Has you mother ever done this to you?

Question

I love my mother with all my heart. She has brought up us kids with good morals. Parents do make their own mistakes. I know I am a parent and I have learned what not to do with my daughter. My mother is very negitive. She has always favored my sister because my mother use to tell me all the time while growing up that I was a mistake and that I was not suppose to happen. All my life even till now she always says that I have never been smart enough and that I am stupid. I have told her couple of times but she continues. I am about ready to cut her out of my life once and for all. The last time she called me stupid was on my birthday because of her dying friend who has brain cancer wanted to give me a purse but I was told never to take out anything. I mean come on..It's a purse! I have been trying so hard to have confidence and self esteem.My mother says I need to lose weight and maybe if I do I will get a man. NO matter what I say or do I can never do anything right. HELP! I am 45 & tire

I really feel that I have lost a lot of hope and I am so tired. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I have spoken to her and she says that it's not her fault and that I just don't think. She has told me a couple of times that if she could do things different she wouldn't have kids.

There has been so many times I call her but she doesn't return my call. Now when it comes to my sister she is there for her 100%. It's always poor Ang this poor Ang that. She deserves so much as hard as she works. But it's ok that she goes and has a affair with her friend's who has Cancer's son. I mean I know I have made my mistakes of all means but making excuses is sickening. I had different shrinks off and on for years. Did me no good at all. My mother told one that I lied when I told her I was molested by my step dad. She said there was no proof from the docs.She never believed me and when I was pregnant with my daughter I turned him in because of my nephew. I had to when I started my medical insurance when I married. Till this day she protects this man and he use to beat her and made her lose a child when we were little. She told me when she dies that my sister will take control of my inheritance because he doesn't trust me.Then she says that I am too involved with my church.

She has told me at one time if any of us kids never wanted to see her again she would be fine with it

If it was about being divorced then why does she favor my sister like she is a God or something????

Your wrong Bumper dear

Answer 1

Bless your heart. This is terrible abuse from your mother and you do not deserve it. The way I see it, you are too good to be her daughter and yes, I would cut all ties with her. I would never associate with anyone, including family that was only going to put me down all the time.My mother is a lot like yours, I live in Las Vegas and she is in MS. I call her every other week, that's about all I can take. Life is to short to be miserable so do what you have to in order to be happy. Good luck to you sweetie!!

Answer 2

You have been taking this crap for 45 years? Tell your mother to shut the hell up and stop being such a bi.ch. You do not have to take this nonsense from her, you are worth more than that. Just because she is your mother doesn't mean she is entitled to behave this way, it is emotional abuse, which can be just as harmful as physical abuse.

If I had a mother like that, I'd tell her straight that I was over it. If she wanted to have a relationship with me, then she needed to alter her behavior. If she was not willing to do so, I'd cut her out of my life.

Too many people cut their parents an undue amount of slack, but there comes a point when you just need to put an end to it. You really should have reached this point years ago, but now is as good a time as any to make a fresh start.

Consider some counseling to help with your self esteem issues. You have been constantly put down all your life, and unless you make the decision to change, everything will stay as it is until you or your mother dies.

Answer 3

My mother and I have never had a good relationship, until i moved out and kept distance from her. When she would see me she wouldn't be as harsh or cold because she hadn't seen me much. Some relationships are just better apart. Thats how it is with my mom. Maybe you should just limit your visits so she can appreciate you more and stay away from the negativity she brings into your life. I know she is your mother, but sometimes parents don't know how to be parents and they have a lot of things held up in their heart that they can't get over. For example, she may say these things to you because you remind her of your father. I think you should also try to have a serious talk with her and get to the bottom of it all.

Answer 4

Im 42 and my mother is the same way ,I was to the point i had to move 150 miles away from her for she was driving me crazy and always telling me what i should do,my 5 children are raised and i have 2 grandchildren and shes doing the same to them, I learn long ago that her negative things were no longer going to hurt me no more even though shes your mother you live for you ,not her and the next time she starts in about your weigh just simply tell her you have no problen with it and that you are happy with the way you are,my mother has done everything for my sister and she was 16 and weighted 250 and my mother was always telling her to loose weight at the same time she was buying her every thing including a house and car not me ,she always was on me about why i didnt have the luxurys as my sister has until i found out what all she done for my sister and then the### hit the fan i finialy went off on her and moved i still talk to her but she fianly at 42 understands that i will do and be what i want,be happy with your self and love your.good luck and be happy

Answer 5

This may be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but you have to get away from this woman. First, try and tell her how you feel about how she treats you. Don't get angry or upset, just calmly tell her that it really makes you feel bad when she calls you a mistake or when she says negative things about you. If she can't understand what you are saying, then just tell her that you can' t continue to be around her if she can't accept you for who you are. It will be hard, but you need to distance yourself from that kind of negativity. You have self-confidence in yourself and don't ever let anyone(not even your own mother) tell you different. If she can't see you for the wonderful person you are, then maybe you should only see her occassionaly. Once you get your self-confidence up and are comfortable with who you are, then if you choose to be around her, you can let her comments about you flow right off your back. You be the bigger person and don't let her get to you. I hope this helps, just remember, you are the only one who can make you feel bad about yourself, don't let anyone else have that much control over you. Stay strong!!!!

Answer 6

No, my mother has never done that to me. If she did, I would be emotionally sick. Parents are a huge impact in their children's lives, and she doesn't even realize what she's done to you. She's made you have low self-esteem issues, and she's made you feel guilty about something ridiculous that isn't even your fault. Personally, I probably wouldn't have the courage to ever speak to her again. However, the right thing to do is sit down and talk to her about why she's done this to you for so long. Tell her you're hurt, and she means the world to you, so why is she doing this to you? If she starts belittling you from the start, you might want to cut your ties. You're a grown woman. You don't need this much negativity in your life at this age, especially from someone that "supposedly" cares about you. Good luck.

-akm-

Answer 7

Your mom is toxic to you. You definitely need a break from her- you should never have to put up with being called a stupid mistake! That's horrible!

I know you love your mom, but it's time to get away from that. You don't have to put up with it anymore.

Remember that it isn't you at all, it's her. You're not going to be able to heal unless you cut the strings for at least a while- and get yourself in a position where you can say "You know what, mom? I love you, but I will not tolerate you treating me like this any more!"

Best of luck. I think talking to a therapist will make sorting out your confidence and self esteem faster also.

Answer 8

Sounds like your mom feels threatened by you for some reason or another. The only person you can change in this world is you. If you keep giving her the chance to call you names and subjecting yourself to her crazy ramblings you must get some kind of crazy joy from it. Sometimes all we know is crazy crap so we stay in it because its all we know therefore comfortable. The hard part is to do something different. Don't say or do anything to her simply move on. You say you love her? How so when she does nothing but belittle you????You deserve better move on and better yourself. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Let me say this. Speaking as a mother. I would never put my children down or show favoritism toward one. I love all my kids the same and treat them all the same. You need to do what you have to do to have peace of mind. I would not cut her completely out of my life. I would call to make sure she is OK and doing well. But you have to live life for you and your daughter. Make sure you don't do the same things your mother did. talk to your daughter often , love her and be there for her through everything.
One more thing..... keep it all in prayer.

Answer 10

Sounds like the problem maybe your mothers (divorced?) If this is the case is she blaming everyone around her for her own short comings? Sometimes things are unfair with what others think but we must remember that good self esteem is how we feel about ourselves not how others feel about us.There are a zillion miserable things in any second of the day going on but if we worried about each one do you think you can find any time left to look at the zillions of good things happening in any second of the day. Which would you rather look at? Which would be better for you? Somethings you can change, somethings can change you.