How can I accept people's flaws?

Question

I have a huge superiority complex. I work for a leading IT company and most people who work with or for me do not meet my standards. I constantly feel that they are lazy, uncommitted and whiling away their time. As I a result I get confrontational. There have been many instances where I have humiliated them in front of other people and they were brought to tears.

Although I have been very successful I've not made any friends with this approach. Even my bosses who respect me for my work ethic hate my guts. I don't have any friends where I work and this is causing a lot of problems - I end up firing people and their work falls on my shoulders. So I end up living inmy office most of the time. I work 80-90 hours every week for the last 3-4 months. How should I change? I've tried not making a big issue out of the low quality and productivity but then it becomes worse and I have to respond in a harsher way. Is there a way out? Should I switch careers to one with no people interaction?

Pls don't give me the Steven Covey BS. That is a just a load of crap. I live to live life passionately and not "Let Go". I can not be a Buddhist monk and meditate till I attain moksha.

I do set expectations up front. I do not hire people, but their resumes look impressive too. But I believe if you are not passionate about what you're doing you have no reason to be working for me. I am not too concerend about people's skills but attitude. I can handle mistakes but I can not tolerate apathy.

Answer 1

You don't have to accept anything but you do have to tolerate others for what they are.

Answer 2

The first thing that you have to do is realize that nobody is perfect. Not even you. What you are doing is expecting other people to live up to what you consider to be acceptable standards. Everyone has different views in life as to what being successful really means.

If you have a high paying job, yet you have to work upwards of 100 hours a week, always judging others by your standards and everyone hates your guts, are you really successful? More importantly, are you really respected?

In order to be successful, you have to be willing to teach others, not judge them. You can ask the most successful people in the world what the most important thing is to becomeing successful and they will tell you that it is the willingness to learn. Knowledge is power. Even Donald Trump said this a few days ago on a t.v. interview.

It sounds to me like you have come to a point that you don't think there is anything at all for you to learn and that means that you are above others.

At the risk of sounding too harsh, you should take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself just why it is that you think others should be judged by you. Is it because you think you are so much smarter than they are? Is it because you think you are better then they are because of your position?

You must answer this question honestly if you want to figure out what makes you respond to people this way. Then and only then can you figure out a way to deal with the issue. Even a doctor has to identify an illness before he can treat it.

If you can't do this on your own, consider seeing a professional who can help you identify the problem. If you don't get to the root of it and control it, you will be this way for the rest of your life.

If you truly want to change it, identify the problem, then make the decision to change it and take the necessary actions to make that change. It is all up to you as to how you handle this. You are the only one who can be honest enough with yourself to be able to make that change.

I sincerely applaud you for having the strength to admit that this is a problem. It is the first step in making the changes that you need. The next step is to identify the reason and go from there.

I wish you all the best! If you would like an article that will help in motivating you toward this change, you can email me at [e-mail] and let me know that you would like leadership articles and I will be glad to email you a copy.

Best of luck!
Bonnie Ramsey

Answer 3

I'd say yes, finding a job without any personal interaction might be a good idea - although there are very few jobs like that.

Are you making your expectations clear up front? Be sure to do that, it might help some - and let the employee participate in the planning phases on what will be done, how, and by when.

And by the way, didn't you ever hear the maxim "praise in public, correct in private"? It is never acceptable to ream somebody out in front of others, no matter what boneheaded move they have pulled.

Sounds like many of the people working with you have problems - but frankly, sounds like you have a bigger problem. Maybe your work ethic is far superior to theirs - but to be honest, your way of treating people stinks.

I spent a career in IT, from programming to many years in various levels of management, and kind of understand where you're coming from - but you need to work on your attitude. People will go very far for you if they're treated decently - and won't if they are treated badly. OK, there are some who will goof off at every opportunity, but my experience is that most, young or old, work hard when they have motivation. I worked for bosses who were decent, and for a couple real jerks - I was very good at what I did, and worked hard, but guess which bosses I was willing to do extra for?

And as for your original question, how can you accept people's flaws - well, realize that everyone, you included, has some flaws.

Answer 4

If you are constantly letting people go it shows your lack of competency as a leader and a manager. Based off of what you are saying you are good at getting the job done on your own but sounds like you are failing miserably at getting others to produce so you end up doing everything yourself. I would recommend checking out a book called Leadership and the One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard. It talks about effectively managing people who are at different skill levels so that you get results without insulting or driving anyone to tears.
If you have the ability to fire I am assuming you also have the ability to hire. So maybe you need to reassess the qualification of people that are being hired and if you don't have any say maybe talk with the hiring manager about the issues you are having with people that are being hired. Companies don't like high turnover rates. It reflects badly on the recruiter or hiring manager and ultimately the company.
No professions come to mind that you will not have to deal with people to some extent. So it is better for you to figure out better ways to communicate with others.

Answer 5

If my wife came home in tears, I'd take a bat to her boss's kneecaps. Keep that in mind when you're dealing with other people.

IMHO, look at your own flaws, and it'll remind you of your humanity, and your employees. Your superiour skills are specific apparantly. Step out of your realm and be humbled by others. You are a big fish in a small fish bowl, and there is always someone better than you/me, just around the corner.
You have to be a friend before you can have a friend. I would recommend employing synergistic leadership styles. You will get more out of the people you work with, and avoid having your legs broke.

Try a book by Stephan Covey called "the seven habits of highly effective people". It may prove useful in dealing with people, not just employees.
Hope that helps, but then again, if you're an existentialist, what's it matter? lol
have a good one anyway.

Answer 6

NO way, I'm in the IT field to working for a VERY large company, and I feel the same way too, even when there is nothing to do, THERES SOMETHING TO DO! But I have learned that my worry of other people and expectations are not going to be the as there's. I have come to accept that everyone in the workplace has their little way of finding peace, even if it's doing no work at all, because after going through what I went through, you never really know what that person is going through which can definitely affect someones work performance. Our way of peace is finding something to do, that's why it's really nothing for us to work 80 hrs a week. I have since cut back down to 40, I do things like exercise when I get home, learn how to cook different things, just sit outside with a book and I hate to read. I hope I helped. The sooner you start living a normal life, people will see that and come into your life. Patients Daniel Son...

Answer 7

Boy, I tell you, I really have my doubts people like this can change. My husband is like this and I have to agree with him that most people nowadays do seem extremely lazy and do a job half-a**ed! But we do have to realize not everyone does have the motivation to work hard and to perfection. As you say, it just alienates you from everyone else. I always tell him the bosses are probably noting in his file, "So and so does not work or play well with others!" Don't you think talking to a counselor or psychologist would help? I really think a good one can give you advice on how to tone down your 'perfect image'. It can only help. Good luck!

Answer 8

Hey I'm not great shakes at this kind of thing, so here goes.
You have got to let loose. I mean all guys have their thing and yes they work for IT companies. Go out and play a sport or something anything that is going to help you loosen up. You sound way too tense to me, that is not good. Let me give it to you straight you feel that you are lazy so your projecting it into them. Like I said you have to take care of you first not that IT company, that company does not own your soul. Once more I am going to tell you that you have to relax.

Answer 9

I believe you know good and well what you have to do, but are looking for some half-wit to give you an excuse not to do it.

You are a lucky individual. You can teach people skills, but not talent. For that reason, you should never have been promoted. Sit back and enjoy your wrath until someone comes along and boots you, or you clean up your act.

Answer 10

remember you have flaws of your own.

if you constantly look for the bad in people you'll find it every time. it's like staring at a smudge on a brand new Porsche. if that's all your looking at you miss the big picture which is a brand new Porsche who with a little polish will be perfect. try to focus on the good qualities of those around you. if you do this then maybe it will be easier to accept where they fall short.

Answer 11

The only way people learn is by making mistakes.

Your job is to teach your people, and to remove anything that stands in the way of their doing their job. Give them responsibility - make sure they understand what's involved - and then leave them alone.

If they screw it up - criticize the job, not the person. Show them how the work could have been better, not how they have failed. It's not about them - it's about the work.

That gives you the goal of excellence, and leaves them with their self-respect.