Okay, so here's my situation. Been seeing a guy on and off for 3 years. We are 27. I live alone, he with his parents. He still has curfew etc. He never invites me to family events etc. in 3 years. I keep breaking up with him, but then I call him because I'm lonely. Then I think we can be friends, but we can't. I'm always mad at him because his parents run his life. I feel I am too old to put up with this. Why can't I move on? I've deleted his # from my cell phone etc., but I keep calling him back and even apologizing for getting mad at him. I am losing my sanity here. What is wrong with me?
2007-10-19 05:51:32 · 12 answers · asked by Martie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You're what's termed "A sucker for punishment". Some people just like to be that way. Its almost masochistic.
People are no doubt going to say you have no self confidence. I doubt that. If you didn't you wouldn't be living on your own. He on the other hand lacks it. You have what it takes. You've stepped off to end this but run right back. So knock off the crap. Why is it evey woman feels that she's going to be a spinster because she hasn't got a man readily available?
You're too young to be screwing around with your life in this manner. Dump the chump with the curfew. Jesus...a curfew at 27? living with Mom and Dad at 27? And you're attrated to this loser?
baby...do the right thing. get rid of this additional cargo you're carrying and move on to a real man who'll love you for who you are.
2007-10-19 06:11:02 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to speak with him and figure out if he ever plans on moving out of his parents house. and away from their controlling influence. Sounds as though he's a bit insecure and has some issues! if he has a curfew, thats a bit weird.
It's been 3 years - that's a long time to be with someone on and off like this. Maybe you should give him an ultimatum. Either he starts involving you more, and stops letting his folks run his life, or that's it. It sounds as though you've had enough to be honest. Don't run back to him just because you're lonely - it's the wrong reason. You need to spend time apart from him maybe to evaluate how you feel about the whole thing. You can't move on because you are unsure of your feelings. Put your foot down and ask for some answers. If he's going to be a mummy's boy forever, you can do without that!
2007-10-19 12:59:20 · answer #2 · answered by morwenna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are afraid to move out of the comfort zone with him and be on your "own". I've been there and it sucks. You can still love someone with your whole heart but that does not always mean they are the one for you. If you are always miserable and upset with him, you have 3 choices...
Deal with it and resign yourself to the life you have now and make an effort to be happy.
Move on an find your own space, your own peace and hopefully someone who shares your future visions
Offer him and ultimatum...get away from your parents and move toward a future with me or i'm moving on...thenyou have to stick by your decision and mean it...
...if it was me, it would be the ultimatum. It gives him the opportunity to prove he cares and it doesn't mean that his parents can't be involved, they just can't run his life...you do run the risk of becoming the parent figure though and that's not much fun.
Do what will make you happy. Clean cuts work best and if you were meant to be together, you will be.
2007-10-19 12:59:46 · answer #3 · answered by seafires1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not that you are a total loser... it's that you are sleeping with one. It rubs off.
You have better things to do than waste away with a guy approaching thirty who's still living with Mommy.
That said, the choice is up to you. Tonight is Friday. If you wanted, you could go out, grab some Starbucks, pick a guy and have him worshipping you within an hour... in your own place... and he's not going to have to run off and mow his parent's lawn in the morning.
I'm not saying that you SHOULD do this, I'm saying you COULD do this. You are in the position of power, not him. You deserve to respect yourself a bit more and find something better. There are hundreds and hundreds of guys that'd be licking your boots with minimal effort on your behalf... and that goes away the older you get.
You aren't getting any younger, and relationships like this drain and age you. I'd recommend finding a cute transitional guy with a fetish for giving oral and telling your deadbeat boyfriend that you need. "Me time".
Give it a go for a month.
2007-10-19 13:03:16 · answer #4 · answered by Erad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If deleting his number from your cell phone doesn't work, have someone else take your cell phone, hide it from you, and then go hang out with you somewhere else until the urge to call passes. If you don't know anyone else to ask, find some activities to participate in; that'll help you fight the lonely feeling. And if that feels too overwhelming, consider therapy. Whatever you do, just recognize when this cycle you're trapped in is restarting and try to break it by doing something different.
2007-10-19 12:57:34 · answer #5 · answered by MM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In answer to your first question:
1. You're dating a guy who is 27, lives at home and has a *OMG* curfew
2. You're pining for this guy when you're apart even though you know he's not good for you
3. He can't stand on his own 2 feet and yet you stay with him even though you're miserable
That makes you a loser.
Why can't you move on? I have no idea unless it's because you're a total loser..which I think you're likely NOT.
So buck up, find a bunch of stuff to keep you occupied and busy and enjoy your life. Eventually you'll turn yourself into a winner and likely attract someone who has the same quality.
Good luck!
2007-10-19 13:03:53 · answer #6 · answered by QWERTY 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing really wrong with you. Love makes us do crazy things.
You just need to move on. Obviously this guy doesn't value you. Three years is a long time. He should have at least told his family by now. You deserve better.
2007-10-19 12:55:34 · answer #7 · answered by Air Guitar Goddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not believe that there is anything wrong with you. It's always hard to move on after a relationship has ended. If he was Mister Right it would of worked out by now. You certainly have given it enough time. Your young and its a big world out there, get out and enjoy yourself, find new friends, move on. Best of luck to you.
2007-10-19 13:02:56 · answer #8 · answered by tony 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I Think you should start looking for someone else this boy obviously isn't good enough for you.
Try and make some friends so when you are lonely you wont want to call hi and soon he'll be out of your life for good.
2007-10-19 12:55:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to meet some other people. He sounds like the looser. He is not serious about you if he won't invite you to any family functions. He sounds like he is too dependent on mommy & daddy.
2007-10-19 12:58:35 · answer #10 · answered by Larry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋