile, tell them you're not interested, and close the door or hang up.
You CANNOT fix everything. Stop thinking you can or you should.
It's very bad for you. You're putting too much stress and responsibility on yourself, when you aren't at all responsible for any of it.
This is why I think you and your mother need help learning to cope. Look in the phone book for grief counseling, or psychological services, or some such. There are a lot of services that are "pay what (if) you can" so don't worry about money.
It's not for you to protect your mother; you're the child, not the parent.
BTW, where do you get your top-level question from?
No one is threatening your family. You're mad at your grandparents for dragging a bunch of strangers into this, but that's not a threat that I can see.
2007-10-19 09:19:14 · answer #3 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to tell your mother to tell your grandparents that they need to stay out of the situation until at least everyone (you, your mom and your brother) are all back on your feet and can handle life again. Going through all of this is putting a strain on you and that's not fair....you've got WAY too much going on in your life that someone your age shouldn't have to deal with but unfortunately you have to....and I'm really sorry about that! Help your family out - your mom and brother I mean - and everything should eventually fall into place. I'm not surprised that you're upset about what your grandparents did (talking at church) but unfortunately he/they probably are just trying to help out and don't know how to. If the people from church come by just nicely tell them that you're happy for the support and encouragement but now's not a good time to come by. Get your family back to standing up and keep moving forward in life, because that's all that you can do. I'm so sorry too that your mother lost her soul mate, that's something she's never going to get over. I married mine also and if something happened to him I don't know what I would do! You're a brave girl, doing all of this for your family. Keep your head up and know that someone upstairs loves you VERY much and only wants to give you the best....wishing you luck!!....
2007-10-19 09:30:40 · answer #4 · answered by amyhwoods 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may not seem this way, but your grandparents are probably trying to help. Sometimes people try to help in ways that end up making everything worse.
Your mother needs the courage to tell your grandparents to take their "help" and stick it where the sun don't shine. She should tell them that when she wants their help, she'll ask for it.
Sadly, if your grandfather doesn't listen to your mom, he probably won't listen to you, as you are, I assume, a child. The best thing for all of you would be for your mom to stick up for all of you, once and for all. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. Condolences to you and your family over the loss of your father.
2007-10-19 09:15:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If those people pay your mother a visit, she needs to tell them the old man hears voices.
2007-10-19 09:14:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
im so sorry and protecting ur mom is a good choice i understand u want someone to tell u not to think that but u have every right to think that so listen to what ur heart tells you hope i helped
2007-10-19 09:14:43 · answer #7 · answered by Luna 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
than let ur mom know thats not cool and their not welcome over anymore until they know they cant be blabbering ur business.
2007-10-19 10:06:15 · answer #8 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋