Ok, so my fiance wasn't able to be there for our son's birth. Now my question is this! Do u feel that if u were not there for your childs birth that you are unable to bond with and love that child like it should be loved? He feels that because he was not there that he cant form a bond, i told him that's on him and it's his mental problem, is he right or am i?
2007-10-19 06:29:22 · 15 answers · asked by Shannon H 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
We were seperated as i was hormonal and he did not see his son till he was 2 and half weeks old. Our son is now 4 and half months but he's been there since then!
2007-10-19 07:04:03 · update #1
I had an amazing boyfriend. He knew me when I was married, and was around when my kids were about 18 months and 4..He developed as much of a bond with my children as their dad (who was in the delivery room) did. To the point, that although things didn't work out between us for other reasons, he has begged for equal visitation to what their father gets. A bond is formed with a baby because you want it there, being around for the birth is totally not relevent. What about all the people in the world who have adopted? They form a bond with a child they have never met in many cases. Some of them much older than "baby" stage. A bond is a bond, and it's built from love..not from being around for the birth or any other silly reason.
2007-10-19 06:36:20 · answer #1 · answered by Tresa R 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old your baby is or what the reason your fiance has for not being there for the birth of his child but, as far as I can think, his assumptions are ridiculous and nothing more than an irrational excuse and a pretty poor one at that for not feeling like he can be close to his child. There are millions of people who can not be there for the birth of their children (including mothers who may not be awake) and they are capable of bonding and love as mucha s anyone is. Is your fiance planning to spend the rest of his life feeling not bonded to this child? Is he going tosee this as a life ong issue or get on with the job of being a father and learning to bond with his child no matter what. If you are planning to marry this man and if this man is planning to be a dad to this child, then you should both seek professional help because you are beginning your child's life on very shaky ground. Your child needs a father who will acknowedge that fatherhood has nothing to do with being present at the birth and has everything to do with doing whatever it takes to provide love for his child.
2007-10-19 06:38:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bonds can be formed even if a father is not personally present for the birth. While being present is the desired way, there are some instances where the father simply cannot be there. I wonder how many soldiers in Iraq cannot be there for that event in their lives?
However, with that being said, it will be up to you both to make up for the opportunity lost and make a conscientious effort to do things that will attach you together and bond the father to the abby. Let the father feed the bottle at night and change a few diapers. let the father help with feeding. etc.
2007-10-19 06:44:43 · answer #3 · answered by Kerry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see why he can't form a bond with the child just because he wasn't in the room when the child was born.
Maybe there is more to it then just what he is telling you. And him not being there when the baby was born is just an excuse.
2007-10-19 06:36:16 · answer #4 · answered by Lovemykids 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he can't bond it's his own choice, just like not being there for the birth. There is NO reason for a man not to be able to bond with his own child!!!
2007-10-19 07:16:39 · answer #5 · answered by gibson 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your fiance realize that until quite recently dads weren't allowed to be present for hospital births at all? Does he think that not a single father from that generation bonded with their kid?
You're right.
2007-10-19 06:38:25 · answer #6 · answered by ... 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-13 04:50:41 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you were hormonal doesnt mean you should seperate, if he couldnt handle you then he cant handle a kid and this is his excuse. I think your fiance isnt ready and you are right. I think he is full of it.
2007-10-19 07:06:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not a man, but ill answer anyway.
im sure he's upset he missed the birth, but that is no excuse or reason why he cant bond wit the baby.
it has to do with him not you.
2007-10-19 06:38:02 · answer #9 · answered by Awesome Rockin Mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your Fiance is stupid. That is so ignorent and if he feels like that i feel sorry for you and your baby. Thats a close minded person that is probably using that as an excuse to not be around. He is hoping that you'll be stupid enough to belive him. I hope not.
2007-10-19 06:35:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋