How do I ask my fiance for a pre nup?

Question

Well, we've known each other for 2 years, she does nothing for a living. I have worked hard for my money, I want to keep it safe.

@ Older Guy, I'm a guy!

Answer 1

I think you should have talked to her about her working situation a long time ago before you proposed to her. Obviously you have a problem with it. Yes it is your money and you should be entitled to it, but you are taking an oath to marry her and take care of each other. Weren't you supporting her before? Unless you have millions tucked away I wouldn't push the issue.

Answer 2

Do you have significant wealth and property? If not, you sre worrying over nothing. Do you expect that you will divorce? What about if you are together for 30 years, you ask her to stay home, keep house and raise the kids - - - then YOU are the one that cheats or leaves her?

If you are not a multi millionaire, your bringing it up would most likely be insulting.

I was engaged to a guy who made a whopping $35,000 a year. He thought so highly of himself that he thought he needed a pre-nup. Although I also work full time and make about the same amount of money. And I can assure you that I would have wanted nothing from him.

In the end, we never got married. He was way too full of himself.

Answer 3

Something tells me you're not ready for marriage when she's unable to work. I suggest you think long and hard before considering a pre-nup, let alone marriage. A patrner that is not working is not a good sign when two incomes is vital in today's society.

If you have things to protect and she's unwilling to sign, take that as a red flag and run. People have a lot of misconceptions about pre-nups (I was one of them) but I quickly learned it's not an automatic death sentence on a marriage nor does it mean your partner is already thinking divorce. It's about protecting what each party has so in the event of the marriage falling apart, each party doesn't lose out on what they brought into it in the first place.

Answer 4

Well if you actually have something of value say at least $100K or a nice home then yes you should do it if that is what you want...but it sounds like you are not sure if you should marry him. You are worried about things and not about a relationship because you are doubting whether it will last already. He doesn't work and you don't like that!!!! Wake up and make a decision. It's not about a pre-nup it's about the rest of your life. Okay, enough preaching. If you feel that strongly tell him straight up no BS.

Answer 5

Well I think if you wish to have a pre-nup then that's your business. I can't fault you for wanting to protect what you had coming into the marriage. Although some might say your being greedy or miserly. Do what you feel is best for both of you.But DON'T be upset if she says she won't sign the pre-nup. So how does she support herself? Does she depend on your for her "living"? Good luck.

Answer 6

With this kind of attitude that you "want to keep it safe" you should not get married. I am guessing that she will maintain the household, so if you want a pre-nup perhaps you should pay her for cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. You would be amazed as to what her worth would be if you hired in others. She does have value, so either accept it and come up with a better reason for pre-nup or don't marry since you act like she is a gold digger.

Answer 7

There is no nice way to ask for it. Just say I was thinking of a bunch of different options to keep things safe and simple. What do you think of a pre nup? see how she would feel about it. Or see if you can get her to start working and earning something of her own.

Answer 8

It looks as if you are already believing the marriage won't last, so you're planning for the divorce. I do agree that your fiance/wife should be working, unless she isn't able to, or there are young children to care for. But if you're worried about the "safety" of your money, what makes you think it will be any safer while you're married to her? Trust sounds like a problem here on your part, but not necessarily without merit. But these issues all add up to, are you sure you're doing the right thing?

Answer 9

My fiance got burned pretty badly when he split with his xGF, so I actually brought up the subject of a pre-nup. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and as much as you really, truly, hope that yours will succeed, the truth is that sometimes people change. Also, pre-nups can help protect someone if their spouse dies, or is sued.

What I told him was basically, "I know that sometimes, when marriages don't work out & people get divorced, all the love they once had goes out the window, and they focus on making each other's lives miserable. I love you. I want to make sure that, should something come up in our marriage - whether one of us is hurt or dies or if we decide one day that we have changed, that we both come out of it with as little harm done as possible."

Also, you both need to have your own lawyer, just FYI.

Answer 10

i don't think there is any easy way to tackle this issue. it will be difficult and awkward. you could discuss it in the presence of lawyers, one for you and one for her, so that she feels that she is also being represented. if she refuses to sign, you may need to evaluate if you want to get married or if you would rather continue to date/live together and keep your assets safe. i think it is a very good idea to protect the assets you are bringing into a marriage. i also think you should discuss before the marriage how you plan to "dole out" the money during the marriage. since she isn't working, she will depend on you to give her money. you should probably agree to how this issue will be handled. will you give her a set amount per month? will you have an acct that she has full access to? here's an article with advice.

http://nymag.com/relationships/features/16471/